Josh Hartnett / Pink
January 12, 2002


A quick plug: There's a new site out there dedicated to the dynamic duo of Weekend Update!  http://www.fallonfey.com is a really cool site designated to Jimmy and Tina "Ignorant Slut" Fey. Check it out!

Sports review- The Jets could not do it again, thank goodness! I picked the Raiders by 9 in yesterday's game, and I'm glad I did. Bucs I was pulling for because I HATE the Eagles because they beat my G-men in the division, so I lost that game.
MY PICKS FOR TODAYS GAMES, 1.13-

49ers at Green Bay - GREEN BAY by 3

Ravens at Dolphins - I'm going with an upset, RAVENS by 3 _

I'm hoping to see Oakland and Chicago on February 3rd, because I know Marshall Faulk sucks ass! Michael Strahan got on All ­ Pro team, but for the love of God, someone please tell me why Priest Holmes made it!

My Yankees continue to make poor-ass moves during the off-season. Rangers continue to fall, now in 3rd, and the Knicks, God speed.

Monday, my good friend Bob Barron made a trip to MSG to see WWF without me because my parents suck. This lucky republican actually got to talk with Molly!! and got to talk to Trish ONLINE!! What I wouldn't have done to go down and see this. Triple H would've been proud to see me.

Mailbag ­ Courtesy of Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra

This one comes from what appears to be a true fan of SNL, named Jason Gash:

Has a women ever said live from new York its Saturday night?

Well, I was expecting an in-depth question or comment in my mailbag, but this truly tops them all! After reading this I was debating on whether or not to jump off a cliff. Now maybe this guy hasn't watched the show for that long, but this has to be the single most stupid question on the face of this planet. There have been 515 Live episodes, and a woman has said it at least 125 times (Now all you nerds are gonna go count, then email me with an exact answer, that's ok.). If I ever get this again, I think I'll play Roger Clemens and throw a bat at someone in disgust.

Going into this show, my friend Katie was extremely annoyed with Pink as MG because she thinks she's a Gwen copier.

Let me just say, Tim had the most hilarious review last show with Ellen, and man Tim, I hope you do that more often because I almost gave myself a hernia reading it. I never knew I sounded that way.

 

Well, this was a very long break, the first of the year, but I think that the crew needed it. When I heard about this kid hosting, I had NO CLUE who this was. After having asking my female friends, I had to put up with them saying how cute he was, and them showing me pics of him. What the hell did I get myself into!? This will be another sucky broadcast due to Lorne trying to have 10-year-old girls watch his show to fanaticize about Jimmy Fallon and Kattan (believe me, my conspiracy is correct!). Well, Pink, errr, no. She'll be ok, but she's no MICK JAGGER!!!! Also, with Amy moving up and Ferrell absent, it should be an interesting show. Without Ferrell, this will be a good indication of how the show does in his absence.

[COLD OPENING] Memorial Service for the dog of one of the greatest Presidents Ever

This was really a treat to see Darrell doing his impression which he has mastered. This had to be one of the best cold openings of the year, him saying that he wished Hilary would've run out into the street instead of Buddy, and when he offered the 17 year old girl to sleep at his house for the night if she was to shaken up. Just seeing Hillary's face in a state of no emotion was hilarious, and the comparisons of the previous administration the zooming in on George Sr. was great.

RATING: 9.5/10

[OPENING CREDITS] Montage

Well, I figured they'd take Ferrell out if he's gone. Last time I remember that happening was in the early 90's with Mike Myers, were he missed 1 or 2 shows for the same reason. And, it's true. My Goddess has been promoted.

[MONOLOGUE] Josh Hartnett

Another stupid monologue in which teen girls from the audience have to shout every 5 seconds just because he's talking about his looks. This was really disgusting to watch, and again not a MONOlogue, right Tim?

RATING: 3/10

[SKETCH] Wake Up Wakefield

I have to say, I like the Reese Witherspoon one, but this really wasn't as funny. Rachel is the best in these, "signing off, I am Sheldon". It fit well with the host and everything, with his age and stuff. Nothing really spectacular.

RATING: 6/10

[SKETCH] Lifetime Television

In a twisted way, I found this actually funny. The stepmom sharing warm feelings with the stepson just seemed like a good premise for this type of sketch, really poking fun at Lifetime because of the sucky programming they have, or so the Germans would have us believe. Whoops, sorry, my Norm slipped in for a sec.

RATING: 6/10

[T.V. FUNHOUSE] X ­ Presidents

I look forward every week to see Smigel's cartoon, and each and every one of them is funny. This was no exception; "Your foreign policy was worse than a Cher impersonator." George in the hot tub with Babs making out, then she dives underwater to do the nasty. Perfect. Then out of nowhere, Ace and Gary show up! When he told him to release the lubricator, and all the "lubricants" came out, I shat my pants. A wicked funny Smigel cartoon!

RATING: 9.5/10

[SKETCH] Shout out Show

Well, I can see this going in the reoccurring sketches book. But believe me, Tracy deserves all the credit he can get. He's one of the best on the show, and doesn't get enough air time. I don't like rap, so maybe that was a turn off, but this was ok I guess

RATING: 5/10

[MUSIC] Pink

Some people think Pink is bad, but considering it wasn't other shit like we've heard, it was ok, but I still didn't like it at all

RATING: 2/10

[WEEKEND UPDATE] With Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey

As some of you may remember, the same time last year, both January episodes, WU started to slip significantly, and it's starting to repeat itself. This was not one of their best. Jokes that were good were the Cuba/Elian joke, and the White House canceling his trip to Nigeria because he called Pakistan's "Paccki's", and this one; "Bruce Willis and his band, The Accelerators, are starting a 13 city tour this Friday in Atlanta. Tickets will go on sale anyway." Maya Angelou was hilarious and well written, but I have no freggin clue what the last commentary was supposed to be. Hopefully, were not repeating ourselves

RATING: 9/10

[SKETCH] HBO Presents

WOW. This was a really funny sketch! Darrell talking about the movie and all of a sudden Nsync shows up to perform in it was great. This sketch should've been moved up, but it gave a good performance just making fun of Nsync. Darrell had yet another good impression.

RATING: 8/10

[SKETCH] Get Me off the Plane!

Umm, I really kinda didn't find this really funny. Hey, it's the first time of the night we see our new cast member, and it was about time! Not great

RATING: 4/10

[COMMERCIAL] Jack Handey's Best for 2001

This is his best work of the season so far, and I laughed out loud during this.

RATING: 8/10

[MUSIC] Pink

Don't push your luck.

[SKETCH] Playboy Channel

Now many of you know my first initial question to this sketch; why the hell weren't Amy and Tina the two playmates?! None the less, I thought we might see something between Maya and Rachel. This was real cool, when the women took off their face mask, Horatio said, "Oh man, I'm seeing some face, some face on face action!!" A decent sketch for end show.

RATING: 8.5/10

 

SKETCH OF THE NIGHT: Funeral Services for Buddy the dog
(Smigel comes in close second)

PLAYER OF THE NIGHT: Darrell Hammond

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton talking about the relationships between Buddy and Socks the cat, "Buddy; warm, intelligent, outgoing, sexy. Socks on the other hand, distant, cold, controlling, manipulative. Buddy liked other dogs, but Socks liked both cats and dogsand I want you to take it from me, that dog could hump a leg."

 

OVERALL EPISODE RATING: 59/100

Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from this show at all, and didn't get much. Plus without Ferrell, it made it even more painful. I guess the show did average without him but hell be missed when he goes. Next week, I'm wicked excited for Jack Black and The Strokes! More good reoccurring sketches next week, hope to see the senior players more, and WU need to get better. BTW, Tracy was in A TON of sketches tonight! Out of the norm! 

Guess what folks, that's the news and I am outta here


Episode Review written by Nick Mayhew


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