Josh Hartnett / Pink
January 12, 2002

My Score System:
5: Classic Sketch
4 1/2: Really really good sketch.
4: Tight
3 1/2: Nice
3: Average
2 1/2: Bellow Average
2: Sucked
1: Totally Wack

The Intro:
I'm glad a lot of you like reading my reviews. I'm more surprised that you actually think I'm funny (to be honest, I'm not even trying to be, I'm just sayin' whatever comes to my mind). The Ellen DeGeneres review was going to be my last one because I was thinking "aw, no one is reading my crap" but since I keep getting e-mails and IM's from people commenting, complimenting and debating me on things I have said I'm going to keep it moving. So if anyone wants to say somethin' to me about whatever, feel free to keep e-mailing, IM-ing, or whatever. Love hearing from you.
These are my preshow thoughts....Josh Hartnett... I think he's going to suck, but I hope he proves me wrong. They have to start the new year off with a bang. I'm expecting the females in the audience to go wild over him (even in the sketches that aren't funny).

Sketch: Memorial Service For Buddy
Players: Tracy Morgan, Derrell Hammond
What I Have To Say About It: This one was cool. I wasn't expecting to see Tracy
in a sketch this early. Especially with some speaking parts. Darrell had me
rolling. Sometimes I think, damn, Darrell is Clinton. I liked how they were
showin' the footage of everyone, like Hilary and them. I also liked
how Darrell was comparing Buddy to Sox the cat. Sox likes both
dogs and cats...I wonder if Hilary really swings that way? 
Key Player: Darrell Hammond
Weakest Link: Tracy Morgan
Score: 3.5
Amy is a full time cast member now. Wow. What is the fuckin' difference between a
full time cast member in a featured player anyway? I wonder how bad the show is going to be with Will gone. My younger brother said "fuck it" and left the room to watch the last 30 minutes of Mad TV on another television when he saw that Will was missing from the credits... oh well.
Sketch: Monologue
Players: Jimmy Fallon, Josh Hartnett
What I Have To Say About It: The new Josh Hartnett? What does he mean. He's new
all together, he's just a rookie compared to most of the host and the new
Jimmy Fallon?? Please, I know college students that have independent film
credits longer than his filmography. What do you mean "new Jimmy Fallon"?
Key Player: The New Jimmy Fallon
Weakest Link: The New Josh Hartnett
Score: 2.5
Sketch: Wake Up Wakefield
Players: Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, Josh Hartnett
What I Have To Say About It: I saw Maya on Conan the other day and boy was
she lame. I thought Maya was going to come out a bust a few jokes and
do her thing, but instead she acted like her character Maegan. All she
did was talk about Gary Coleman like he was Randy Goldman.
This Wake Up Wakefield was sorta lamer than Maya's apperance on Conan.
This is one of my favorite sketches but they didn't bring it on this one.
Especially Rachel. She just read the cue cards through the whole thing...
it would be funnier if Rachel acted a little jittery or something...I think she
should make Sheldon come alive. I liked it when Sheldon's pen burst, I
guess he didn't have his pocket protector on. Josh is the one who brought
the thunder in this sketch.  
Key Player: Josh Hartnett
Weakest Link: Rachel Dratch
Score: 3
Sketch: Lifetime Television
Players: Ana Gasteyer, Darrell Hammond, Josh Hartnett
What I Have To Say About It: Oh shit! This was funny as hell. My mom watches Lifetime made for T.V. movies, I'm not good with similies. 
I'm bad at making metephores and similies like Rachel Dratch is bad at
being funny. This was real good! Ana & Darrell both brung it. I bet
this is a real Lifetime movie. A woman messing with her step son. 
Key Player: Ana Gasteyer
Weakest Link: Josh Hartnett
Score: 4.5
Sketch: T.V. Funhouse, The X-Presidents featuring The Ambiguously Gay Duo
What I Have To Say About It: These are always funny. 
Score: 4.5
Sketch: Shout Out Show
Players: Tracy Morgan, Pink, Josh Hartnett
What I Have To Say About It: Oh my god. This was really really funny. It shocked
me. I was expecting it to suck but it had me rolling. I was feelin' those
Rakim and Nas joints he was bumpin' in the back drop. The things they
were sayin' and who and why they were giving the person a shout out to
made it funny. I loved the bit between Tracy and Josh, especially when
Tracy said "yyyeeeaah, I'd like to give a shout out to people eating
garbage and starving little boys" and Josh was like "nnno, no man, I.. I'm
sure you don't mean that". If they bring this sketch back they should add
a different element to it the next time to keep it fresh. This is waaay better
than Woodrow & wack ass Brian Fellows... but not as good as Domincan
Lou & That Pimp Show whatever it's called.
I'd like to give a shout out to all the people who read my reviews and told
me they loved them! :)
Key Player: Tracy Morgan
Weakest Link: Pink
Score: 4
Music: I don't rate the music...but I'm feelin' this song.
Sketch: Weekend Update
Players: Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey, Horatio Sanz, Tracy Morgan, Chris Kattan
What I Have To Say About It: I loved those G. W. jokes. Hey, I saw this picture of
Tina Fey on this website... I forgot who's site it was, but it had a picture
of Tina and she was sitting on a chair, chewing a phone cord and wearing
high heel shoes... but anyway, the reason I brought this up was because
I noticed that Tina has big feet for a woman her size. Not that it's
important and that anyone should care, but I notice crap like that for some
odd reason. Then when she swong her leg on the table to show her leg
warmers I noticed that her left foot was the size of two of Jimmy's hands...
I'm not wierd or any, I just........ hey that Horatio & Chris Kattan bit at
the end was funny at first, but they should have cut it off sooner because
it started to get lame. Tracy did his thing in this sketch too.
Key Player: Tina Fey (Tracy could have gotten it)
Weakest Link: Jimmy Fallon
Score: 3.5
Sketch: The Making Of Star Wars
Players: Darrell Hammond, Dean Edwards, Josh Hartnett, Tracy Morgan, others
What I Have To Say About It: I'm convinced that Darrell can do just about anyone.
He did a good George Lucas. I don't really care about N'Sync making
a cameo in the new Star Wars movie... I heard they were going to get
killed in it anyway, that makes it better. Most of the jokes came from all
those little cameo apperances from other characters, like Alf, and
the other little things. Tracy & Seth did their thing in this sketch too.
Key Player: Yoda
Weakest Link: The fake N'Sync, especially Jeff Richards he always sucks.
Score: 3.5
Sketch: The Airplane Sketch
Players: Seth Meyers, Amy Poehler, Josh Hartnett, Tracy Morgan, Rachel Dratch
What I Have To Say About It: The laddies stopped screaming for Josh, about time they
got to this sketch. I guess they were tired... of seeing him. This was just
a filler sketch. A reason just to put Amy in a sketch now that she's full time.
She was funny in it though.
Key Player: Amy Poehler
Weakest Link: Rachel Dratch (even though she had one line, she still sucked in it).
Score: 3
Sketch: Jack Handey's Best Of 2001
What I Have To Say About It: It started off good, but then it got out of hand. 
Does Jack Handey know how lame he sounds. In stead of the product
being Wax, it should have been hard liquor.
Score: 2.5
Music: It was okay.
Sketch: Playboy Station
Players: Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Ana Gasteyer, Horatio Sanz
What I Have To Say About It: This was real funny too. Ana & Amy made this shit
funny. I read someone's review and they said, why was Maya &
Rachel the playmates instead of Amy or Tina.... I think they were okay
as the playmates (except for Rachel), but Maya would have made a more
believable middle eastern woman than Amy. Rachel messed it up, she
should have went along with Maya on the lesbian thing. "I'm going to go
talk to Marty, you are acting too wierd"... what the hell was that all about?
I loved Horatio's "aaawww yes, this is some hot, face on face action" line.
I noticed that a lot of you guys sweat the hell out of Amy Poehler. Why?
She's cute and all but she's not hot (well not to me). I guess it's because
she's blonde.... lots of blonde women are over rated (I do agree most of
them are hot though). Not every blonde haired blue eyed woman is a dime
(and i've seen some who were far from it). To be honest SNL never really
had any "hotties"....cuties yeah, but not heart pumping, traffic stoppin'
hotties though (that includes Victoria Jackson and Sarah Silverman too for
all you non believers reading this). None of them. Well, Molly, Laura
Kightlinger, Julia Sweeney, Cheri Oteri, and Maya have made my heart
jump a few times, key word being a few times..... I don't care if a female
cast member is hot or not, as long as they make me laugh then they have
done their job. Hell, the uglier the female the funnier they are I see it (well
except for Joan Cusack, she was ugly and not funny).
Here is my list of the current female cast members in order of how good
I think they look.
Maya Rudolph: Man she is hot....sometimes.
Tina Fey: Of course, she doesn't have Maya though.
Amy Poehler: She doesn't stop the traffic, but she is cute.
Rachel Dratch: The only thing knocking on her is her knockers.
Ana Gasteyer: Ana has the shit face for real, but she's funnier than all of
these ladies up here. Like I said, the uglier the funnier.
I'm sorry to point this out just in case Ana or Rachel are reading this (yeah
right) because they...well, Ana, is very talented.
Key Players: All of the women in this sketch except Rachel.
Weakest Link: Rachel Dratch
Score: 4
Key Player: Tracy Morgan... damn, this is the first. I hope it wont be the last.
Weakest Link: Rachel Dratch.... stick to Denise, playing little teenage boys and your
Calista impression.
Overall Score: 3.5

Okay everybody, I can't wait to see that Jack Black episode. Oh and to everyone reading my stuff (that's 0000.1 of you now because I know the "ugly female thing" might have pissed someone off), KEEP READING MY REVIEWS!!! :)

Episode Review written by Joe Average

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