John Goodman / Ja Rule
November 3, 2001

Hello! I'm bzaack! I am so excited for the Harry Potter movie! It's gonna rock! Although Peeves isn't in this one, cuz they're saving him for the next movie. I only heard this from someone, so it may not be true. OKay, onto da review!

PRESHOW THOUGHTS: I like John Goodman, but he's not that great of an SNL host. However, he's hosted 12 FUCKING TIMES! GOOD FUCKIN LORD! Wow. Calm down ally ::smacks self:: okay, I'm fine. Ja Rule is okay. I hope he sings "Always On Time". That and that duet w/ J.Lo. are the only songs of his that I really like.

COLD OPEN-NO ONE IS SAFE!: This was actually very funny! It reminded me of back in the day when the people kept on asking where we were attacking Iraq during the Gulf War, and Kevin Nealon lampooned it. This was right on the money, although Darrell's impersonation left me a little upset. Chris Parnell would've been perfect for this. NORM WHY DID YOU FIRE HIM!!!???
FAVE QUOTES: "We've sent the post offices some baby wipes and Kleenex."
"We don't know if there's a five percent chance or a fifty percent chance or...a ninetynine point nine percent chance that a terrible attack will occur very soon!"
Grade: B+ (I took off cuz Darrell's impersonation sucked)

MONOLOGUE: Okay, John Goodman has hosted 13 times. Couldn't he have come up with a better monologue? Ahh the D-backs won! NOOOO!!! Oh well, the red sox and yanks still rule (I know, you're not supposed to root for both, but oh well). CK as Hyung Yung Kim was good (or whatever the hell his name is).
FAVE QUOTES: "Aren't you supposed to be in Arizona for tonight's game?" "...Let's not talk about that, okay?"

COMMERCIAL-HERBAL ESSENCES FOR MEN: I didn't get this at first. Then, when I got it, my reaction was like so: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER SHOW WILL FERRELL HAVING AN ORGASM AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! Horatio crying was hilarious! All in all, a really funny sketch.

HUDSON VALLEY CIRCUIT: Yay! Dan Akroyd! Yay yay yay yay! This was funny, but they could've left out the anthrax joke at the end. What if that had been real? I liked Sheila and Al Kyda.
FAVE QUOTES: "And what is your company name?" "Old Sunny's Bin Ladles."
"What do you sell?" "Afghan hash!"

WILFORD BRIMLEY FOR LIBERTY MEDICAL: This was really sad, because John Goodman is really overweight. But it shows that he has a good sense of humor about it. This was funny, though.
FAVE QUOTE: "Now I'm gonna get off of this horse, by getting onto a smaller horse and then getting onto a large dog. By then, I should be low enough to the ground to roll off."

NEXT WEEK: GWYNETH PALTROW AND RYAN ADAMS-Oh cool! Gwyneth has that movie, Shallow Hal, that comes out this week. I heard it's really funny and not at all in the regular taste of the Farrelly Brothers. And Ryan Adams sings this song called "New York, New York", which was written before Sept. 11. And the video was shot on Sept. 7, and it has so many shots of the Twin Towers. I wanted to cry when I saw it.

THE GIRL WITH NO GAYDAR: Okay, no girl would be THIS dumb. But it's nice to pretend, isn't it? Rachel was kind of overacting, but that's okay. Will Ferrell hasn't been in this episode a lot. But that was just wrong when he was gyrating with that rainbow dancer thingee.
FAVE QUOTE: "All these guys are gay!" "Then why is my dad here?"

COMMERCIAL-BIRTH CONTROL TEST: I hate these commercials. You can totally tell that it isn't real. Amy and Jeff did a really good job of making fun of it. Is it just me, or is SNL taking on a really MADTV sort of feel to it. It just feels like MADTV. Oh well, MADTV sucks and SNL rules.
FAVE QUOTE: "I am so psyched I'm not gonna get fat."

CBS ANTHRAX UPDATE: This could've been really really funny, if it hadn't dragged on for SOOOO LOOONG!!!!!!!!! They should've cut at least two minutes of it. But it was funny.
FAVE QUOTES: "The chances of him surviving are slim and none. And slim just left town."
"He received this disease from reportedly drinking water from an air conditioner thinking it was scotch."

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE-JA RULE: YAY! They did the song "Always On Time"! Yipppee!

WEEKEND UPDATE WITH JIMMY FALLON AND TINA FEY: I LOVE JIMMY! Okay, okay calm down. I actually now look forward to this, unlike THE DARK YEARS WITH COLIN QUINN, which I've excised from my brain. This was great, as always! Seth Myers as the rabid Red Sox fan was hilarious! Yay the Blues Brothers!!!! Jimmy...honey...CUT THE DAMN HAIR! Other than that you're hot!
FAVE QUOTES: "Bitch, I couldn't be more alert! I open my mail with metal tongs!"
"If the Red Sox voted for gravity, we'd all be floating three feet above the ground right now!"

AMERICA UNDERCOVER ON HBO: This was friggin hilarious! But Chris, put some pants on! For crying out loud! NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR SACK! But other than that this was funneee!
FAVE QUOTE: "I can't wear flip flops no more but at least my baby's happy!"

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE-JA RULE: I'm sorry, I hate this song.

BAD CONCEPTUAL THEATRE: WTF? The only thing funny about this was Dan, but other than that, this sketch blew like a bulimic after Christmas dinner (I DIDN'T MAKE THAT UP!!!!!!! IT'S FROM THE MOVIE SUGAR AND SPICE!!!!!!!!!!! IF I OFFENDED ANYONE I'M TRULY SORRY!)
FAVE QUOTE: "This play is AWFUL!"
Grade: C-

LITTLE SLEUTHS: This was okay. I liked how Amy wanted the candy. The featured players this year are getting more airtime than established regulars (i.e. Horatio, Will, Tracy and Ana).
FAVE QUOTE: "Plus, I just learned how to masturbate, so I kind of want to get home."


Next week is Gwyneth Paltrow and Ryan Adams! See ya then!

Episode Review written by Serendipity33

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