John Goodman / Ja Rule
November 3, 2001


Hi, I'm Jordan Davidson, but you can call me "The Real Slim JD."

So how about that mess with the Yankees beating on poor Byung Hyun Kim? First off, I feel for him and hope he can get over this, and secondly, this World Series is just messed up. My picks, the Diamondbacks, still have a great chance to take it, but if not for those home runs, they could have had it already on Thursday night. At least this whole mess proves one thing that I've been saying before the series started--the Diamondbacks have a better team. Their offense is sorely underrated, despite the fact that Luis Gonzalez went deep 57 times this season. Sure, everyone thinks all the momentum comes from the two 20-game winners, Curt Schilling and Randy Johnson, but it doesn't take a genius to know that if the D-Backs have no offense, Curt and Randy win a total of zero of those games. And the fact that it took a game tying home run in two straight games to give the Yankees a chance to win either of them--all that tells me is the Yanks weren't doing the job in 8 of the 9 regulation innings. So while it may be our nature to root for the Yankees because they happen to hail from New York, you have to give the D'Backs their due, and the edge in Game 7. By the way, if I were Bob Brenly, I'd give Kim one more chance tomorrow if possible.. it would just be too weird if he were to blow it again.

And now, I'm gonna tell you about an album I like, and for once, it's not an Elton John album. I'm talking about Michael Jackson's new release, Invincible. Before Elton came into my life, Michael has been an early favourite since I was a kid, so I had to check this out. The single "You Rock My World" was cool enough, but I was really drawn to the song "Cry," written by R. Kelly, who also wrote Michael's other song, "You Are Not Alone." I think this song would make an awesome anthem to the September 11th mess. Whether it was intentional or not, it's impeccable timing how an album with a song like this was released at a time like this.

The album features cameos from people such as Brandy, Fats, Babyface, Rod Serling of Twilight Zone fame, Chris Tucker, and a posthumous visit from the Notorious B.I.G. Which once again proves my theory, celebrities love Michael Jackson. As do I. Not in the way you're thinking, though. Get your mind out of the gutter, people.

So in closing, if Michael's not too mad at SNL for all of the barbs at him, this album would be a great excuse to bring him on the show. Buy this album. Also, buy Songs From The West Coast. You didn't think you'd get away that easy, did you?

So before I keep on about how you should buy every Elton album on the planet, here is Jordan "The Big Picture, Reg Strikes Back and Road to El Dorado and Aida soundtracks" Davidson, writing a review of the 12th John (And he shall be Levon, and he shall be a) Goodman episode of Saturday Night Live.

Overview: Last season, a streak that dated back to when the Atlanta Braves sucked was broken when John Goodman did not host an episode of Saturday Night Live. Perhaps this is the beginning of a new streak. In my own opinion, while I enjoy John Goodman as a performer, I was not all that impressed with his two most recent hosting stints. I wouldn't put them in the same category of sucktitude as I would the Drew Barrymore episode from a couple of weeks ago, but the flashes of greatness from his earlier stints were just not there. I don't know what to think as he is here promoting Monsters Inc, an animated film. I was going to see it Saturday afternoon, but I had a headache. (That was not meant as a smarmy comment, it's actually the truth--although frankly, I was miffed that Orangeville's two-screen theatre chose it over Domestic Disturbance.) As for Ja Rule, I liked him better the first time I saw him, when he was named DMX. Because well, at least DMX can act a little. I really had trouble staying awake during The Fast and the Furious, and that's quite a feat with all those loud cars.

John Ashcroft is calm:
*Return to our normal lives? Man, I'm no pig, but if there was a terrorist attack on Canada, I'd have sex with any cute woman I could get my hands on. And those who know me best know that's far from my normal procedure.
*Baby wipes and a dustbuster--that should protect the post office from a... well, a stinky baby.
Grade: B

Monologue:
*John's only hosted 12 times--I can't imagine how he got the number 13.
*I get the feeling I've seen the "wing the monologue" thing zillions of times. And that's just with Goodman.
*Chris Kattan and Byung Hyun Kim--separated at birth? No. I'd believe Maya Rudolph in the role before Kattan again.
Grade: C+

Herbal Essence For Men:
*These guys should just do what I do--use the women's stuff. It gives you nice hair, and the only real challenge is getting men to stop hitting on you. And, er.. filling the awkward silence when you tell people you use women's shampoo. But hey, it's not as fruity as wearing women's clothing. So there.
Grade: C-

Hudson Valley Community:
*You know what's sad? I didn't get the jokes until they got to "Tally." After that, it wasn't too bad.
Grade: B-

Wilford Brimley:
*I appreciate the diabetes info, considering I had it for about three hours a couple of weeks ago. (see my Barrymore review)
*A cool spoof of the commercials and a cool way for Goodman to poke fun at his own weight.
Grade: B

The Girl With No Gaydar:
*When in doubt, rely on the male cast's ability to pretend to be gay.
*A cool idea and I hope to see if they can expand on it in the future.
Grade: B+

Pregnancy Test:
*I really didn't get much of this. The little bit about the fantasy football draft reminded me of fun moments with people from this very online community, but not much else.
Grade: D+

Anthrax Update:
*I thought this was hilarious, moreso for the dead-on Rather impression than the actual content--which was also not bad.
*This just in, Jordan Davidson has herpes. Chyeah, right. Where would I get an STD?
Grade: A-

Ja Rule - Always On Time:
*At least he tries to sing a little bit. Granted, he sounds like Barry White with a throat infection, but we're making progress here.
*Between Ja and the chick, the wrong person took their top off.
Grade: D-

Weekend Update:
*Whatever Boston cheers for loses? Does that mean the Boston Strangler was rooting for his victims to live?
*The Blues Brothers' commentary could have been written better, but it was cool to see them--uncool to see their knees.
Grade: B+

Get Out of the Stove!:
*Man, if COPS were this outrageous, maybe I'd watch it.
*COPS meets Jerry Springer meets something a chimp would write.
Grade: B-

Ja Rule - Living It Up(?):
*A practice I've begun this year is trying to catch a lyric snippet from each song and use it in a search in order to identify the song. Maybe if I understood a damn word he was saying I could have done that.
Grade: D-

Bad Conceptual Theatre:
*I was so sure this would be a Peepers' sketch.
*Good job by Mark Polishuk in his cameo appearance as the monkey.
*A cool idea and funny to boot.
Grade: B

The Prepubescent Super-Sleuths:
*I found this absolutely hilarous, to be honest. Way to poke fun at junior detectives AND the intelligence of cops.
*I can't understand why the audience wasn't doubled over in laughter at the masturbation line.
Grade: A

Overall:
Well, John Goodman has made up for the last two years' shortcomings with a solid show tonight. He will no longer go down as the guy who hosts SNL just because. There is still potential in him. This show gets a solid B, and I look forward to his next hosting job, whether that be five years from now, or next year.

It won't be next week, because Gwyneth Paltrow will be hosting for the second time, promoting Shallow Hal. Musical guest will be Ryan Adams, whom I know to the extent that Elton John crashed one of his concerts while he was in Toronto in the days following his own concert that I attended. I don't know much about Adams himself, but Elton likes him, so he can't be all bad.

Until next week, later dudes!


Episode Review written by Jordan Davidson


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