Kirsten Dunst / Eminem
May 11, 2002


Jessie "The Body" Ventura (I-MI) once said: Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat.
On Friday night Daniel Alfreddson did just that. I have a small request for tomorrow's game- if God forbid the leafs are getting killed- please do a Peca on Daniel. Thank you.

 

When I first found about Mr. Perfect getting fired I was already to rant and rave, piss and moan, play Exodus over and over and boycott WWE TV. Btu the dude picked a fight with Brock Lesnar. What a fucking moron. Some people look up to people with high morals. I look up to a guy who forced his wife to blowjob her, got arrested for beating her and is addicted to painkillers. I look up to a guy who got drunk on a plane flight and almost caused a huge disaster on an aeroplane.

Fuck me- I need wrestling heroes. William Regal will do for now.

I got nothing to add but yea it sucks Darrell's staying and I'm glad to see Will go.

And coming next week- THE TWENTY PAGE SEASON FINALE WRAP REVIEW. That's right- I said twenty fucking pages. 12 Font too. Be there or well don't be there I guess.

Mailbag!
Hey! I love your reviews the most out of all of them. Yours are the only ones I read... so you better write them for every episode :). The only thing I disagree with is Amy... I dont really like her too much. I'm a Jimmy girl. Anyway, I've met the cast 3 times already and I'm going for a 4th time May 18th. They are the nicest people you could meet. Do you live in the city? If you wanna chat, that would be great. I need someone to talk about SNL with. I've already got my FRIENDS buddies... I definitly need an SNL one now! -Brenda

Wow thanks- you only read my reviews- I feel like a cult leader. How can you not like Amy? Seriously- are you like Canadiens fan or a Daniel Alfreddson fan- if so hit the back button. I don't want you people. Amy has everything going for her- She's really hot, likes the Maple Leafs and is fucking hilarious. I don't mind Jimmy girls- it's the CK girls I hate. You've met the cast three times- I can dig that sucka. But as Kurt Angle once said: How many hugs you have? I will be there season finale- I'll be wearing a Leafs jersey or a Braves shirt. I'll also be really sexy and drop dead gorgeous. They are super nice- I mean Dean Edwards gave me a five today. Or it was a security guard- they look the same. I don't live in the city- I live like 30 miles north in a town called Pleasantville. (Reader: hey whoa- that's like a movie!) I'll talk SNL wit you sucka- just don't cause me to miss any castmembers. See you next week as I do my- FARWELL TO SNL!

sgoldenberg@boxfrog.com writes-
Always enjoy your reviews, you're a seasoned pro, and your Mailbag is
also
fun to read. But who says Kattan is leaving at the end of the season? 
And
I think the Reviewers and Readers spent too much time speculating who's
going to leave.

The Mailbag is the most fun to write so touche. It beats me having to come with new reasons to give a skit ***1/2. The whole CK deal is that he said in tvguide he maybe leaving and then he like didn't mention it again. I agree that there is way too much speculation going on- I'm guilty as anyone. You gotta figure- if someone leaves, hopefully they find someone funny. You miss the person for two weeks and then you like the new guy. I was pissed when they let Parny go but then Seth Meyers came in and I stopped caring about Parnell. Then Parnell came back- that was odd.

Wanna me in the SEASON FINALE mailbag. Email me at philhartmanrip@yahoo.com

Before we begin I'd like to say I met Kirsten yesterday and HOLY LORD! She is so fucking amazingly hot. She came in and then I came. So yea- if you ever have a shot at meeting her- DO SO! And with that note

W.
Cast- Will Ferrell, Rachel Dratch, Darrell Hammond, Maya Rudolph
Thoughts- Yea I'm gonna miss Ferrell's Bush too. But by November I'll probably forget. Unless the guy sucks balls. Well then I'll forget me and just make fun of the new guy. Hey- remember when SNL was all: We ain't gonna mock Bush anymore or something. That lasted like one episode. Anywho- its Ferrel, its Bush you throw in Cheney and its gonna be good. ****

Monologue
Cast- Kirsten Dunst, Horatio Sanz
Thoughts- She looked better Saturday afternoon at one. See kids- this is why its Saturday Night LIVE and not Saturday Night TAPE DELAY. I mean Holy Fuckup Batman. This monologues had more fuckups and not making senses than a Vince Russo storyline.
James E. Cornette: Well you know that son of a bitch Vince Russo
Anywho- I don't like fuckups cause they look unprofessional. And when things fuck up royally I'm all: whasupwitdat. And then I'm all well it was gonna be *** but you know you gotta deduct and divide a little and remember to carry the two. And then this crazy fuckup has turned your whole life upside down that you suddenly see on NBC that Roz and Fraiser fucked each other. What the fuck is up that? Are the people at Frasier that creatively bankrupt they broke glass in case of emergency and put Roz and Fraiser together? I mean bringing back the Cheers cast was bad enough but cripes all Friday. The Daphne-Niles relationship sucks the meat missile- they could've gotten so much more mileage had they done the Niles and Daphne are in unhappy marriage thing and there's still the tension and the crazy mixups and all the other stuff that used to make Frasier great. Now it blows. I say- fuck that Fraiser shit and give Lilith her own spinoff show. The only times I ever really watch Fraiser in sydnication are when I know we're getting some Lilith cause of acerbicity=hilairty. So the producers of Frasier I say this- You fucked up. Move on and have Scrubs carry Tuesday night from now on. *1/2

Pregnancy
Cast- Ana Gasteyer, Parnell
Thoughts- You know Lorne is like begging that baby to never be born so I can keep milking the pregnancy. This skit reeked of oddiocity- I mean just didn't seem to make sense. It was still funny though so I got to give it a high rating. See what I mean about liking the mailbag? ***

Last Call
Cast- Dunst, Jimmy Fallon
Thoughts- I watched Hog Wild today and Benoit takes on Malenko in this thirty minute awesomeriffic classic match. One problem- the crowd just hates it and stares like the whole time and I admit- it hurt my enjoyment of the match. Same thing here- the crowd just didn't seem to get that she was spoofing Vanessa Carlton and Alanis Morrisette. If you don't own the City of Angels soundtrack get it now. Not the Crow one- the movie with Meg' Crack Whore For Hire' Ryan. I know most of you were scratching your heads so I'll explain the z-100 thing since I like live in New York. From six to seven Carson Daly hosts this show called Most Requested where he plays the top ten songs of the day. Keep in mind z-100 does this AGAIN at 9. Now I'm not a Carson fan (I can't Rock On??) but it has gotta suck to have to listen to the same ten songs twice a day. And most of the music is garbage anyway just adding to the pain. Normally I would feel for you Carson, especially since Jennifer Love Hewitt and Tara Reid dumped your ass, but you didn't tell me to Rock On so that's your karma.
Darcy Tucker: I know about Karma. John Lennon: I told you it was gonna get you. Darcy: Eh fuck you.
Skit kicked ass by the way. ****

Bambi
Thoughts- This skit was written for me because of my pathological hatred for Disney. Fuck you, you money wanting freaks who cheapen the legacy of classic timeless childhood loved cartoons such as Lady and the Tramp, Cindarella and more so you can put out a fucking half assed sequel that no one ever wanted or asked for. I mean do Michael Eisner's kids need like a flouride treatment or something. Smigel hit the nail (boink) right on the head and this skit was hilarious. It was sad but hilarious. Fun fact- I've never seen Bambi. Hanna Barbera and Looney Tunes- 4 life. ****1/4

Danilion
Cast- Dunst, Ferrell, Gasteyer, Dratch
Thoughts- You know David Hyde Pierce and Mike Myers were like: ALZHEIMERS ISN'T FUNNY! Ronald Reagan was all: Well. And I'm all: This was amusing. ***

Wacky Extras
Cast- Dunst, Chris Kattan, Rudolph, Parnell, Poehler, Meyers
Thoughts- I like the first time they did this. On In Living Colour. Remember when everyone on that show was white? Me neither. This skit was tailored perfectly to Will and Amy's strength and didn't require CK to do anything thank god. The bit with Kirsten was just pure comedy gold. I could see this being a recurring character (Oh wait) Still- awesomeriffic excellent stuff here. ****3/4

Jarretts Room
Cast- Dunst, Fallon, Sanz, Poehler, Meyers
Thoughts- Again- I'm still waiting for Jeff Jarrett to come out and beat up Jimmy Fallon. Amy was really funny in this skit- I wasn't digging Seth or the duelling Jarrett things way insanely much but I was really digging the Gobe-other girl interplay-it just worked so perfectly. No Hugh or Jeff which sucked a bit but it was still really funny. ***3/4

Eminem
Thoughts- I didn't know Eminem was controversial. I'm so glad he wasted all this airtime to tell us. *

Weekend Update
Cast- Dunst, Tina Fey, Fallon, Rudolph, Parnell, Kattan
Thoughts- Hey remember when Chris Parnell did that funny rap about Britney Spears that had me dying on the floor with tears in my eyes? Well they did the same exact thing here. Chris can rap. WE GET IT ALREADY! The rap went on and on and on and on and on. It was like a Scott Hall match. The CK terrible re-enactments were wickedly funny and had me laughing my ass off and most of the jokes worked. Damn Parnell and his stupid raps. ***1/2

Kournikova v. Penthouse
Cast- Dunst, Ferrell, Gasteyer, Kattan, Parnell, Meyers
Thoughts- Two words: Entertaining crap. **1/4

Wake up Wakefield
Cast- Dunst, Rudolph, Dratch, Poehler, Fallon, Fey
Thoughts- Damn- WAW got the shaft. Kirsten Dunst and Amy carried this skit as Maya just did the same stuff she always does. Ditto Rachel. The part at the end was a bit hokey- I mean wasn't Jimmy dating Reese Witherspoon? Continuity people. It's WAW and it now doesn't suck anymore like last year which sucked. Previous WAW were really good this gets **3/4.

DeMarcos
Cast- Eminem, Dunst, Kattan, Parnell
Thoughts- Ah! The one gutbusting DeMarcos was the bon jovi one which aired really early in this show. Apparently Lorne I guess felt he was dumb for listening tome and shunted them back down. Eminem's fascination with swearing limited the song selection but seeing Kirsten look hot is always a plus. Skit was ok. **

Jack Handey
Thoughts- DUD

The Bottom Line- Avg. skit was **.8 which makes this a thumbs up show. Not many things to complain about it was just a solid show throughout. I like those kinda shows and I like Kirsten Dunst.

Next week- 20 pages or bust!

Thumbs Up


Episode Review written by Bob Barron


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