Cameron Diaz / Jimmy Eat World
April 6, 2002

Sports Report-
Nets- Forty nine wins!!!!!! First place!!!!!! Jason Kidd!!!!!!!!
Devils- They clinched a playoff berth and hopefully they get seed #6.
Leafs- Looks like they're getting seed four which means we get to beat the Senators. Again.
Canucks- Two points out with four games to go.
Braves- The season is young. 2-3 doesn't continue a decade of destruction though

Mailbag!!!!!!! writes-

Hey this is for your mailbag or whatever:
Do you not like darrell hammond?
and my other question is:
Do you know for sure who is leaving next season??
P.S. Lighten up CK isnt ALL that BAD, he'll be gone soon.

I'm not the worlds biggest Darrell fan. He's a bit of a whiny-ass bitch but he's pretty funny though. Him cutting up in the Barrymore really pissed me off.

I don't know whose leaving next year though I think (and I stress I THINK) that Will, CK, Ana and Darrell will be all gone. I also hope that.

CK is all bad-but yes he will be gone soon. Republicans rule!! Go Pataki!

Chad Ruffner at writes-

Hi Bob,

I read your SNL recap s every week.
Better yet, you're also a wrestling fan. Did you
enjoy Wrestle mania X-8 this year? I'm looking
forward to The split on Monday. It's about time!
Anyways I thought I'd ask you a question In regards to
SNL. I remember 1 time Norm was doing his W.U.
segment shortly after he said The F-bomb on The air.
This would've been around April or May of 1997. Norm
was on his closing joke, then for no apparent reason
stopped In Mid sentence. He then repeated The joke
and closed out The segment. The crowd did not laugh
at all, but gave a faint applause. Do you remember
this? If you do, do you have any knowledge on what
actually happened. It was a really strange occurance
that no one seems to remember but me. Any Info. you
can give me will be greatly appreciated. Keep up The
good work!

I really enjoyed Wrestlemania X-8. Hogan-Rock was amazing and the show was a fun show to watch overall. The split- Ric Flair- WTF were you thinking??? Lita????? I mean back in 2000 Lita was OMG- amazing but now she is a horrible, drugged out manly-ass piece of shit. Give me Molly any day. The answer to your question is that it occurred in the Pamela Lee episode and was basically a rib on the whole 'f' word thing where Norm said fuck. Thanks for the kind words. writes-

I don't think what you reported about Chris Parnell is true. His contract wasn't up yet (they all sign for 7 years or something like that); some big executive didn't think he was funny so he wasn't asked back. That executive retired, so they asked Chris back again. By the way, I see it's easy to tell you're a guy. Sorry about that last question.

Okay- I'll take your word for it. About the guy question lemmee check. (Hint- I'm only typing with one hand right now) Yep! I'm a guy.

Wanna be in the mailbag?? Email me anything at

Note to all men- wanna impress a girl??? Do flying elbows jumping off the barricade at SNL. It may hurt like hell but it's the pussy that counts.

The Culps
Cast- Maya Rudolph, Will Ferrell, Ana Gasteyer
Thoughts- What happened to Jerry Minor???? Ana Gasteyer ate him. It's the Culps which means its always pretty funny and this was no exception. Ummm I really believe the Culps are older than forty five- I mean c'mon. My only disappointment was no middle finger is distracting bit. Funny stuff though. ***1/4

Cast- Cameron Diaz, Ferrell
Thoughts- Damn. Cameron has a nice ass. Her and Shakira should have an ass-off or something. I liked the last time they did this monologue- in the Katie Holmes show. I wasn't even paying attention to this skit cause of the T and mostly the A. Ohhh yea! ***

Awards Show
Cast- Diaz, Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, Morgan, Dean Edwards
Thoughts- DEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!~ Shit- shocker of the year- Dean in a starring role. Now Grandma and Grandpa Edwards wont confuse him with Garrett Morris. (Ducks pie thrown by Al Sharpton) This skit was alright but just didn't have that extra oomph to make it to the *** range. It was like funny but not fuuuuunny. You know what I mean sucka?? Anywho lets quit while people think I still have some smarts left and say **3/4

MTV Spring Break/Oscars
Cast- Diaz, Amy Poehler, Rudolph, Tracy Morgan, Ferrell, Gasteyer, Seth Meyers
Thoughts- Damn- this is like a T&A fest. I like Shania Twain (at least I admitted it) and Tracy Morgan wins the coveted William Regal Award for best facial expressions. I mean- he was hilariousssss dawg. The Oscar thing adds _ of a star. I saw Molly Sims pull down her pants and lift up her shirt in person. Yea I know. Damn this skit was pretty good and the girls were hot. For those of you wondering I converted to the Maya is hot group when she rubbed my shoulder. ***3/4

Astronaut Jones
Cast- Diaz, Morgan, Rudolph, Dratch
Thoughts- Great. Now I have that song in my head. When they last aired Astronaut Jones I wasn't paying attention cause I was busy buying Super Bowl tickets to see the Super Bowl which is the biggest sporting event of the year. Damn- I'm a cocky son of a bitch. But as Kid Rock said in that song Cocky: What the fuck?? Pam- I fucked you and now you tell me this???? If Jon Stewart claims that Kid Rock and Pamela are what Britney and Justin were gonna be like in the future then Justin is like: Damn- I should've worn a condom. But I'm all: Fuck it-man. You nailed Britney. So what if your dick itches for the rest of your life?
DISCLAIMER: I know nothing about Hepatitis C and whether it makes your dick itch.
How stupid is Pamela Lee anyway?? I mean Tommy Lee was in Motley Crue which did more drugs and had more unprotected sex than Wilt Chamberlain. So uhhhh duh- sharing a needle with him isn't too smart. I mean sure if Barry Manilow offered you a needle then yea what the fuck then take it but Tommy Lee? I thought removing the silicone was supposed to make you smarter. Pamela- you disappoint me.
Ummmm this skit ruled so ****.

Celine Dion
Cast- Gasteyer
Thoughts- When was the last time Ana did Celine???? I believe it was the Ricci episode but if I'm wrong email me and you'll be in the mailbag! This was a disappointment considering the level of quality the other Dion skits had been. So uhhhhhh yea. Didn't suck balls or anything but to quote Ana as Celine- didn't exactly raise the roof either. **1/4

Gorgeous Living
Cast- Diaz, Jimmy Fallon, Poehler
Thoughts- 14 year old girl mode on: Oh I wish Jimmy really was the nekkid chef cause then he'd be (squeals) NEKKID!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fourteen girl mode off. Is it just me or did Amy's British Accent really turn me on. I mean Amy is insanely hot and really nice and a Maple Leafs fan but package that with that British accent and you got yourself one fine piece of ass. Skit sucked and wasn't funny but got to love the accent. *3/4

Weekend Update
Cast- Diaz, Tina Fey, Fallon, Rudolph, Poehler, Darrell Hammond, Horatio Sanz, Edwards
Thoughts- DEAN!~ AGAIN! Damn- what an epic WU. This ran like fifteen minutes which is pretty damn awesome and I must give kudos where appropriate. One or two jokes didn't click with me so it can't be ***** but the part with Dean as Denzel, Tina's rant and Jasper Hahn were all magically awesome in a magically awesomeriffic type of way. Tina's rant was right on the money- I agreed with her on everything. And since that little meely mouthed moustached bastard Geraldo Rivera laughed at me when I fell figure skating- any chance that little dickwad gets mocked is a-ok with me. Epic update, epic rating. ****3/4

Jimmy Eats World
Thoughts- Catchy song. **3/4

Cast- Diaz, Ferrell, Kattan, Ferrell
Thoughts- I just realised something. This was CK's only skit so amen to that. Kudos to you Lorne. Take a bow good sir! Man- doesn't it suck that A&E took NewsRadio off the air for the fucking View. Fuck them. This skit sucked badly and longly and hard but at least we wont see it next week when I do standby for the Rock show. _*

Cast- Diz, Sanz, Poehler, Rudolph, Fey, Gasteyer
Thoughts- This skit was alright. The tribute to NY thing cracked me up and it made me wish I had MTV2 since except for Tough Enough and that sucks now- MTV is horrible. Not bad for last skit. **

Jimmy Eat World
Thoughts- Radio friendly and catchy. **

Jack Handy
Thoughts- DUD

Bottom Line- Average skit was **.5. I know that seems low but that's cause there wasn't a lot of skits so stuff like Jack Handy and Peepers really brought down the average down. Don't get me wrong though- this show kicked ass and I'm even more excited about doing standby for THE ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     

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Episode Review written by Bob Barron

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