Jack Black / The Strokes
January 19, 2002


FROM THE OFFICES OF DR. THEODORE J. FUGELHEIMERSON:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whoa, it has been way (x 50)too long, Right now, I've got some "splainin" to do. See, my internet service was way too fricken slow. (Now I got DSL) This could explain why I missed my Christmas review, and the one for last week. I know that last year I promised to give my "Mid season Check-up". but because my modem only goes to 56K, you missed out on it. (These things take 2 hours tops to write, and I'm not going to get arthritis this early in life.) So to make it up to you, I'm going to give my abriviated version of the check-up.

To be brief, Billy Bob Thornton should never host again. Seth meyers is fast becoming our new Jimmy Fallon. As for the real deal, he's still cool. Darell Hammond & Chris Kattan should retire by next season. And Finally, John Goodman, Hugh Jackman, and Drew Barrymore are my patients of the year. Having FINALLY gotten that out of my system, let's get up to speed.

Like I said, Billy Bob was the worst host of 2001. In 2002 though, we have Josh Hartnet. I only Don't write reviews if the show sucked very bad, as in the one in question. So, I'm going to stop talking about Josh, and play a few hands of BlackJack... Whoops, I ment Jack Black. (Cheap Joke)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BUSH Whacked

OK, here's a question... WHO GIVES A DAMN ON HOW HE EATS HIS FOOD??? And another thing, why would someone want to break news that the President (As dumb as he is now) "Choked" on a "Pretzel". Anyway, let's get to the point. Will and Darrell's parts were OK, "Cheney" looked like the abusive dad in a disney movie. But the best part of this whole thing, was the fact the Jimmy FINALLY said the magic words, after 3 years? 4? Whatever, this can only mean one thing, the show is not going to suck.

Diagnosis: B+ (Thanks to Jimmy)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JACKing into the system (last of the "Jack" jokes, I swear)

Ah yes, Jack Black. Only now do I remember him from "Tenacious D" and that guest spot from 1998. All you need is the Bald guy any you're in business... OH WAIT, he was there! This was the first of many songs he crooned, why couldn't he have been both host AND musical guest? The only thing I found disturbing was the fact that he wanted to "Erase" John Belushi and Gilda Radner from "The annals of history". Oh well.

Diagnosis: A-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've tied bigger bows around my... well, you know... Christmas presents! (get your mind out of the gutter.)

This was good because the real commercials are fake in so many ways. There is an extensive list of real commercials that I actually hate. and if you want to know, drop me a line, you might be supprised. Getting back to this, the only good part was when Seth was pissed over his car. That's what made it good.

Diagnosis: C+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bong, Bong, BONG... BIG BONG!!!!

I almost expected Jarret and Gobi to make an appearance in this, JB was as good as a stoner can be. The thing with the tape, and the voiceover at the end was the best.

Diagnosis: A-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(INSERT MONSTER JOKE HERE)

At first, I didn't know it was JB as the monster, then the mouth kinda gave it away. Amy was doing nothing, or so it seemed. B and Jimmy were the only ones doing stuff... What's that you say... Oh yeah, tracey's token one line was weak. But the rest is just fine.

Diagnosis: B-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to be my LUVAH...

At first, these people freaked me out, but there's just something really funny about a man touching another man's (Ahem) deriere. I love the way they fragment certain words (I.e. Hot tub, Tow Truck, lover, etc.) It's just the ending part that sucks the most, it's the same damn thing.

Diagnosis: C-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You've got a FRIEND in me...

I really hope this is the last season of Friends. I don't care how it's coming back this year, the point is that you can't be a 20 something forever. Anywho, this might have been the only worse sketch this night. (Though it's not a sketch per se) I mean, c'mon, Incest? that's weakness if I ever heard so Myself..

Diagnosis: F
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In "Don't quit your day job" news....

Good god, actors singing is about as common as "Law and Order" these days. Which is actually what made this good. Jimmy did a good Keanu, Seth did a so-so Crowe, JB was the better half of the bacon bros. But they guy who did Keven Spacy (Jeff) was the best one. Darrell was as bad as Will.

Diagnosis: A-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kiss my (B)Ass

I was wrong, this might be the worst sketch of the night. The Gas Leak thing was the dumbest thing I've ever heard. One plus though, TINA FEY WAS IN THE SKETCH!!! (for about a second) The whole sketch was As big a waste as throwing away a whole turkey after having one bite.

Diagnosis: F
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Where the fake news comes first...

I'm going to give Tina special thanks, for saying all that BS about Enron w/o inhaling any oxygen. My favorite part of Update was back (I have an opinion) Kattan looked so much like that "Amelie" person, that it's too scary to think about. And of course, "Tenactious D". You can rank this one in the "Oh yeah"! file.

Diagnosis: A+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Strokes

"Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. what might be right for you, may not be right for some. It takes diff'rent STROKES, it takes diff'rent STROKES, it takes diff'rent STROKES to move the world!" (Hum)

(No Rating)

Sorry, I had to say something like that. Another thing, a lot of people have been complaining about Budweiser's Sponsorships of Musical Guests as of recently...

COMMENTARY:

Why are you complaining? It's not like this is a whole new thing, I've seen it happen on the mid-80s episodes. And Besides (Cue "America the Beautiful") Without any sort of beer sponsorship, millions of Americans wouldn't have the bold oppertunity of getting hammered late at night when they're watching a fine show such as this one. So in a way, you should be thanking the person, or people, who decided to come up with this sort of plug so that another generation of youths can enjoy the finest choice hops, barleys and malts that only the exclusive beachwood aging process of Budweiser can provide. And I'll drink to that any day of the week! (Opens Beer, chugs down, crowd screams wildly.) Thank you. (This Commentary has been sponsored by "Al-Anon": Now that you know what's in beer, don't drink it.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hillbillys have "Hee-Haw Gasms"


OK, So they're not playing Hillbillys, but they come pretty damn close. I really did not want to see JB's Man Boobs, Or kattan's Crotch. Maybe they should have traded this with whatever was playing at 12:50.

Diagnosis: (Tenactious) D-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jump around y'all, it's my birthday, it's my birthday!

Now this I could see in a "Best of" show. It wasn't funny, but it didn't have to be. Though parts of it kinda reminded me of "Goth Talk". Seems to me that this show has been mostly musical/comedy performances. Something I haven't seen since Willie (Ha, ha) Nelson. Hosted, Which Ironically was that night's Classic Show. Getting back to this, the funniest part was Will's Haircut. He looked like I could mop the floor using him and some "Shimmer".

Diagnosis: A+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...And me without a "Jack" Joke

Last week with the "Best of 2001" sketch may have been the last hurah for Mr. Handey. These novels make less sense than his "Deep Thoughts". But I'm sure he means well.

Diagnosis: D+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grand Diagnosis: B+

Prescription: Bring Back Black! (for another show)

In a few weeks: Last time she was on, I was skeptical. I might be feeling the same way on Feb. 2nd with Britney Spears. A show which I believe will be the last one before the Winter Olympics, so make it count. And until then, the doctor is out.


Episode Review written by Dr. Theodore J. Fugelheimerson


BACK to Jack Black "SNL" Episode Reviews