THIS IS MY 17th REVIEW OF THE 27th SEASON AND 32nd OVERALL.
Mark Polishuk is retiring? NO! NO! I won't allow it. Let's start a petition! Make sure he doesn't go out on a Saturday night! Or at the very least go out, but come back home in time for SNL. If James Woods was to play the role of a disgruntled person who reviews live Saturday Night Live episodes, James would go to Mark. He's been here for awhile. Last week he annouced he won't be doing reviews for every single show and then did some gossip on other SNL Episode reviwers. Just to clear things, I dispise Pepsi in all its forms. Anyway how about we look back at one of his early reviews? No. Well tough. Here's from Mark's January 10, 1998 review of Sam L. Jackson's show. (highlights only)
[OPENING] President Clinton's $40 billion movie project This was lame compared to other Clinton skits this year. Does anyone else get the feeling that if Clinton had lost the election that Darryl Hammond wouldn't be on SNL anymore? Farrell does a great Al Gore! Rating: 6.5/10
[MONOLOGUE] Samuel L. Jackson Samuel L. Jackson's 1998 resolutions Nothing special. At least SLJ seemed enthusiastic, unlike some past hosts. Rating: 7/10
[COMMERCIAL] Lemon Glow Floor Cleaner Not bad, but it's funnier when the product itself is something weird. Rating: 7.5/10
[SKETCH] Publisher's Clearing House Giveaway Does anyone ever notice that Tracy Morgan plays women more ofter than he does men? This was okay.Rating: 7/10
[SKETCH] Bravo's Interview with Quentin Tarentino Norm was great in this sketch, but added a few too many "okays" into his lines. The crowd was dead for this one, as they were for most of the night. Rating: 7.5/10
[TV FUNHOUSE] George Clooney Now this was funny! The best cartoon since the "Ambiguously Gay Duo"! Whomever was doing Fran Drescher's voice was doing a bad job of it. Rating: 8.5/10
[WEEKEND UPDATE] with Colin Quinn I was really interested to see how Colin Quinn would handle this, and he passed the test. This was probably the best WRITTEN "Update" of the year. The opening analogy about the bartender was very classy. Biggest laugh of the night is when Harry Caray calls him "Norm," because it seemed like the first time was by accident. Even though he did a good job, I still don't think that Quinn is right for "Update." The joke of it is that the newsanchor should look like someone who looks and sounds like an actual journalist (like Chevy Chase or Kevin Nealon). From the current cast, I think maybe Tim Meadows, Ana Gasteyer or Will Ferrell best fits that description. I also like the new set! Rating: 10/10 (The material was that good)
[MUSICAL GUEST] Ben Folds Five (performing 'Brick') This was very good. Only one song? Rating: 8.5/10
OVERALL Average show. It started slowly, got very funny in the middle, and died off at the end. Sam Jackson was good as host, and Ben Folds Five were very good also. Rating: 7.3/10
This is the same guy who writes long detailed reviews with lines (sometimes obscure) from the greatest sitcom included? Perhaps if this is alright I'll continue including old Mark reviews till the season ends. Sort of an evolution. Hey if he stops reviewing his Simpsons quotes are up for grabs.
COMINGS SOON! SNL END OF SEASON AWARDS. (check out Jack Black review to see who won halfway) The awards will be included in the last show. Which hopefully won't be Winona Ryder. Also! I'll tally up all the castmembers appearences in my Funniest Perfomers category and all the other categories. It will be a huge review as I try to review a entire season of SNL!
SNL History: Has hosted nine times, including twice in one season (co-hosted with wife Kim) and five in the last seven seasons. Featured in memorable sketches such as, Canteen Boy Goes Camping, Delicious Dish (Weiner and Balls), The Roxbury Guys, Inside The Actor's Studio, Lank Thompon: I'm A Handsome Actor, and Tough Guy. Memorable Characters/Impressions: Charles Neilson Reily, Pete Schwetty, Scoutmaster Armstrong, Tough Guy, Rober De Niro, Selected Filmography: Inside The Actor's Studio (guest-1994), The Simpsons (guest-1998), Friends (guest-2002), Law & Order (writer-1990), Beetlejuice (1988), Working Girl (1988), Miami Blues (1990), Glengarry Glen Ross (1992), The Shadow (1994), The Edge (1997), State and Main (2000), Pearl Harbor (2001), Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
SNL History: Featured Player early 1991-1993. Castmember 1993-1995. Cameo in Feb.16/96. Memorable Characters:Canteen Boy, Lucy Brawn, Opera Man, Fabio, HankGelfand, and Pedro. Selected Filmography: The Cobsy Show (recurring-1987-1988), WWF Smackdown! (guest-2000), Undeclared (guest-2001), Coneheads (1993), Billy Madison (1995), Happy Gilmore (1996), The Wedding Singer (1998), The Waterboy (1998), Big Daddy (1999), Little Nicky (2001), Mr.Deeds (2002), Anger Management (2003)
Thanks to IMDb and SNL Archives.
Sketch spoilers say that there will be an Osbournes sketch. The Osbournes are the biggest thing ever on MTV. Whatever you mention or may think of, The Osbournes have the highest ratings ever for any MTV show. Plus the show is hillarious! The bleeps just make up half the entertainment. Those people in Hollywood writing Pilots for crappy sitcoms could learn a thing or too from this. I enjoy this show very much and look forward to Haratio Sanz impersonating Ozzy. Kattan as Ozzy's son, Rachel as Ozzy's daughter (their names escape me at the moment) and Amy as his wife. Just a guess.
Senators, Leafs, Canucks and Canadiens have all gone 6-1 in the playoffs. They've outscored their opponents 22-9. Two games went into OT, but three of them were considered underdogs by many. Canucks haven't suprised me at all, Hasek has. Sens finally scored!! Canadiens scared the Bruins and thier fans.
OPENING: Fox News Channel's Robert Blake Coverage - 95
Not the usual opening, but of course SNL goes with the latest current events. I don't watch Fox News really so I have no idea who these people are (Will and Ana). They're all excited about this Blake arrest thing they interview their Fox News corespondant who talks about how this won't be OJ 2, but it will still be good. Then off to Fox New's own Geraldo Riveria! He talks about the dasterdly Robert Blake and how he's cancelled his Tour of Terror and is now focused on Blake. Apparently Geraldo also captured OJ Simpson. Then a parrot says live from New York. Nice opening, Darrell really made this sketch.
Ladies and Gentlemen Alec Baldwin - 94
This is Alec's 10th time hosting! He talks why he goes here so much. He can do all forms of low brow comedy. Then out of the blue, once more, Al Gore (beardless)steps in. (the rest of this mono review would be if Al Gore was reading it) They talk-ed a-bout how I Al Gore, lost to... Governor Bush. I told Alec that I have got-ten over it. I even wrote down some steps to help me along the way. I also called him homeslice. I did not in-vent the internet. That was simply a mis-quote. Some of the steps in-cluded drinking alcoh-ol, grow-ing a beard and other things that helped me get on with my life. We ended the mono by sing-ing a song. A very enjoy-able mono.
Kotex Classic [RERUN] - 92
Gay Voicemail - 96
This sketch was brief but hey still great. Parnell gives congrats to Alec who just got promoted, and tells him to record a message for his voicemail. He does this, but every time he hears what he recorded he sounds well gay. He's suprised to hear this. He asks a female co-worker and she hears nothing wrong about it. He's losing it. Even when he talks in a deep voice and leaves a short message it plays a longer gayer message. Some co-workers bring in a male stripper and he won't accept it. Real good.
Uptown Chicky - 94
Thought this was another sketch. Two couples talk about Alec's new girlfriend: a old black woman. The two men (Will and Jim) see nothing wrong with it while their significant others are jealous and pissed off about it (Ana and Amy). Tracy Morgan and Alec make an odd couple, Parnell and Maya were funny especially about the tucking in and call Guiness Book if he's not back in three hours. Jimmy finds this amusing while his wife doesn't. Darrell walks in with his new catch, the very tall Dean Edwards who tells Ana she'll smack the white right off her. Alec's ex walks in and tells everyone how she feels about white men who get rich dump their young white women and go for old black women. Will ends up kissing a old black women in the end.
The Osbournes - 100
All aboard!!! Ozzy heads into the studio to record, Sharon (played perfectly by Amy) heads back to the house because a dog crapped on the sofa. Alec and Seth can't understand a word Ozzy is saying. He only makes sense when he sings. He sings his lunch order and his thoughts to some of his songs. Then Sharon walks back in with a dog saying that Jack bayouneted the dog and Kelly got a tattoo on her face. Jack and Kelly walk in and the three of them start swearing, the beeps start. They all walk out and Ozzy looks like he doesn't want to go, but he does. Clinton's Thumbs Up. Parnell played Jack, so I was off by one.
The Cardinals - 91
All the American Cardinals are called to the Pope. All of them act cool and spy like. They meet the Pope and he tells them to keep their peckers in their pants! Another jab at the church.
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey - 97
This one seemed short, it had three guests though. The first guest actually stormed onto the stage. Ally Mc Beal was cancelled (Fey had a good joke about this), but Ally just didn't get it. Ally (once again by Rachel) gets into one of her speeches and praddle on how America broke up with her. She kisses Jimmy then pathetically slaps him. There wasn't even a phony sound effect. C'mon, I'd let someone slap me for comedy. That's twice Jimmy has been kissed on WU this season. Tina said she was going to do a Star Jones joke, but feared she would break through the map wall like the Kool-Aid Man and beat the crap out of her. Funny. Second guest was star of Spider-Man and one time host of SNL, Tobey Maguire. Seth did this and it really sucked the life out of this edition. He portrayed Tobey as someone who doesn't so any emotion, doesn't talk loud and occasinally stops breathing. It was funny but really brought down WU just li! ke that tape delay bit with Kattan and Sanz last year. The last guest was Tina's own daughter Savannah Dakota Fey. (hopefully that isn't the name she would name her daughter.) Anyway Savannah (played by Drath) is a teen that just doesn't want to be there and they do the usual parent/teenage daughter thing. S-Dogg (as she goes as) only likes black men and thinks that Tina is racist since she doesn't like Marcus. She only hates him since he stole her microwave. So they start arguing and Savannah asks why haven't you told me who my father is? Tina says she told her, he's a married TV network executive. After some akwardness Jimmy reveals he wears jeans when he does WU. Great WU, hopefully Savannah returns to WU. So Tina was what 16, 17 when she had her?
The Birthday Party Luvahs - 94
Its Roger's 47th birthday and its a suprise party. Colleague from the university are there, Roger keeps refering to a Asian man as the Asian Man from the Library. Virginia also has a suprise for her lover. Roger's old college roomate. Alec has a limp. Apparently long ago in Europe Roger and Virginia were making love outside and he saw this. So he starts pleasuring himself from afar. He felt such great pleasure he accidently fell off a cliff onto jagged rocks. He claims that this was his great achievement, the free fall release. This further disgusts the other guests. Parnell and Ana are once again a couple. Hmmm... Anyway Virginia has prepared all of Rogers favourite meats, all the previous meats mentioned in the other four sketches. They start eating this, Will and Rachel once again laugh and smirk, the guests leave and once again the Luvahs retreat to have sex. Virginia hops on Rogers bad back (he says this) and you know what happened. One of the better L! over sketches.
France Sucks - 86
With all the bad stuff in the world SNL reminds us the French are bad too. Even though USA is worse. Not really all that good. Didn't offend me. The French stink.
The Tony Bennet Show - 93
Alec plays Tony and his two guests are Liza Minelli and her new scary looking husband David Guest. Kattan was hillarious as Guest. Maya was great as Liza. Tony keeps on asking David if he's gay or misses the gay life in little metaphors. Finally he asks David if he misses having sex with men. He says yes. A little iffy on the gay jokes but they finish it off with a song.
TV Funhouse: The Anitominals - 94
They're back and they still have bulges and nipples. This one focused more on Lorne trying to not have some Senators not see this cartoon. Ana provides the voice for Senator Clinton. Anyway after a fight they end up seeing the show and enjoy it. As did I.
Big Thick Book - 86
Just two more live shows.
Overall Show Rating - 93
Thats an average, but it wasn't the best show of the season. Great stuff, Alec proved once again why this was his tenth time hosting. He'll probably host again. He could surpass Steve Martin. (lets not have that happen, get Steve to host again Lorne!) Rachel finally appears outside WU and it was great. Only one recurring sketch, but there were quite a few recurring characters. Anyway it didn't disapoint.
Funniest Three Sketches: The Osbournes, Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey, Gay VoiceMail
Honorable Mentions: Fox New Channel's Robert Blake Coverage, The Birthday Party Luvahs, TV Funhouse: The Anitominals, Monolouge
Funniest Performers: Ana Gaysteyer (Fox News Anchor, Jealous Pregnant Women), Darrell Hammond (Geraldo Riveria, Al Gore), Will Ferrell (Fox News Anchor, Roger), Alec Baldwin ( Himself, Voicemail Guy, Luvah Friend, Tony Bennet), Tina Fey (WU Anchor), Jimmy Fallon (Dumbass Husband, WU Anchor), Amy Poelher (Jealous Blonde, Sharon Osbourne, Savannah Dakota Fey), Chris Parnell (Fox News Corespondent, Jack Osbourne), Rachel Dratch (Kelly Osbourne, Ally McBeal, Virginia), Chris Kattan (David Guest), Maya Rudolph
Four Bad Things: That France Thing, Big Thick Book, Seth as Tobey Maguire, Jack and Kelly weren't featured enough
Impressive Impressions: Darrell as Geraldo Riveria & Al Gore, Alec Baldwin as Tony Bennett, Rachel as Callista Flockhart as Ally McBeal & Kelly Osbourne, Amy as Sharon Osbourne, Maya as Liza Minelli, Chris K as David Guest, Haratio as Ozzy Osbourne, Seth as Tobey Maguire
Honorable Mentions: Chris P as Jack Osbourne
Line From SEINFELD That Best Describes This Show: "You can't eat this soup standing up. Your knees buckle." - Jerry
RANKINGS 01] Ian McKellan 02] Hugh Jackman 03] Jack Black 04] Jon Stewart 05] Alec Baldwin 06] The Rock 07] Ellen DeGeneres 08] John Goodman 09]Billy Bob Thorton 10] Gwyneth Paltrow
Next Time: Kirsten Dunst She hasn't hosted before, but with she can act better than Britney Spears as seen in The Virgin Suicides and crazy/beautiful. It will be one week after Spider-Man was released so I'm expecting probably a Spidey sketch. Could there be a Celebrity Jeopardy! in this second last show of this season? Hopefully. I look forward to it and its great since I've looked forward to the last bunch of hosts since Jon Stewart.
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