Charlize Theron / Paul Simon
November 4, 2000

Ok, well I figured that if I also posted to the message board, maybe my
review might actually get looked at! GASP!! I'll cut out my usual
yammering and go straight to the review. Not like any of you could give 2
craps about what I have to say though :o) Well it's true. I'll never be as
revered as Mark or Jordan, who do rightfully deserve it. Their reviews are
fabulous. A little acknowledgement to the "little people" would be nice
though. I'm in college for journalism, and a little feedback would be
helpful, even though my reviewing style here is majorly relaxed.

Well, I wasn't really looking forward to this show. I've only seen Charlize
Theron in one movie ("The Devil's Advocate") and she was good. Hell,
anybody is gold next to Keanu. He used up his whole vocabulary at the MTV
Movie Awards. When he won again, I felt so bad for him, knowing he'd have
to resort to grunts and gestures. I've also seen Charlize grace every
awards show with her ideal body and gowns. Needless to say, I'm jealous,
but at the same time I just didn't see anything THAT special about her.

Yes, our country will go to shambles after 2 weeks. Here's my new platform:
vote Gore and use a condom. Well, you know what I mean. I've become a
hardcore liberal, and I see the SNL writers are too. First show of the
season without a debate! I didn't get to see the whole sketch b/c of family
responsibilities, but what I saw cracked me up.
SCORE: 5/5 (for trying their damndest to dissuade the public from voting

MONOLOGUE: charlize, tracy.
Cute. I kept forgetting she's South African until all those pre-commercials
constantly reinforced that. I like when Tracy gets an attitude. The whole
thing was kind of an easy out b/c the Cider House Rules jokes were already


TRL: charlize, ana, maya, jimmy.
Gemini's Twin or something? I feel so damn out of touch. I don't think
I've watched an MTV video in over a year. At least I understood the
Destiny's Child comparison though. "Salon's the visual" and shakin her not
very ghetto booty. Maya and Ana were excellent. Loved the "mmhmm"'s.
Jimmy's Carson Daly impression was very good, but what was with the glasses?
"I'm Carson Daly and I'm a massive tool." Ugh, he's now going to make my
Tara Reid 'Mrs. Daly.' Why couldn't he have stuck with Jennifer Love Bimbo

A DISTANT LOOK INTO THE FUTURE: darrell anddarrell?
I assume that was Darrell doing a duel role. He gets into the part of Gore
so well that I forgot that was him at first! Liked how Clinton was assuming
the Kato role and how Gore gives the country pop quizzes and homework.

Calista Flockhart and Ricky Martin next week. Interesting. I wonder if
that's just a ploy to keep Adam Sandler a secret. Probably not. If Kattan
doesn't do his Ricky impression then, I will cry. Why not Jane Krakowski?
Oh, my bad. She's not a size -5.

GOTH TALK/BLAIR WITCH: Molly, Kattan, Charlize, Horatio.
I can't believe I didn't see this coming. I LOVED THIS!!!! Goth Talk is
one of the truest skits they've come up with lately. "I have to be at
Cinnabun on Monday." As Homer would say "It's funny b/c it's true." Not
all of us mall workers are that dorky though. Charlize looks good goth.
I've been told I would too, but not in a Marilyn/Trent type way. Although I
have my inadvertant Geri Halliwell look going on now. That's ok b/c she's
gorgeous. Anyhoo. "I'm so scared."-- "Just go already!" My mom and I
laughed till we cried at that line. Liked Horatio's part as the "witch"; it
made a lot of sense. It's about damn time they really parodied this. I
hated the movie. I almost left to go throw up from the camera movement, and
was still nauseous an hour later.

A maxi commercial? Family Ties flashback? Did I miss something? Probably.
I can't review these cartoons for shit. I have nothing against Smigel or
Mr. T, I'm just not into these cartoons. Except for Ace and Gary, but
that's a give-in.
SCORE: 2 (if it can't hold my strong attention span, I consider that bad)

DI MAGGIO BOOK EXCERPT: charlize, kattan, jimmy, darrell, parnell, will,
Nice to see Kattan powder boobs. Charlize changes fast!! Boy was she an
orgasmic Monroe. And look, Jimmy's getting some tongue again. Haha, he
broke though. Big surprise! Let's get all the male cast and crew members
to go up leggy Charlize Theron's dress. This is when they all go worship
the ground Lorne walks on. I liked this though. Kind of expected since she
looks more like Marilyn than Mira Sorvino did for that cable movie.
SCORE: 4.5

Very relaxing. I like Simon with Garfunkle better though. Caught up on

WEEKEND UPDATE: tina, jimmy, rachel, hugh fink
I hate their opening taped montage. Tina's glasses are back? I like. Hmm,
more bush executing jokes. Eh, you can't go wrong with that. Jimmy Fallon,
will you marry ME!!! "I can't marry you, I just got playstation 2."
Rachel's so cute, although she should lose the bangs. But so should all
women. I love Tina and I love that electoral college explanation. This
semester, I've finally understood why I haven't understood that for the past
5 years!! It makes no damn sense and is so not democratic. Sigh. Oh Jimmy
Jimmy Jimmy. First he's too uptight. Now he's too relaxed. I can't
believe I'm saying this, but let Chris Parnell take over! You and Tina have
good chemistry and you're a majorly talented hottie, but you're not cut out
to be a newscaster. I've seen Hugh Fink before. He does comments for
Fashion Police in US Weekly. Only Jewish writer? Huh. They gotta get my
1/8 honorary Jew self in there!
SCORE: 4.25

BEDTIME STORIES W/MR. PEEPERS: molly, charlize, kattan.
Didn't Mr. Peepers just do "Sex and the City"? Charlize is DEFINITELY a
good sport!! This skit reminded me of an orgasmic Bird family. Gotta give
Molly credit for finally keeping it together! Hate to say it, but that kiss
didn't look so bad. My, isn't Charlizeaggressive. Threeway hump! SNL is
finally getting back on the right track, hehe. Yet as much as I love
Kattan, I just can't take too much of Mr. Peepers.

Flying pigs and hell freezing over...hehe. A vote for Nader is a wasted
one! Dammit, don't let the country fall into the hands of a coked up

Aw shit. That damn Little Nicky commercial where the wheelchairs go into
the bus. Oh yeah, real funny Sandler. At least the bus has a poster of
"Chicago" on it.


DE MARCO AUDITIONS: charlize, paul simon, rachel, kattan, parnell.
Kyle and Sean DeMarco are flippin hilarious. I've only seen them on the
Britney Spears one. They're very Spartan-esque. And uh, are these guys
brothers? Little close, aren't they. They should have done Simon's
bodyguard song. This was funny, but dragged on too long. Charlize didn't
have much to do and she really overdid what she had. At least she didn't
get up and start dry-shagging them.
SCORE: 3.75

Is Will stoned? And why the hell did they pick Robert Goulet? I don't
know, it had it's moments, but I wasn't too into it. "I like it when you
call me big poppa"-- oh my god, that just explains an old inside joke that I
never fully understood. No, I'm not retarded. That goat was soweirdand
this is ME saying that. Still, Will can squeeze at least 1 laugh out of
whatever he does.
SCORE: 2.75

Catchy. Better than the first one.
SCORE: 3.75

BUENA VISTA CLUB?-- charlize, will, horatio, jerry, parnell, tracy.
"Hey I'm the only dumbass here with a red tie!"-- the only good line of the
whole skit. Charlize getting groped. Go fig. They cut that off fast! I
just read in an old magazine that she really liked the movie Buena Vista
Social Club and enjoys that music.
SCORE: 1.5

Notice she always seemed to have the same look on her face in the pictures.

Well, I must say I'm impressed. I didn't think Charlize had it in her, but
she helped anchor the season's best show (so far). This doesn't mean I'll
check out The Legend of Bagger Vance. Not even Matt Damon can save that.

The best skits were Goth Talk, Di Maggio book excerpt, and Future Glimpses.
The worst were Buena Vista Club and Robert Goulet. Charlize did 7 skits!
Rock on. Jimmy, Kattan, Will, and Parnell were the busiest, with 4 each.
Jimmy's certainly a golden boy no matter how many times he messes up, huh.
Well, it's so cutely charming, hehe. You can smack me now. Horatio
actually did 3! Darrell, Tracey, Molly, and Rachel should be very bitter,
as their veteran talent partook in 2 each. Maya and Jerry got the same
amount of screen time as Hugh Fink and less than Paul Simon, but that's just
kind of a give-in now, huh. Get rid of Tim Meadows, hire 2 new black
people, and give them no screen time. Lorne, get your act together.
Especially before Ana comes and kicks your ass for only being on once. She
is one of the greatest talents on the show, and all she did go "mmhmm."
Well, all I have to say to the Americans is VOTE
TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tina fey has a fabulous point about the
electoral college, but if you don't participate, you have no reason to
complain about anything in this country. See ya next week!


Episode Review written by Christina Costello

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