It's Tony DuMont, here to let you know just what I was thinking:

OVERVIEW:
Not only is this episode on St. Patrick's Day, but it's SNL's 500th original
episode. Julia Stiles-I didn't know who she was, until I found out that she
was in Save the Last Dance. I think she'll be forgotten in a few years, and
Steve Martin would have been preferred for SNL's 500th episode. Still, she's
hosting, so I hope she's good. Aerosmith-that's a good musical guest. This
week, Aerosmith is being inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame.
They've been on SNL already in 1990, 1993, and 1997, and they've done well
in the sketches (Wayne's World, Rock On Michael, and the time they made a
music video with Mary Katherine Gallagher), so I think they'll be in a
sketch or two tonight. Also, I hope SNL does something special for its 500th
episode so discusses St. Patrick's day. I've been waiting for episode 500
all season, so I hope it's good.

COLD OPEN: MARTHA STEWART MAKES ST. PATRICKS DAY CRAFTS:
Nice to see a cold opening that isn't about Bush or Clinton, finally. It
just isn't the same now that there's nothing going on with Bush or Clinton.
SNL's political sketches don't have much power now that the election is
over. I miss Darrel Hammond as Gore. And these Dubya sketches are starting
to grate. So it's nice to see Ana's terrific impression of Martha Stewart
come back, especially in a cold opening.
8 out of 10

MONOLOUGE: TRACY MORGAN HITS ON JULIA STILES:
A good monolouge. I hope Julia is single. Or there are singles like her.
Singles who like me. By the way, she's turning 20 years old on March 28. So
Tracy Morgan is married? Well, he is doing well, having connected with Julia
Stiles and previously, Charlize Theron. Not to mention Jennifer Lopez's
booty.
6 out of 10

COMMERCIAL: HOMOCIL:
Good. Just like it was form the Sean Hayes episode. But why does SNL keep
re-running commercial spoofs three times during a season?
8 out of 10

WAKE UP WAKEFIELD:
I know that Julia was in the miniseries "The 60s", so it's clear why she
would be in "Hair". This wasn't funny. This was annoying. I knew Jimmy
Fallon's charachter would show up at the end of the episode.
3 out of 10

BITCHY POST OFFICE CLERK:
The ending was surprising, but this was just not very funny. This was just
like the Airport security guard sketch ("If you put up a fight, you ain't
getting on the flight!"). In real life, bitches are a serious problem that
have to be stopped. Nobody likes a bitchy woman. Except, well, the bitch,
that is.
3 out of 10

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE #1: AEROSMITH PERFORMS, "JADED":
Good job. A great song from a great group.
9 out of 10

WEEKEND UPDATE WITH JIMMY FALLON AND TINA FEY:
Jimmy and Tina didn't do too well on the jokes. They must have been drunk or
something. Now Tina's becoming Jimmy. Here's what someone named Stooge at
the SNL Transcripts message board had to say about that:

There were a lot of bloopers in the Weekend Update of last Saturday's new
episode - the blue bar
that shows behind the picture kept disappering, multiplying, and showing up
in the wrong places. I bet some sorry Update technician lost his job later
that night...

Still, the commentaries were good. Ah-nald could become governor of
California. It is possible to govern a state you know nothing about. Hillary
Clinton is a prime example. David Copperfield was good. I can't believe he
showed up, after Weekend Update kept calling him a dork. Well, I guess it's
safe for him, since Don Ohlmeyer made Norm MacDonald disappear.
6 out of 10

SUEL FORRESTER SPOUTS GIBBERISH IN A 1922 MOVIE:
This was the second funniest sketch of the episode. Suel Forrester is still
funny. Of course, I actually only saw him a few times before, in reruns on
Comedy Central. I'm surprised he wasn't in the 1999-2000 season. Still, one
of Chris Kattan's best sketches.
8 out of 10

FOREIGN CLEANING LADIES DESCRIBE TROUBLE IN THEIR COUNTRY:
Nice how they showed up that mean boss! But it was still lousy, like a lot
of this episode.
4 out of 10

A DIGITAL SHORT BY ADAM MCKAY: THE DOBERMAN:
This was a bad film. It was stupid.
2 out of 10

WHITE GIRL GETS NERVOUS AT APOLLO THEATER:
This was also terrible. Let me just say that.
4 out of 10

COMMERCIAL: WILLY SLUGG'S EYE POPPERS:
This was a little better, but not much.
5 out of 10

MUSICAL PERFORMANCE #2: AEROSMITH PERFORMS, "BIG 10-INCH":
This was a good performance. I liked it how everyone, even Lenny Pickett,
joined in. But what was with that shirt Steven Tyler was wearing?
8 out of 10

DER LACHELN BEHERRSCHT:
I can't believe SNL is putting its good sketches at the end now. This was
the best sketch of the night. It's a good thing that German kids' shows
aren't like this...I hope.
10 out of 10

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY FROM VAN MORRISON AND GUINESS:
This was a tad funnier. Van Morrison gets drunk and covers himself with
beer.
5 out of 10

OVERALL:
This was a lousy episode. Aerosmith and Julia were good, but the episode was
terrible. Even worse than the Conan O' Brien episode. Just when I thought
this season couldn't get worse, it does. Perhaps we need Molly Shannon back.
If only her ego hadn't got the better of her. All I'm saying is that next
episode better be @%&#*(&$! funny.
2 out of 10

NEXT LIVE EPISODE: ALEC BALDWIN AND COLDPLAY:
Alec Baldwin? Well, that makes my Guess-the-host count 5 out of 16. I hope
he does a good job, like he did in 1998, with Luciano Pavoratti and Vanessa
L. Williams. That was my favorite SNL episode of all time. I hope this is
just as good. It better be, after two bombs. This will be his 9th episode. I
guess it's due for him, as he didn't host last year. Maybe they'll highlight
his divorce with Kim Basinger. Coldplay...I've heard of them. They're this
British Radiohead-like rock group. I guess this is their debut. I hope
they're good as well.

Until then, this is Tony DuMont, and SNL is starting to suck, like the
backstreet boys! Hey, that should be another Smigel cartoon! Backstreet boys
and SNL having a suck-off! Just an idea!

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