Charlie Sheen / Nelly Furtado
January 13, 2001

Hey y'all. I'm back. I'm sure you all missed me. *snort* Yeah.

Happy New Year, folks!

It's very late. I'm very tired. This should not surprise more people, as I am usually very tired when I pound out my reviews. I really have to get off this going-to-bed-at-2:00 AM thing, otherwise I'm gonna be in massive sleep debt for the rest of my farking life.

I'm hoping this review will be posted and that I'm not sending it in too late. I'm also hoping that tomorrow morning my history teacher will not see that I've just been bullshitting through his course so far when I have my midterm conference with him. I'm also hoping to finish this review before I collapse of exhaustion.

My trip to India over the holidays was really really cool, in case anyone cares.

Okay, that's it. I have nothing else to say. On to this week's review

[Pre-Show Thoughts]
Charlie Sheen. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. *sigh* Well, I really like his dad
I never really liked Spin City. The only redeemable quality about that horribly mediocre show was that Michael J. Fox played the lead role. I mean, ya gotta love Michael. Now that he's gone and Charlie has taken over, he's made the show painfully worse than it already was. Man.
I do admire the way Mr. Estevez Jr. (I'm sure by now you all know the thing about Martin Sheen changing his name from Estevez when he got to Hollywood to avoid typecasting and that Charlie took his dad's stage name whereas Emilio still opts to go by Estevez, right?) has cleaned himself up and gotten sober and stopped having sex with all those prostitutes.
But I still would much rather watch his dad play the president on The West Wing than watch him play the deputy mayor on Spin City. I'm not sure how he'll be as host.

And as for Nelly Furtado, that damn "I'm Like A Bird" song has been played non-bloody-stop here on the radio to the point where I feel like I'm gonna projectile vomit everytime I hear it. Well, not really, but you get the point



[OPENING] A Message From President-Elect Dick Cheney
Hee hee hee "vice" president.
Darrell really doesn't do a bad Dick Cheney. I'm really going to miss that Al Gore impression, though. And Clinton, but I suppose they can still use Bill since Hillary is a senator now.
I loved how Will (as Dubya) attempted to act serious on camera and failed miserably. And how he couldn't get over Dick's name. (By the way, am I the only one who thinks it's funny that in the new administration we're gonna have a Bush, a Dick, and a Colin? Okay, sorry, that was tasteless, stupid, and now that I think of it, not that funny. I'll try to refrain from cracking dumb jokes from now on.)
Will's impression is growing on me.
I am starting to get the sickening feeling, however, that this is almost exactly how the next four years is gonna be. Not only on SNL, but in real life, too.
Well, not really, but you know what I mean.

Grade: A-


[MONOLOGUE] Charlie Sheen
The audience-questioning thing has been done so much that it's become highly irritating.
Although I did like how Tracy came in and bought the drugs from that dude. (Poor Tracy, I'm sure by now he's sick of this running gag about him and drugsalthough it does get him camera time, so)
And I also liked how Charlie paid the guy back because he had seen "Men at Work".
But what really made my day was Charlie's response to the question about whether he'd ever want to play the role of the president like his dad:
"I could never be the president. I mean, think about it, I've abused cocaine, I've been arrested, I'm not a very smart guyI mean, it's a big jump to think that people would want a guy like me just because his dad was president."
That seriously made my day.
Isn't that sad? I sure did have a crappy day.

Grade: A-


[COMMERCIAL] More of the Fox network's delightful programming
Herpes Island made me giggle.
Temptation Trailer made me chuckle, but significantly less than Herpes Island.
And The Cannibal just made me ill.
"Three bad new shows!" Yep, you said it.
Nice take-offs on Temptation Island and The Mole, though.

Grade: ehhhB


[SKETCH] Iron Chef
I can sum this up in three words: What the hell?!
I liked the bad English dubbing.
And the Emiril breast cancer awareness bit was slightly amusing.
But on the whole, this was more weird than funny.

Grade: B-


[SKETCH] Eric Dickerson's NFL Pre-Game Special
Ummmthis was fairly mediocre as well.
Will's Dan Fouts was quite good.
Tracy dancing to "Wild Thing" made me die laughing.
And Jimmy's (I LOVE JIMMY!!! sorry) Dennis Miller impression has gotten even better.
And those, sadly, were the highlights of this sketch.

Grade: B


[SKETCH] The Culps on MLK Day
I'm getting wildly tired of the Culps.
The monologue before the song was far too long and only slightly amusing.
And for that matter, the entire sketch was too long, and the song parodies weren't nearly as good/clever as the ones from the Calista Flockhart episode a few months back.
Oh well.

Grade: B-


[WEEKEND UPDATE] with Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
I really have to stop that, don't I?
Anyhoo, I enjoyed the crack about how Bush's first move to restore the nation's dignity is to have a soap star sing "She Bangs" at the foot of the Great Emancipator.
Ana does a really good Katherine Harris. She has those facial expressions down perfectly. I liked that bit.
Kattan's terrible reenactments of royal accidents is gonna be a recurring thing. I can already tell. And it's gonna get old FAST. The Prince Charles-falling-off-a-horse thing wasn't nearly as funny as the reenactment of the Queen breaking her collarbone a few weeks ago.
I also enjoyed the crack about how when you pulled the string on Rudy's (from Survivor) talking action figure it would say "Don't pull my string, fag!" Oh lord. I wish those damn Survivors' 15 minutes of fame wouldn't take so long.
And Maya can apparently portray any ethnicity fairly well. Cool.

Grade: A-


A few weeks ago I gave up on trying to put a letter grade to the musical performances because it's hard to grade something like that. So then I just decided to state in capital letters whether I liked or didn't like the performance. After doing that for a few weeks, I realized that it was fairly ridiculous to do that because if someone's too stupid to figure out whether I liked or didn't like the performance based on my commentary, they don't deserve to have it spelled out for them like that.
That being said, all I have to say is that Nelly sounds SOOOO much better on the radioit's not even funny. She sounded absolutely HORRIBLE live. This song is overplayed enough here, but I'd rather hear it 3000 times on the radio than once more live. Man. This was painful.


[SKETCH] Young and the Restless Scene 48 featuring Patsy March
ummmmI'm guessing this was Molly's blatant and unsuccessful attempt to rip off Jon Lovitz's Master Thespian character. Really really bad. Master Thespian could be a little irritating at times, but I'd rather listen to him than to this.
Why do all of Molly's characters seem to be variations on themes of Mary Katherine Gallagher, Sally O'Malley, and Helen Madden? Oh yeah, BECAUSE SHE'S OVERRATED AND BAD AND REALLY SHOULD LEAVE THE SHOW SOON.
The ending was pure crap.
Man, what a sucky sketch.

Grade: D


[SKETCH] How the HELL did she give birth to a 37-year-old man?!
Oh good lord. Ewww
Ted Brogan? Why does that name sound familiar? Isn't that a character of Will's that retired, like, 3000 years ago?
This was SUCH a stupid sketch. Dude. Five minutes of my life that I will NEVER get back.

Grade: D-


[SKETCH] The Waiter from Hell at T.G.I. Friday's (a.k.a. If I ever get a waiter like this, I swear to god I'd slap him across the face)
This sketch started out fairly lame and got progressively worse.
Good god, Kattan was annoying. I wanted to kick his teeth in.
Okay, this was also really dumb. Bringing Will in as the real T.G.I. Friday was really really stupid.
Will was also highly annoying.
This was five more minutes of my live that I will NEVER get back.

Grade: D-


What the hell?!
All right, that's it. Whoever is giving Adam McKay access to cameras and the freedom to air this kind ofI'm at a loss for what to call thisSHIT! Whoever is letting Adam loose with the damn camera and allowing him to air this shit should be pummeled. Thoroughly pummeled. If Hans and Franz aren't available, I'd be glad to do it myself.
But seriously, this was really really bad. There wasn't anything remotely funny about this. It had potential. It could have gone somewhere. It wasn't a bad premise. But it was not executed well AT ALL!!!
Dude, this only thing this film did for me was lead me to conclude that Adam is one fucked-up guy.
Adam McKay has to stop it with the film-making. Does anyone remember his short films from last year? Also pure crap. He needs to stop. NOW.
Yet ANOTHER five minutes of my life that I will NEVER get back!!!!

Grade: F


[SKETCH] Classic Vaudeville with Charlie and Fleisy
This was really funny. Seriously, this made up for those last three pitiful sketches (and that horribly bad Adam McKay digital short).
Only SNL can take a classic bit like Abbott & Costello's "Who's On First?" and make it into something completely tasteless and STILL have it be funny.
Man, I loved this.
Of course, it's only funny if you know the original "Who's On First?" routine. Which I do. And I love.
Charlie and Rachel both did a really good job with this.
Dude, this deserves a standing ovation.
This was great.

Grade: A


And that's all there is to say about that.
Whew, I'm tired.

All in all, this show wasn't too great. There were a few moments that were just fantastic (the opening was great, that one bit in the monologue when Charlie drew that parallel between him and Dubya was great, there were some good update jokes, and of course, there was that wonderful "Who's On First?" parody) and some of the sketches were mildly amusing (the Culps, the commercial, Eric Dickerson). But those three sketches towards the end---the Patsy March one, the 37-year-old baby one, the T.G.I. Friday's one were just plain bad. And the Adam McKay filmwell, I don't want to belabor the point, but it was probably the low point of the evening. The bad moments outnumbered the good in tonight's show, but at least the good moments were REALLY good, so that kinda made up for things.

Next week we have Mena Suvari and Lenny Kravitz. Looking forward to it. See you then.
I need to go to bed.


Episode Review written by Renee Epstein

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