Charlie Sheen / Nelly Furtado
January 13, 2001

One thing: for the very, very, very last time-until next year-I'll be changing my rating system. This is roughly one step away from using a letter system-which I'm using next year-in which every star equals 20%. So *** _ means 65%, okay? Good.

Classic Sketches of the Week:

[SKETCH] The Changing Play
Writer (BIM), Helen Stuart/Mrs. Lonsdale/Old Maid (ANR), Helen Stuart (DED), Carl Lonsdale (CHR), Mr. Stuart (MAL)
Originally Aired: March 7, 1981
Notes: This is one of the few sketches I've seen from this season, and it was a good one. It was especially entertaining seeing the cast rush through the story while Bill ran through the story. This sketch makes me feel sorry that everybody got fired.
Rating: ****=B-
Writer: "Helen lets out a scream."
Helen: "Aauughh!"
Writer: "A blood-curtling scream."
Helen: "Aughhhhh!!!!!!!"
Writer: "The most blood-curtling scream ever heard in the history of man."
Helen: "AUUUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

[SKETCH] High-Five Blind Date
Catherine (CHO), Anita (ANG), Johnny (WIF), Robert (Greg Kinnear), Waiter (DAH)
Originally Aired: April 11, 1998
Notes: This was kind of weird to watch, because Cheri Oteri almost never plays straight to anyone else. But it was also very funny, partially because of Cheri, and partially Greg Kinnear. Darrell Hammond was also funny in one of his few non-impersonation appearances. This was one of several great sketches from this show (Greg Kinnear's Monologue, Name That Dog, Weekend Update), but I chose this one. I don't particularly remember why.
Rating: **** 1/4=B
Quotes: "Great, you guys set me with a guy who named his own genitalia." Catherine
"Woah, you should never high-five someone if it doesn't come from the heart." Robert

OVERVIEW: Charlie Sheen / Nelly Furtado
For the first time since the Charlize Theron / Paul Simon episode, I feel really confident about an entire show. Charlie Sheen is the current star of "Spin City," and he's doing a bang up job on it. And Nelly Furtado, according to my listening "I'm Like A Bird," is a very good musician. So on with the showin 12 _ hours. I start writing these too early
[Update 10:28 pm] Uh oh, the commercial made from the dress rehearsal doesn't look too great. I hope that that's not what is soon to come. Watch me be wrong for the umpteenth time

[COLD OPENING] A Message from the President and Vice-President
Dick Cheney (DAH), George W. Bush (WIF), Carl Rowe (CHP)
Notes: I guess it's time to let go of Darrell's Al Gore, but his Dick Cheney will fit in nicely. This was very funny, made even funnier by the lack of quality of most of the rest of the show (see below).
Rating: **** 3/4=A
Quotes: "My cabinet has decided to name him 'Awesome Dude.'" George W. Bush
Live from New York, it's: Will Ferrell

[MONOLOGUE] Charlie Sheen
Host, Audience Member #1 (Paula Pell), Audience Member #2 (?), Dealer (TRM), Audience Member #3 (?), Audience Member #4 (?),Audience Member #5 (?)
Notes: This is where it all started, folks. This wasn't that bad, but you could see where the show was going. Fine, there were some funny parts by everybody, but still they could've tried harder.
Rating: *** 3/4=C

[SKETCH] Fox's New Shows
Announcer (CHP), Herpes Island Contestant (host), Herpes Island Contestant (JIF), Incest Perpetrator (DAH), Incest Perpetrator (CHK), Incest Contestant (ANG), Incest Contestant (MAR), Cannibal Contestant (CHP), Cannibal (WIF)
Notes: All three parts of this were in bad taste, but 2 of the 3 were still kind of funny, with only the Herpes Island being too disgusting. But I did like Charlie's line.
Rating: *** 1/2=C-

[SKETCH] Iron Chef
Iron Chef (CHK), Mashiharo Morimoro (HOS), Darrell Parcel (host), Yoko Akino (MOS), Toshi Taguda (CHP), Hiroko Yamazaki (RAD), Yakimuro Saijo (DAH), Correspondent (JIF), Emeril Lagase (CHP)
Notes: Hi! I've been going through some of Mark Polishuk's old files, and I've been looking for a particular onelet's seeah, here it is: the "What the Hell?" file. Let's just put it in thereall done.
Rating: *** 7/8=C+
Quote: "It reminds me of my hit song, 'Blue Jeans On Fire.'" Yoko Akino

[SKETCH] Eric Dickerson Live
Eric Dickerson (TRM), Dan Fouts (WIF), host, Dennis Miller (JIF)
Notes: This was just not a good idea, deriving from the Suel Forrester skits, but Charlie and Jimmy as Dennis Miller helped prop it up.
Rating: *** 1/2=C-

[SKETCH] MLK Bobbi and Marty
Teacher (JEM), Bobbi Moughan-Culp (ANG), Marty Culp (WIF)
Notes: The vibe even hit the recurring characters, although this wasn't so bad. I liked the insults they had said to each other, and the medley was good. Wasn't nearly as good as the Calista Flockhart one, but still passable.
Rating: *** 1/2=C-
Quote: "That was the only time I ever mocked Marty for being prematurely bald." Bobbi Moughan-Culp

[WEEKEND UPDATE] Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey w/ Katherine Harris, Charlie Sheen, Chris Kattan, Marta Mercado
JIF, TIF, Katherine Harris (ANG), host, CHK, Marta Mercado (MAR)
Notes: This and the cold opening were the only really good sketches tonight. One or two jokes fell flat, but the rest were great. Ana's Katherine Harris was funny; too bad she'll never be using her again. Jimmy's part could have been better, but Chris' Prince Charles reenactment was just as great as when he did the Queen Mother. Maya's part looked like it would bomb, but she did alright.
Rating: **** 1/2=A-
Quote: "Know what, Tina? Joan Jett called, she wants her haircut back." Katherine Harris
"Scientists announced today that they have spliced the gene of a jellyfish into a rhesus monkey, causing it's protein to glow green. Read all about it in this month's 'New England Journal of Evil.'" Tina Fey
"Earlier this week, Steve Gyre, an Englishman who has been blind for two decades, through a perfect game of darts. At least that's what we're telling him." Tina Fey

[MUSICAL GUEST] Nelly Furtado
I enjoyed the original song, so I got annoyed when Nelly deviated over and over and over from it. So, a little deduction. Sorry, Nelly, be happy with a B.
Rating: **** 1/4=B

[SKETCH] Patsy March in Young and Restless
Director (host), Actor (CHP), Patsy March (MOS), Actor (WIF)
Notes: Since Molly Shannon's leaving in four months, I assume she's not making a new recurring character. THANK THE LORD. This definitely would not have held up again, but there were some little splashes of humor from everybody around.
Rating: *** 1/2 =C-

[SKETCH] 37 Year-Old Baby
Doctor (host), Mr. Phillips (CHK), Ted Brogan (WIF), Mrs. Phillips (RAD), Bro (TRM), Bro (HOS)
Notes: Good thing I didn't put the "What the Hell" file back in the box before I was through. Anyway, on top of a stupid premise, it was at times gross. But I guess it deserves a D+ rather than an F because Will Ferrell's always good even with bad material, and I always like it whenever Rachel's in a sketch.
Rating: *** 3/8=D+

[SKETCH] "Condescending" Waiter
Manager (CHP), Husband (host), Wife (MOS), Greg (CHK), T.G.I. Friday (WIF)
Notes: Boy, the "What the Hell?" file getting a workout tonight. I don't know what to say. Everybody turned in good performances, except for Will, who was neither bad nor good, he was just in that gigantic gray "weird" area.
Rating: ****=B-

[SHORT] The Pervert by Adam McKay
Pervert (Adam McKay), Pervert (HOS), Pervert (Patrick McCartney), Cream of Wheat Chef (JEM), Diner Owner (CHP)
Notes: We will never mention this again. Never, ever, ever, ever, never ever again, and I mean never, ever, ever, ever, never, ever!! Never!!! Never!!!!!! Never, ever, ever, ever, ever again!
Rating: *=F, but really a J

[SKETCH] Charlie and Fleisy
Announcer (CHP), host, Fleisy (RAD)
Notes: I know this was in bad taste, but it was still pretty funny. I liked the original routine, and I also like it whenever Rachel's in a sketch. Did anyone notice this was the same background used in the 1981 Tim Curry and 1993 Danny DeVito episodes? Whatever, you don't care.
Rating: ****=B-

Performers of the Night: Charlie Sheen, Darrell Hammond, Ana Gasteyer
Best Sketches of the Night: A Message of the President and Vice-President, Weekend Update
Worst Sketch of the Night: The Pervert by Adam McKay
Cast Sketch Breakdown: WIF (7 sketches), CHP (6 sketches), CHK (5 sketches), JIF (4 sketches), ANG, DAH, HOS, MOS, RAD, and TRM (3 sketches), MAR (2 sketches), TIF and JEM (1 sketch)
Overall Episode Rating: *** 5/8=C-

AFTERTHOUGHTS: Charlie Sheen / Nelly Furtado
Geez Louise, this was bad. The last episode I remember being this bad was the Tobey Maguire episode. But whose fault was this show? Let's look at the suspects:

1. James Anderson, Robert Carlock, Tony Daro, Tina Fey, Hugh Fink, Melanie Graham, Steve Higgins, Adam McKay, Dennis McNicholas, Lorne Michaels, Jerry Minor, Matt Murray, Paula Pell, Matt Piedmont, Jon Rosenfeld, Michael Schur, T. Sean Shannon, Robert Smigel, Barry Sobel, Andrew Steele, Scott Wainio-Current SNL Writers
This is the most obvious group of people to point a finger at. The writing was only good in the cold opening and on Update, with the other two good sketches, the waiter sketch and Charlie & Fleisy, being good because of the performances.
2. Lorne Michaels- SNL Producer
Lorne really should have made better choices on taking out sketches; we missed what Charles himself said was the best one: Casual Lounge on the Death Star. That would have marked Tina Fey's first appearance as a character, playing Princess Leia. Maybe we'll see it next week.
3. Tina Fey and Dennis McNicholas- SNL Head Writers
These two people could have killed the bad sketches before they made it to air, but they didn't.
4. Rachel Dratch, Jimmy Fallon, Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, Darrell Hammond, Chris Kattan, Jerry Minor, Tracy Morgan, Chris Parnell, Maya Rudolph, Horatio Sanz, and Molly Shannon- SNL Cast Members and Featured Players
The cast of SNL should really think about what sketches they're performing in.
5. Charlie Sheen - Guest Host and Guest Musical Guest on the 1/13/01 SNL Broadcast
Charlie may have done in his own show. Charlie's past unfortunately inspired a lot of sex-related sketches. A lot.

Final Word: This show had too much sex-related straight comedy, rather than the parodies that the current SNL is more comfortable with.

Well, stick around next week when the host will be "American Beauty" star Mena Suvari and the musical guest will be Lenny Kravitz. I'm Mikintosh. Exit, stage right!

Episode Review written by Mikintosh

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