Charlie Sheen / Nelly Furtado
January 13, 2001

I'm Jordan Davidson. Wouldn't you like to be Jordan Davidson too?

So how was your holiday? Hmm.. I'd be in a much better position if I could
hear your answer.

Mine wasn't bad, I finally got that cell phone that I've been bugging my
parental units for, plus a version of Clue based on the Simpsons. And of
course, the usual 163 pairs of socks. I feel so blessed. Possibly my most
profitful gift was that lottery ticket that won me ten dollars, which I used
to buy another lottery ticket which won me another ten dollars. I
subsequently used those ten dollars to buy ten candy bars, and they were

I'm sure you don't believe me, because I'm obviously such a very exciting
person, but not much else happened. The remainder of my holiday was spent
schmoozing, watching the Raptors and the Leafs, what have you. I've
basically just been relaxing after a long semester, which ironically was
short compared to other semesters I've known. So that's my excuse for
pretty much having nothing.

And now for no reason at all, here's Larry King.

This is News and Views, here's my two cents gang, Kevin Willis is gonna look
great in a Nuggets uniform.

If you only see one movie for the rest of your life, it should be "Cop and a

Musician Beck, one class act!

Does anyone remember invisible cola?

If Rae Carruth is convicted of murdering his girlfriend, then he should go
to jail for a long, long time.

Between the University of Arizona and Arizona State University, nothing
beats the University of Arizona.

The more I think about it, the more I appreciate grass. A great, great

Nothing is as consistently funny as the TV show "Futurama."

I don't care what anyone thinks, in my book, Richard Hatch is not the
ultimate survivor.

Superbowl prediction, gang, it will be the Eagles by 21 points.

Has anyone ever really died of cancer? I mean, really?

This has been News and Views with Larry King.

You heard it here first gang, the Charlotte Hornets are a hell of a
basketball team.

I can tell this is painful for you, so I'll just shut up and begin the
review now.

Overview - As a fan of the first two Major League movies who thought the
third one sucked donkeys, I do have a bit of respect for Charlie Sheen.
Plus I like how he was able to shed his drug-laden past, and that whole
"call me Charles Sheen" phase. His name's not even Charles! Here's a fact
for you.. his birth name is actually Carlos Estevez. Which explains why his
brother's name is Emilio Estevez. Weird how that works out, eh? As for
Nelly Furtado, she's Canadian, she's hot, and yet I still don't know too
much about her. I must be living in the past and still on my crush on the
last hot Canadian female singer.. whoever that is.

Yes I realize I'm going to get many nasty e-mails from Shania fans.

A Message From the President(?) - Just seeing Dick Cheney in the chair was
the first of many big laughs in this opener. Will's Bush was still as
hilarious as usual, and I can't imagine anyone ever doing it better. For
the record, my first born son will now be named "Awesome Dude." A

Monologue - Man, is Tracy Morgan TRYING to mess up his reputation? The
constant jokes are still funny, but it's gotta be tiring, not to mention a
bit demeaning to him. Loved the Charlie Sheen-Dubya comparison. One of
those jokes that took a while for me to get, but was hilarious when I
grasped it. A-

Reality Television - Herpes Island.. funny, but hell, herpes could mean
chicken pox. Choose a more dreaded VD, like syphillis. The cannibal thing
was good too. B-

Iron Chefs - Another one of those WTF sketches. Where's The Funny?
Question for Japanese lip-readers--Were they mouthing real Japanese?

Eric Dickerson pre-game special - Considering his portion of the MNF sketch
from the Lowe show was my least favourite (and hardest to transcribe, as
you'll see if you visit SNL Transcripts), I didn't know what to think. The
appearances from Fouts and Miller helped it out, as did my old hero, the
"Wild Thing." B-

Culps - Minor's bit at the beginning was basically just a copy of Meadows'
from the Jackie Chan show. And not a great one. The music was still good,
if the premise hasn't stagnated over the past 4-5 years. B-

Weekend Update - Some good jokes, and a good commentary from Ana's Katherine
Harris. Didn't really get Maya's character, though. Chris Kattan's
reenactments are screaming recurring. I guess that's not too bad for now.

Nelly Furtado - I didn't hear the song, I was busy concentrating on her
massive hotness. B

The Stereotypical Molly Shannon Sketch - Yawn.. of course they needed to
show Molly playing another character exactly like the rest of them. I mean,
doesn't she always play a white female? Can't she do something other than
that? D+

At Least He Wasn't Premature - A funny premise. Astute viewers will note
that Ted Brogan earlier appeared as the "minor leaguer" in that sketch with
all the baseball players from the Helen Hunt show. Anyhoo, this merits a B.

Interlude - That baseball sketch gives me an idea.. For a trivia question
next week, simply name five baseball players from that sketch. Mail them to
me, because hey, if you mail them to someone else I may not get it.

TGIF (Thank God It's Funny) - Original enough. You think you're gonna see
another "rude waiter" sketch, then they throw in that "TGI Friday is a real
person" thing and you're blown away. I love it. B+

The Pervert - It's official. Leaving Adam McKay alone with a camera is a
medically approved way to induce vomiting. Inquiring minds want to know--if
he were made a cast member, would he stop making movies? D-

Classic Vaudeville - A cool ending! Sure, it pissed all over an actual
classic bit, but who cares? It was still well thought out and bloody
hilarious! Good job! A+

Overall - This episode marginally squeaks past the Charlize Theron show to
become my favourite of the season. That is kinda sad cuz I don't see it
being a classic, but still a good one. I still think SNL has plenty of time
and ability to do even better, though. A

Next week is the week of the funny name, when Mena Suvari and Lenny Kravitz
do their respective things on the show. Also, Dubya officially moves into
the White House next week, so you know what that means.. Clinton becomes the
5th X-President! They need to swear him in somehow, depending on whether or
not Smigel's still working there. They should still do it. It'd be cool.

Until then, see you next week!

Sudden thought gang: I have no compassion for people who commit larceny.

Episode Review written by Jordan Davidson

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