When Mary Lennox was sent to Misselthwaite Manor to live with Matt
Schroeder everybody said she was the most disagreeable-looking child
ever seen.

We're going to get things going with an update on "Matt's Totally
Meaningless Trivia Game." Both of last week's questions are now
closed, with points going out left and right. The answer to the first
question was "Raiders of the Lost Ark," and the answer to the second
question was zero. First place on the the Indiana Jones question went
to Analisa Johnson, second place to Cameron Archer, and third place to
Mark Polishuk. The Tom Hanks question was first answered by Cameron
Archer, then by Mark Polishuk, and finally by Mario Lanza. Now the
standings are as follows:

1st place: Analisa Johnson (8 points)
2nd: Cameron Archer (6)
3rd: Jordan Davidson (5)
4th: Arthur Jenson (4)
5th (tie): John DiMartino, carson, & Mark Polishuk (3)
8th: McAvoy Shipp (2)
9th (tie): Marcus Baker & Mario Lanza

So for the first time in a while, we have a new question. This week's
question is as follows:

What is the name of the Beatles' only monochromatic album?

Now it's time for everyone's favorite list! Yes that's right, it's
"...Of The Weeks!" Once again, extended to the point of absurdity!

Movie of the week: Quick Change
"The Critic" quote of the week: "My plan worked. And with the maximum
of subtlety."
Download of the week: "Infanati" by Era
Traditional anniversary gift of the week: Ivory (14th anniversary)
Soundtrack of the week: "Office Space"
Former Southern Rhodesian governor of the week: Sir Evelyn Baring
American holiday of the week: Bill Of Rights Day
Website of the week: www.candystand.com
Vintage car of the week: 1929 Duesenberg (can be seen at
http://www.classiccar.com/Images/dues_01.jpg)
Enlightenment philosopher of the week: Cesare Beccaria
Pizza topping of the week: Chicken
European capital of the week: Paris
Candy bar of the week: Pay Day
Bond girl of the week: Honey Ryder (from "Dr. No")
Humorous sports nickname of the week: Jim "Catfish" Hunter
Yogi Berra quote of the week: "It was impossible to get a conversation
going; everybody was talking too much."
Former U.S. President of the week: Ulysses S. Grant
Jazz artist of the week: Miles Davis
One-hit wonder of the week: Dexy's Midnight Runners (for their song
"Come On Eileen")
Bad Tony Curtis film of the week: "The Bad News Bears Go To Japan"
"Kids In The Hall" sketch of the week: Buddy Cole
Asian nation of the week: Laos
Unusual college mascot of the week: Cardinal (Stanford University)
This isn't necessarily odd unless you consider that the actual mascot
(or at least the one that you see at basketball and volleyball games
and represented on their helmets in football) is a tree.
Broadway play of the week: Chicago
North Carolina radio station of the week: WSSS 104.7
Dam of the week: Harry S Truman Dam
Obscure album title of the week: "Apprentice (In A Musical Workshop)"
(Dave Loggins)
Salt of the week: Mercury (II) fulminate (or fulminate of mercury)
Shade of green of the week: Emerald
British university of the week: South Bank University (in London)
Bird of the week: Common Loon
Number which, when entered into a calculator and turned upside down,
becomes a word of the week: 137
Non-offensive four-letter word of the week: Hope
Swiss American Football Federation team of the week: Winterthur
Warriors
Deceased French monarch of the week: Louis IX
Newspaper of the week: Washington Post
Foreign language of the week: Akan (spoken primarily in Ghana)
Branch of medicine of the week: Pediatrics
Hostess snack cake of the week: Ding Dongs
Non-American airline of the week: Aer Lingus ("Providing services to
and from Ireland")
Fabric of the week: Rayon

Let's keep things moving and get to "On Today's Date In History."

March 10, 1629 - King Charles I dissolves Parliament. He did so with a
gallon of water.
March 10, 1845 - Alexander Romanov, he who would be tsar of Russia, is
born.
March 10, 1862 - The United States issues its first paper money.
March 10, 1874 - Purdue University in Indiana admits its first student.
Surprisingly, it is a white male.
March 10, 1876 - Alexander Graham Bell makes the first telephone call.
Unfortunately, he had to pay ten cents a minute to AT&T.
March 10, 1913 - Harriet Tubman, conductor on the Underground Railroad,
dies in New York.
March 10, 1923 - Ara Parseghian, famed Notre Dame football coach, is
born.
March 10, 1928 - James Earl Ray, Martin Luther King Jr.'s assassin, is
born.
March 10, 1940 - Chuck Norris, the greatest actor who ever lived, is
born.
March 10, 1948 - Herb Hoover becomes the first civilian to break the
sound barrier.
March 10, 1955 - Mark David Chapman, John Lennon's assassin, is born.
This was just a good day to give birth to assassins.
March 10, 1958 - Sharon Stone, the most talented actress ever to walk
the face of the earth, is born.
March 10, 1965 - Rod Woodson, cornerback and kick returner
extraordinaire, is born.
March 10, 1966 - Edie Brickell, leader of the New Bohemians, is born.
March 10, 1977 - Shannon Miller, Olympic gymnast for the United States,
is born.
March 10, 1980 - Willard Scott becomes the weatherman for the Today
Show.
March 10, 1988 - Andy Gibb dies of a heart infection at the age of 30.

Hmm, that was rather short.

It's been a long time, but I have remained silent for too long. It's
time I made some comments about some issues. First up, the Grammys.

Now, much has been said about the Grammys not being very relevant. I'd
have to agree, to a point. However, until another better award
ceremony rolls around, I suppose it's the best we have, so as a result
I look forward to it every year. As for the four major categories, I
had no problem whatsoever with the victor in Record and Song of the
Year. As you recall, the nominees in Record of the Year were U2's
"Beautiful Day," Macy Gray's "I Try," Destiny's Child's "Say My Name,"
*NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye," and Madonna's "Music." As I had predicted, it
would come down to either U2 or Macy Gray. I chose Macy Gray, but the
award went to U2. Song of the Year was of course up for grabs between
U2, Macy Gray, and Destiny's Child, as well as Faith Hill's "Breathe"
and Lee Ann Womack's "I Hope You Dance." Once again, I predicted it
would come down to either Macy Gray or U2. Again, I chose Macy Gray
and it went to U2. Like I said, I really would have had no problem
with either Ms. Gray or U2 winning the aforementioned awards, so U2's
victory was okay in my mind.

As for Best New Artist, I'm sure you remember that the nominees were
Shelby Lynne, Brad Paisley, Papa Roach, Jill Scott and Sisqo. Frankly,
I don't think that Sisqo should even have been eligible for this award
considering that he was the front man for the group Dru Hill. Somehow
I doubt that even John Lennon or Paul McCartney were up for Best New
Artist after the Beatles broke up. Therefore, I think that Sisqo is
automatically disqualified. Shelby Lynne should have been disqualified
since she just released her sixth commercial album in eleven years.
That in itself should be enough to disqualify her from the Best NEW
Artist category. Apparently it didn't since Lynne ended up winning.
In my mind, it should have come down to three artists: Paisley, Scott,
and Papa Roach. I do not have any of these three artists' albums (they
released their first album within the time frame desired for the
Academy), but I am familiar with their music. Personally, I prefer
Scott's music the most, but my ideas were confirmed by allmusic.com (my
Bible for information about music), who gave Papa Roach's album 3 out
of 5 stars, Paisley's album 4 out of 5, and Scott's album 4.5 out of 5.
So my vote would have gone to Scott.

Finally, as for Album of the Year, I personally own two of the albums
nominated, Steely Dan's "Two Against Nature" and Radiohead's "Kid A."
Personally, I felt that Steely Dan's album was adequate at best, and
while "Kid A" was a good album, I didn't think that it was a great
album. Again, if we were to refer back to allmusic.com, we would see
that "Kid A" only received 4 of 5 stars, "Two Against Nature" also
received 4 of 5, Beck's "Midnite Vultures" received 3 of 5, and Paul
Simon's "You're The One" received 3 of 5. As a matter of fact, it was
Eminem's "The Marshall Mathers LP" that received allmusic.com's highest
rating (of the five nominees), getting 4.5 of 5 stars. Now while I am
not basing my opinion solely on the opinion of allmusic.com, I would
have to agree with them here. As I said, I was not terribly impressed
with either Radiohead's album or Steely Dan's album. I am familiar
with some of the music of the other three albums, and it was Eminem's
that impressed me the most. From what I heard of Beck's and Simon's
albums, I felt as though it was just another album by the respective
artist. I was really impressed with the humor and the
"tongue-in-cheek"-ness of Eminem's lyrics, and so from that I would
have to vote for Eminem. (Sorry Mom and Dad.)

Well, the NCAA men's tournament field of 65 was announced yesterday.
Here's my picks for the Sweet 16:

From the East: Duke, UCLA, Boston College, & Kentucky
From the West: Stanford, Indiana, Maryland, & Iowa State
From the South: Michigan State, Gonzaga (gotta go with the local
boys), Florida, & Providence
From the Midwest: Illinois, Kansas, Mississippi, & Arizona

Here's my pick for the Elite 8:

From the East: UCLA (yes that's right, over Duke) and Boston College
From the West: Stanford and Iowa State
From the South: Gonzaga (this one is my big upset) and Florida
From the Midwest: Kansas and Arizona

Here's my Final Four:

Boston College vs. Stanford and Gonzaga (there's a reason I'm picking
them over Florida, in case anyone's interested) vs. Arizona

And my final matchup:

Stanford vs. Arizona, with Stanford winning 76-68.

Remember, these picks are not to be used for gambling purposes. After
all, I'm never right with my picks anyway. The only time I've ever
picked the NCAA winner before the tournament was when UCLA won it a few
years ago.

Oh Lord, I have digressed for too long. It's about time I got going
with this review. Here we go...

Host: Conan O'Brien
Well, I've never been too thrilled about Conan hosting the show. I
think that my comments are rather well-known, but I'll try to sum it up
here for y'all. I think that this episode will be average at best.
Conan is a talk show host, a profession that does not exactly lend
itself well to sketch comedy. Now while SNL doesn't always have
actors, I have noticed that Conan tends to overact in those few times
that he does any acting on his show. I will say right here that this
will be one of the weakest shows of the year. Not necessarily the
worst, but the weakest.

Musical Guest: Don Henley
However, the show will NOT be weak as a result of the musical guest.
This brings up another point that has been on my mind. A while ago,
someone mentioned that certain styles of music are not being done on
the show as much as others. Recently (meaning the last five years or
so), there has been a high percentage of musicians in the following
categories of music: rap, R&B, rock, Latin pop, & teen pop. Now while
adult contemporary may not be the most daring of choices for a musical
style, I will have to give credit to SNL for having Don Henley as the
musical guest. He's got a new single out, "Everything Is Different
Now," and I personally enjoy it greatly. You would have to admit that
SNL has largely ignored the "adult contemporary/soft rock" musical
genre for a little while, so I am glad to see SNL at least taking a
step toward having different musical styles on, even though it
admittedly isn't much of a step. As someone once said, a journey of a
million miles begins with a single step.

Now without any further ado, I give you...

The Review of the Conan O'Brien/Don Henley Episode!

Sketch: The Latest In Politically Themed Cold Openers

Characters:
Will Ferrell as George W. Bush

Memorable quotes:
"On the job, making the tough decisions 24/7. That's 24 hours a week,
7 months a year." by Will Ferrell

Notes on the sketch:
Is it just me, or is it odd that SNL would be making a comment on the
J.-Lo episode's delay now, almost a month later? Another question: is
anyone really worried about G.W. Bush's health? Frankly, I'm worried
that he IS in good health. The fact that Georgy's will always be
"runnin' the show" does not have me resting easy. However, the
comparisons between an average adult male and Dick Cheney were good for
a laugh or two, and the line about how little G.W. actually works was
also humorous. But if you look at the season as a whole, this is just
one more political opener, and it's getting tiresome. All in all, this
was a pretty forgettable cold opener, and as it turned out, I had
forgotten it by the time Don Pardo said "It's Saturday Night Live!"

Sketch grade: D+ (Like Dick Cheney, these political openers could
really use some defibrillating paddles to get something going. Clear!
*bzzzt*)

Monologue: Conan O'Brien

Characters:
Conan O'Brien, Tracy Morgan, Max Weinberg, and Becky Weinberg as
themselves

Memorable quotes:
"I never seen a television studio before!" by Tracy Morgan

Notes on the sketch:
Again, I have to wonder if it's just me that thinks that it's odd that
SNL is making comments on the J.-Lo episode's delay now, almost a month
later. I suppose it's only me though, that thinks that it is not just
a coincidence that Conan is a horse's ass. Excuse me, WAS a horse's
ass. Maybe it's just me, but the whole premise of Conan taking
everyone down to see his studio was just a little weak in my mind. At
least to me (I feel like I have to make this little compensations
because everyone else seems to think that Conan is a comedy genius. I
see him as to comedy what Dan O'Brien is to comedy.), it seemed like
another attempt to show how great he is, as in, "Hey, I have my own
talk show also! I'm a big star! Come down to MY studio! See how big
a star I am! Never mind the fact that you could see my studio if you
just tuned in at 12:30 PM on weeknights! I'm so funny! Laugh at me,
America! I'm so funny!" Also wasn't too impressed at the three
stereotypical Japanese tourists. Tracy was the only funny part of the
monologue, as his presence was simply a joke on himself. One last
thing to wonder about: If Conan was so disgusted with Max having sex
on his desk, why did he start to crawl on top of Max right as they cut
to commercial?

Sketch grade: D+ (The last thing I needed to see was Conan trying to
act as though he's the funniest thing alive. But as usual, I was able
to get a few laughs out of Tracy's performance in a supporting role.
More on that later...)

Commercial: SubShack

Characters:
Jimmy Fallon as Jared Fogel, Maya Rudolph as a "sandwich artist", Ana
Gasteyer as Karen Jackman, Tracy Morgan as Bob Ettinger

Memorable quotes:
None

Notes on the sketch:
Who was it that said that fat suits automatically make a sketch funny?
Oh that's right, no one did. Why is that? Because it just isn't true.
The whole sketch seemed to be not a comment on the Subway commercials
(which, by the way were on the air months ago), but just an excuse to
put some people in fat suits. Frankly, I didn't think that it was a
terribly good ad, or even a good premise. I didn't laugh, but that
might be simply because I myself am fighting the battle of the bulge.

Commercial grade: F (Like I have said too often this season, no laugh
= F. However, that value meal looked REALLY good.)

Sketch: The Bahsten Teens Promote Underage Drinking

Characters:
Jimmy Fallon as Sully, Rachel Dratch as Denise, Conan O'Brien as Eric
Pearson, Ben Affleck as Donny Barlotti, Horatio Sanz as Frank

Memorable quotes:
None

Notes on the sketch:
I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but my college is a party
school. As a matter of fact, in the 1970's, Playboy Magazine did a
list of the top ten drinking schools in America. Washington State
University was not in the top ten, but there was a footnote that said
something along the lines of, "We're sorry Washington State, but we
only ranked amateur drinkers. We could not grade professionals."
Where am I going with this? Trust me, I do have a point. The other
night, my best friend was in town and we went out to a frat party. At
said party, my friend got drunker than he had ever been before. I
ended up being the guy who walked him back to my dorm, watched over him
as he puked his guts out, etc. As a result, my stance on underage
drinking has taken an even more serious turn for the worse. Needless
to say, I was disappointed to see this sketch, one where the main theme
was underage drinking. Even the ending, where it seemed (again, to me)
as though SNL was okaying the sniffing of rubber cement and paint
thinner by teenagers, was highly disappointing. Now granted, I was
probably one of very few people to have taken this stance, but maybe
it's not such a great idea to be promoting underage drinking anyway.
Now that that's said, I suppose I can actually comment on the sketch.
The Bahsten Teens are one of my least favorite recurring sketches, so
its presence here was obviously disappointing.

"But Matt, the Bahsten Teens are hilarious! Why don't you like them?"

Well, maybe it's because I don't like Jimmy Fallon. Maybe it's because
I don't like Rachel Dratch. Maybe it's because I think that their
accent is annoying as hell. Maybe it's because I just don't like them.
Whatever it may be, this sketch was pretty poor, and Conan's
participation in it was rather stupid. Not to mention how pointless
Ben Affleck's cameo was. Kudos to them however for accurately
portraying how hopelessly pathetic high school romance is. I'd talk
about that, but I'll save it for another day. I've gone too long on
this sketch as it is. Sorry, one last comment: Had I not just seen
Andy Rooney's commentary on 60 Minutes, I would have had no idea what
the whole "storm of the century" comment was about. Thanks SNL for
some more regional humor. Maybe next week you could make some jokes
about the problems facing Rochester.

Sketch grade: F (Sorry, but not even Ben Affleck could make me crack
a smile.)

Sketch: Moleculo, the Molecular Man

Characters:
Chris Kattan and Tracy Morgan as bad guys, Conan O'Brien as Moleculo,
Chris Parnell and Jerry Minor as cops, Darrell Hammond as a newspaper
editor, Jimmy Fallon as a photographer, Rachel Dratch as a reporter,
Horatio Sanz as a Mexican newspaper editor

Memorable quotes:
"El hombre de los moleculos!" by Conan O'Brien

Notes on the sketch:
Actually, the more I watch this sketch, the more it grows on me. This
is obviously a one-joke sketch, and the longer the joke went on, the
stupider it became. However, the part where Moleculo did his Spanish
yelling (followed by, "Si, si! Carumba!"), was pretty good. I have a
feeling I'm being pretty generous about my grade for this sketch,
but...

Sketch grade: B- (So if he's the "molecular" man, what exactly makes
him that? And what would his weakness be? Antimatter?)

Sketch: When One-Hit Wonders Attack!

Characters:
Chris Kattan as David Lee Roth, Darrell Hammond as Trent Lott, Conan
O'Brien as Fred Fairbrass (more on that later), Chris Parnell as Evan
Bayh, Ana Gasteyer as a female senator, Tracy Morgan as Larry Blackmon,
Rachel Dratch as Toni Basil, Jimmy Fallon as Neil Tennant, Horatio Sanz
as Gerardo, Will Ferrell as Corey Hart

Memorable quotes:
"Eventually I became too sexy for my gym membership fee." by Conan
O'Brien
"Word up!" by Tracy Morgan (Any of the five times he said it.)
"Chocolate! Doughnuts!" by Horatio Sanz

Notes on the sketch:
Obviously an excuse for the cast members to parade out their
impressions. It was okay though, since all of the impressions were
well-done (at least the ones that I am familiar with). However, kudos
to Conan O'Brien for just putting a British accent on his (relatively)
high-pitched voice. He obviously didn't feel like sounding anything
like Fairbrass, what with the deep voice and all. Anyway, I said I
would talk about Fairbrass. "Right Said Fred" was the name of the trio
that performed the song "I'm Too Sexy." Fred Fairbrass was the guy who
handled the vocals on that track. It would be like having Donald Fagen
testify and having everyone refer to him as Mr. Steely Dan. Frankly
though, even that wasn't terribly important, just a small critique.
Just one little side note: that bit about none of R.S.F.'s music being
downloaded is not true. I myself have that song downloaded on my hard
drive. "The guy from Cameo" is actually Larry Blackmon, and Blackmon
actually sings a lot more words than just "word up" in the song of the
same name. But again, it didn't really matter because it was
absolutely hilarious. Can't say anything about Jimmy's bit since I'm
not too familiar with the Pet Shop Boys, but I was quite familiar with
the song (yes, I said song) "Rico Suave" and the artist that performed
it, Gerardo. Man, SNL really didn't do a very good job in researching
these one-hit wonders. And due to a lack of knowledge of Corey Hart, I
felt obligated to do some research on him and suddenly understood the
joke about "Sunglasses At Night." For those of you who are in the dark
like I was, "Sunglasses At Night" was one of Corey Hart's big hits. As
far as I know, he has not hurt himself. It would be like Eric Clapton
(or Bob Marley) getting put in jail because they had shot the sheriff.
Funny bit with Hart nonetheless.

Sketch grade: B+ (Only a couple of minor parts, but an all-around
good sketch.)

Musical Guest: Don Henley
Song: "Everything Is Different Now" from the album "Inside Job"

Notes on the song:
What's up with Don looking like he's totally pissed at the audience?
And was it just me, or did the drummer look like he was the same age as
golf wunderkind Ty Tryon? Apparently Don had to be at a funeral right
after the show and just decided to wear all black to the show so that
he wouldn't have to change. Anyway, the song... I think I've
mentioned that I like this song. Something about it makes me hearken
back to my boyhood days when my parents would always have the local
adult contemporary station going all over the house. I guess that as a
result of that, I have taken a liking to Don Henley. I've got his
Greatest Hits album, and it's got a lot of great songs on it, including
"The End Of The Innocence," "The Boys Of Summer," "New York Minute,"
and "The Last Worthless Evening." But back to this song... I enjoyed
the bit with the gospel choir, and the song was really nice. This was
a good way to continue the good feelings left with me after the last
sketch.

Song grade: A- (No, the song wasn't as exciting as Limp Bizkit's
"Nookie," but it was a good song. What did you expect from an adult
contemporary artist?)

Weekend Update: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey

Memorable quotes:
"After experiencing chest pains Monday, Vice President Dick Cheney was
rushed to George Washington University medical center. When asked how
Cheney's angina would affect the administration, President Bush
confidently told reporters, "Boys don't have anginas!'" by Tina Fey
"Kathie Lee Gifford will play a romance novelist in an upcoming episode
of 'Just Shoot Me.' Kathie Lee said 'Just Shoot Me' is her husband
Frank's favorite show, and that he wanders around the house all the
time just muttering the title over and over." by Tina Fey

Notes on Weekend Update:
This was, unless I'm wrong, the first time all season that there wasn't
any correspondents on Weekend Update. I didn't seem to mind too much
because all of the jokes were on, and they didn't get too informal like
they were last week. Highlights included the jokes about angina,
Michael Jackson, Kathie Lee Gifford, and O.J. Simpson. For some
reason, and I can't quite put my finger on why, I felt really dirty
after the "kuter poke" line. I wasn't too crazy about the talking
cigarette joke either, as well as the one about paralyzed monkeys.
Also, perhaps it's just me but Tracy Morgan is turning into a joke on
the show. This Update was shorter than Gary Coleman.

Weekend Update grade: B- (Not bad. Not outstanding, but not too
bad.)

Sketch: Not Without My Taint!

Characters:
Rachel Dratch as Mrs. Braawn, Horatio Sanz as Ted Braawn, Ana Gasteyer
as a nurse, Conan O'Brien as a doctor, Will Ferrell as Freddy Gannon,
Chris Parnell as Gary St. Laurent, Tracy Morgan as a voice-over

Memorable quotes:
"Are you talking about my fleshy fun bridge?" by Horatio Sanz

Notes on the sketch:
This was too odd. The whole time, I just wondered how removing
someone's taint would save their life. There wasn't anything terribly
exciting about any of the performers, and there wasn't anything
terribly exciting about the premise. Another thing: How would a lack
of a taint automatically make someone a failure?

Sketch grade: F (Don't know what to think about this sketch. Just
too strange.)

Cartoon: Find the Black People at the Knick Game

Memorable quotes:
Gee, if no one said anything, there couldn't exactly be any quotes, now
could there?

Notes on the cartoon:
At first I thought that this was just a comment on how the only black
people at Knick games are the players, concession people, and Spike
Lee. But the last shot (the one that ended with Horatio and Tracy)
kind of threw away that idea considering that there were quite a few
"beeps". I can't say why, but I thought that this was really funny.
Every time I see it, I end up saying "What the heck?" as soon as it's
over, but I really enjoyed it.

Cartoon grade: A- (Something about this felt like a really bad game
of Where's Waldo.)

Sketch: VH1 Just Can't Get Enough of Those Damned Divas

Characters:
Maya Rudolph as Lynda Lopez, Ana Gasteyer as Deandra Wells, Will
Ferrell as Gordon "Boo Boo" Davis, Horatio Sanz as Donnie Gordon, Chris
Parnell as Alan "Sticks" McCray, Conan O'Brien as Josh Wells

Memorable quotes:
None

Notes on the sketch:
I remember once a few years ago when VH1 spent an entire weekend just
showing their entire (well, almost entire) collection of videos, so
somehow I'm not too surprised that they would spend 40-something hours
with a diva countdown. Now let's see, if Deandra Wells is #498, then
#499 must be Linda Perry (the lead singer of 4 Non Blondes, since we're
talking about one-hit wonders) and #500 would have to be the chick at
the beginning of "Baby Got Back." (You know, the chick that says, "Oh
my God Becky, look at her butt...") Sorry Mark, the MAACO lady is a
few notches higher. I have to wonder what it was about this Santa
Barbara concert that made it, as Maya said, "award-winning." Maybe
it's just me, but this song really reminded me of that 2Ge+her song "U
+ Me = Us (Calculus)." That's probably just because of the math
references to that insipid song she sang. Anyway, this was just a
rehashing of when they did this sketch last (?) season. And like the
last time around, this sketch sucked. Nothing terribly exciting to say
about it, except that I was happy when it was over.

Sketch grade: F (Not even getting into it at this point.)

Sketch: A Paid Political Announcement From The Democratic National
Committee

Characters:
Chris Kattan as Marc Rich

Memorable quotes:
None

Notes on the sketch:
What happens when a sketch sacrifices comedy for making a social
comment? Obviously, this is what happens. Kind of sad considering
that Saturday Night Live is known as a comedy show. I didn't tune in
to have social commentary, I tuned in to laugh. Apparently, the
writers gave up on comedy and put this out, possibly just as a way to
have Kattan do something besides a bit role. As for the comment about
there not being any Democrats of any repute, I suppose he's right;
Jimmy Carter is a pretty immoral person...

Sketch grade: F (What more can be said?)

Musical Guest: Don Henley
Song: "The Heart Of The Matter" from the album "The End Of The
Innocence"

Song notes:
Good to hear this one and not "Taking You Home." "Taking You Home"
couldn't be any softer unless it was sung by Richard Marx. This is a
really good song, and it was good to hear one of Henley's old classics,
even though it's twelve years old. I really like this song, and this
was a good rendition of it. Oh, and no the song is not called
"Forgiveness," even though the word is said numerous times. Glad to
hear the audience give Don a big ovation. He really deserves it.

Song grade: A- (Just leaves you with a good feeling, even though the
song's lyrics aren't terribly uplifting.)

Sketch: Giving John L. Sullivan a Run For His Money

Characters:
Chris Parnell as Chris Fowler, Conan O'Brien as James "The Gentleman
Masher" Corcoran, Chris Kattan as "Tiny" Jack O'Dowd, Jerry Minor as
Willie Pinckney

Memorable quotes:
None

Notes on the sketch:
The only positive thing I can say about this sketch was that I got a
kick out of the mustached baby. All the rest of it was pretty bland
though. Didn't really find anything terribly funny about it.

Sketch grade: D (Not all sketches this late have to be bad. Take a
look at the Robert Goulet sketches.)

Goodbyes:
Once again, they were unable to get through the goodbyes. On a happier
note though, we were able to find out that new show, "First Years."

Overall sketch grade: D+ (A lot of really weak material here.)
Overall song grade: A- (Good to see Mr. Henley do such a good job.)
Overall show grade: C- (Poor beginning, good middle, poor ending.)

Best sketches of the night: Find The Black People at The Knick Game,
Napster Testimony
Worst sketches of the night: SubShack, The Bahsten Teens, The
Taintless Wonder, VH1 Diva-Thon, A Paid Political Announcement From The
Democratic National Committee
Best player: Tracy Morgan
Worst player: Chris Kattan (Even despite the David Lee Roth
impression.)

And as predicted, a poor show. I don't know if I should look forward
to next week's show or if I should run and hide. At least the musical
guest will be good (How many times have I said THAT this season?).

As for one of my favorite players, I would like to say that Tracy
Morgan is best suited in supporting roles. All of his roles where he
is the central focus stink (Woodrow, Brian Fellow, etc.), but when he
is not the focus of a sketch (like tonight), he is very funny. I can
only hope that Saturday Night Live realizes this and exploits him as
such.

Well, next week we've got Julia Stiles hosting and Aerosmith musically
guesting. So until then, this is Matt Schroeder saying that I'm a
model, you know what I mean. And I do my little turn on the catwalk.

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