Well, it's been a long summer, but now it's time to get back to work.
Yes that's right, not only has school started up again, but NBC has
finished up with their awful (to say the least) coverage of the
Olympics. Now finally, Saturday Night Live can take back over with
their usual hilarity.

Well, I can't say anything about all of you, but I had an eventful
summer (to say the least). I finally graduated from high school and
celebrated by taking a trip to that beautiful country called France.
Spent a month there with a group from my high school and had a blast
over there. After I got back, I had enough time to relax so that I
could prepare for going off to college, even though "off" meant moving
90 miles south to the party college of America, Washington State
University.

Lord, the Olympics really sucked this year. I'd get on the internet,
find the results for all the races, then watch them all on TV four days
later. NBC really sucked it up with these Games.

I saw brief moments of the presidential debate this past week. God, I
hope that Al wins. I shudder to think of how America might turn out if
Dubya wins. That'd be a frightening thought. You know how in cartoons
where there would be a gang of three guys, two big lumbering idiots and
one tiny genius? George W. is one of the two lumbering idiots. I just
keep waiting for the little guy to pop out from behind the podium,
smack him upside the head and yell at him, "Doofus!"

But I digress... The reason I'm here, and why you're here also, is to
review the season opener of Saturday Night Live.

Host: Rob Lowe

Rob Lowe can currently be seen in NBC's "The West Wing". I personally
have never seen the show, but everything I've heard about it is great.
Hey, if it ran the Emmys, it can't be all bad...
Hasn't Rob Lowe hosted before?

Musical Guest: Eminem

Hope the kids were put to bed before the show came on. Eminem is one
of those that you either love or hate; there is no in-between.
Personally, I like him. I, unlike about 95% of the reviewers out there
(yeah Polishuk, that means you), actually enjoy rap. I respect it as
an art form, as well as a musical style. I also have a lot of respect
for Eminem, if only because he has the guts to actually speak his mind.
So without further ado, I give you...

Episode Review of the Rob Lowe/Eminem Episode!!!

Sketch: The First Presidential Debate

Characters:
Chris Parnell as Jim Lehrer, Darrell Hammond as Al Gore, Will Ferrell
as George W. Bush

Memorable quotes:
"Don't mess with Texas" by Will Ferrell
"Pass" by Will Ferrell
"More seldom than not, the movies gives us exquisite sex and wholesome
violence that underscores our family values. Every two child did. I
will." by Chris Parnell (quoting Will Ferrell/George W. Bush, so really
it was Will Ferrell that made the quote, but... oh shoot, I'm
confused)
"Bingo, that was it. That was it." by Will Ferrell
"Strategery" by Will Ferrell

Notes on the sketch:
- Enjoyed the bit at the beginning about the Republicans desperately
trying to gain votes in the key states by offering Pay-Per-View.
- Loved how SNL portrayed Dubya as he truly is, a stupid, stupid man.
- Loved how SNL was able to capture the little subtleties of Gore
during the debate, i.e. never shutting up, making vague metaphors, and
his incredibly slow speech style. Oh wait, did I say subtleties?
- Hoped that Will might say something about "fuzzy math". Really
enjoyed what Letterman said about Bush, something along the line of how
George W. Bush shouldn't be making references to fuzzy math, since he
himself speaks fuzzy English.
- Will didn't get many lines, but what lines he did have he made the
most of.

Sketch grade: A- (A quality sketch, but the constant reference to the
"lockbox" prevented it from reaching the top spot.)

Note on the intro credits: I like the new introduction. I'm glad
that they finally got back to using motion instead of the photos of the
players. The scrolling "Saturday Night Live" at the bottom was kind of
annoying.
Another note on the intro credits: Is it just me, or is four a high
number for featured players? And who is Jerry Minor?
Final note on the intro credits: It's about frigging time Lenny
Pickett got some sort of credit for his work in the SNL Band.

Monologue: Rob Lowe

Memorable quotes:
"How big is her booty?" by Audience Man #1
"His daughters are hot." by Audience Man #2
"How many did you win?" by Audience Woman (referring to Emmys)
"Is the room where they blow the President located in the West Wing?"
by Audience Man #3
"Eminem is here, so wake up the kids!" by Rob Lowe

Notes:
- Who is that woman that stood up and asked Rob about the number of
Emmys he won? I've seen her a number of times asking questions from
the audience during monologues.
- SNL needs to let the host do some other way of doing the monologue.
I'm sick and tired of seeing the host answer questions from the
audience. Whatever happened to just letting the host do a stand up
routine?

Monologue grade: C (Nothing special. Just your average monologue.
It would have been better had the writers thought of a different
premise for the monologue.)

Advertisement: Corn Chip Nail Tips

Notes:
- I wonder how they would get the corn chips to stay on the nail? They
could use some kind of adhesive, but no one would eat adhesive. Hmm...

Sketch grade: C (Like the monologue, nothing special about this.
Just an average fake ad. Nothing stood out.)

Note: During the commercials, an ad for the movie "Little Nicky"
ran. Now personally, I've never been a huge fan of Adam Sandler
movies, but this one seems like he's really desperate for a job.

Sketch: Monday Night Football

Characters:
Darrell Hammond as Al Michaels, Will Ferrell as Dan Fouts, Maya Rudolph
as Melissa Stark, Jimmy Fallon as Dennis Miller, Tracy Morgan as Eric
Dickerson

Memorable quotes:
"This new crew that I'm working with makes me truly lucky to have
worked with Boomer Esiason." by Darrell Hammond

Notes:
- Darrell neither looked or sounded like Al Michaels, but somehow it
worked.
- Every time I watch ABC, they're always playing some kind of stupid
trailer about how their new fall lineup is going to be so wonderful.
- Dan Fouts is an idiot. It only goes to show that football, like
boxing, can cause brain damage.
- Is Al Michaels a big sexist behind the scenes or something? I mean,
Lesley Visser had her spot last year and I never sensed any sexism
there. Because all the jokes with Maya just weren't funny at all. And
how come she kept saying "Al"? We know who she's talking to.
- Jimmy Fallon had Dennis Miller down exactly. I remember Dana
Carvey's impression of Dennis a while ago, but this one by Fallon (and
I normally despise Fallon because he is a reincarnation of Adam
Sandler) was perfect.
- They threw it to Eric Dickerson to talk about running backs, but he
talks about Daunte Culpepper, a quarterback.
- Morgan had Dickerson down also. This could be his breakthrough year,
now that Tim Meadows is gone.
- Why wasn't Rob in the sketch?

Sketch grade: B+ (A great sketch, but the whole bit with Melissa
Stark brought it down.)

Sketch: Rob Lowe talks to Ralph Nader

Memorable quotes:
"Who is this guy?" by Rob Lowe
"Lorne knows him, so that means he used to be famous." by Rob Lowe
"Look at him. He's high." by Ralph Nader
"They don't call it the Green Party for nothing." by Ralph Nader

Notes:
- I didn't recognize Ralph Nader at first.
- Ralph Nader is more boring than Al Gore.

Sketch grade: C- (Like many sketches already, there was nothing that
stood out. Just an average sketch, but predictable.)

Sketch: Pros & Cons

Characters:
Ana Gasteyer as Nancy Grace, Chris Parnell as Mark Fassbinder, Rob Lowe
as Warren "Shaggy" Shagowski

Memorable quotes:
"Zoinks you in the ass!" by Rob Lowe
"the reath renalty." by Ana Gasteyer

Notes:
- Rob sounded exactly like Shaggy. That was uncanny.
- Sodomy? Oh, never mind.
- Who played that criminal?
- Great reference to Yogi Bear. Pic-a-nic baskets...

Sketch grade: A (Nothing really wrong with this sketch, great all
around. And we finally get to see Rob Lowe in an actual sketch.)

Musical Guest: Eminem (featuring Dido)
Song: "Stan" from the album "The Marshall Mathers LP"

Notes:
- Well, at least he's being backed by actual instruments, not a deejay.
- I've only seen brief little snippets of Dido, but she has a really
pretty voice.
- I've got the closed captioning on right now, and these are really
good lyrics.
- These are REALLY good lyrics.

Song grade: A+ (Well, it's an immense step up from Kid Rock, who
closed out last season. I can't find anything wrong with this song.
The lyrics were amazing, it was performed well, and the song was very
good.)

Weekend Update

Before we begin, let's have a moment of silence for the departure of
Colin Quinn.

Notes:
- "Hi, I'm Jimmy Fallon." "And I'm Tina Fey. And when we get
together, it's news." Is this a joke? This is the best they can give
us after Colin? Please come back, Colin!
- "It's a quarter." Lord, that was a poor delivery.
- When they go back and forth, it's like they're a couple of "talking
heads" that you see on your local nightly news. Boring.
- "So suck on that, Portugal." Lord, THAT was a poor delivery. This
is the best they can... Oh wait, I said that already.
- The two of them do not seem natural. It seems like they were just
thrown together for the heck of it. This is going to be bad.
- I will admit, it was great to see Leon Phelps come back, but why come
back so soon? This is only the first episode since he left. But I
will say this, Tim has not lost it at all.
- "Ass Party". Great.
- When Tim came out, I said to myself, "Well, he's obviously there to
plug his new movie." I called it. I had forgotten that he's in that
new Michael Richards show too.
- What is up with Tina's glasses? It isn't the 1950's.
- That "Bamboozled" joke would have been a lot better if Jimmy hadn't
stumbled over the punch line.
- Is she saying what I think she's saying? Is Tina Fey a lesbian?
- Did she just say what I think she said? Is Tina Fey a lesbian?
- At least Jimmy has a decent Liverpool accent.
- The whole bit with the old-school rapping was hilarious. Even seeing
Eminem old-school rap was great.
- Jeez, that whole Weekend Update was LONG.

Weekend Update grade: D+ (Interesting how the only good parts came
when Tina and Jimmy weren't in the spotlight, i.e. Leon Phelps and the
old-school rappers.)

Sketch: The Blind Date

Characters:
Will Farrell as the guy, Molly Shannon as the girl, Chris Kattan as the
bartender

Notes:
- Ever notice how Molly has never gotten through an entire sketch
without messing up at least one or two words? "Emvarrassed"
- What's in a whiskey sour? I don't drink, so...
- I kept waiting for the punch line to happen, but it never came. What
a let-down.

Sketch grade: D+ (Some funny moments, but the sketch never seemed to
have a funny moment. I think they tried to make it about how Will was
so much higher up than Molly, but it was never a big point.)

Sketch: Dateline NBC Intros

Characters:
Rob Lowe as Stone Phillips, Will Ferrell as the director

Notes:
- This is the second impression that Rob has nailed, with Shaggy being
the first.
- I'm a huge fan of Dateline, and Rob hit all of Stone's little nuances
absolutely perfectly.

Sketch grade: A- (It's hard to make a sketch really great when the
whole thing is basically the same line repeated over and over, but
somehow this worked. Absolutely hilarious.)

Musical Guest: Eminem
Song: "The Real Slim Shady" from the album "The Marshall Mathers LP"

Notes:
- I love this song, but has anyone noticed that Eminem's rapping style
is the same thing all the time. He holds the mic in one hand and
punches the air with the other hand.
- Sell out. Here is a list of everything he did not say: "clitoris",
"fuck" (after he get's done saying that he does have to cuss in his
records), "shit" (said "shoot" instead).
- At least he said "gave head". I can't believe that slipped past
censors.
- Who is the guy that's rapping with him?
- Why did he get rid of the third verse? I was hoping to add to my
list of removed words.

Song grade: B (A step down from "Stan", but still a very solid
performance.)

Sketch: Chris Kattan in the SNL Olympics

Notes:
- What the heck is Brendan Fraser doing?
- Great line about how Tracy Morgan was ineligible because NBC found
traces of banned substances in his urine.
- Better with gay characters?
- Great parody of the NBC Olympic coverage. Seeing that it's a parody,
i'm surprised that the sketch was live and wasn't taped last week.

Sketch grade: B (Great premise, making fun of the NBC Olympic
coverage.)

Advertisement: Dream Team 2000 Video

Notes:
- I was really ashamed of the Dream Team this year. This ad brought
out all the points that made me not watch the games.
- Loved how they made fun of Allen Iverson.
- I didn't know about Gary Hall, Jr. and Amy Van Dyken's poor
sportsmanship.
- Seeing all of what the American athletes did makes me ashamed to be
an American.

Sketch grade: B- (Glad an American TV show had the guts to make fun
of American athletes. Yes I'm an American, but we really need to get a
lesson in manners.)

Note: Aha, Fraser's on to plug "Bedazzled"...

Overall sketch grade: B-
Overall music grade: A-
Overall show grade: B-

Best sketches of the night: Pros & Cons, Dateline NBC Intros
Worst sketches of the night: Weekend Update, The Blind Date
Best player: Will Ferrell
Worst player: Molly Shannon (her only sketch was The Blind Date)

Well, I'll see you next week when the host is going to be Kate Hudson
(of "Almost Famous" fame) and the musical guest will be Radiohead.
Looks like I'm going to have to see that movie and listen to some
Radiohead music.

By the way, Ricky Martin is going to be the musical guest sometime in
the next month or two, and you heard it here first: he's probably
going to do the song "She Bangs". I heard this song two nights ago and
really liked it. Yes that's right, I liked a Ricky Martin song. It's
got a catchy beat, and...and...and I'm going to defend my statements
when he's on the show.

BACK to Rob Lowe "SNL" Episode Reviews