Rob Lowe / Eminem
October 7, 2000


This is my first review. I just thought I should mention it. I'm also
Canadian, so I'm typing this from an igloo on the tundra. After this I'm
going outside in my 24 hour sunlight to play hockey, eh? I'm kidding.

Anybody miss Colin Quinn? Didn't think so. Bye Colin, good luck with your
*snicker* movie career *snicker*. Don't let the door hit your ass on the
way out. I have a gut feeling that this'll be a good year. I'm hoping for
lots of Mango, Celebrity Jeopardy, Bobbi and Marty Cole, and Fallon in
general. I'm not hoping for Sally O'Malley.

And did anyone see how MadTV tonight was sponsored by the Ladies Man? Irony
at it's finest.

Okay, fuck baseball. Seriously. It only started at 11:54 here. And Eminem
sucks. So this had better be pretty freakin' good.

MEET THE CANDIDATES - Gore is messed. Dubyah is dumb. That's about all
they did in this one. Although that thing about the old lady with polio,
syphilis, a missing leg, and Lyme disease made me chuckle. "Don't mess with
Texas!" And were we supposed to see the camera guy in the background?
GRADE: B-

OPENING CREDITS - Oooh, new sequence! New players! A cartoon! Eminem.
And Rob "That's not me in the video!" Lowe!

MONOLOGUE - Hillary's booty, Al Gore's hot daughters, no Emmys for Rob, and
a b.j. joke. That's everything you need in a monologue. But it was too
short for me. Come on, they couldn't have made a "Clinton is fat" joke?
GRADE: B+

COMMERCIAL - What? Corn chip nails? No thanks. Not even understandable,
let alone funny. But Horatio Sanz said "And Beef!", so it doesn't fail.
Horatio is funny. SO put him in a good sketch next time.
GRADE: D-

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL - "Leonardo DiCaprio at an NSYNC concert in the Mall
of America during a lunar eclipse." Classic. Jimmy Fallon is king. I hope
they do this every week, with more obscure references each time. But
Ferrell's great as a clueless moron.
GRADE: A

RALPH NADER - Heh heh heh. Ralphy must have a great sense of humour to do
something like this. Everyone vote Nader. If you're not already voting for
Lex Luthor. "Lorne knows him, so he used to be famous..." and "They don't
call it the Green Party for nothing!"
GRADE: A-

COURT TV - Oh...My...God. A Scooby Doo spoof. I was wondering how this is
gonna be funny, until Ana said something about pirate gold under an
abandoned amusement park. Then I knew it. A funny twist on court tv. All
the meddling charges too...hilarious. But I watch waaay too much Scooby Doo,
so all of his is funny for me. "You're honestly advocating the reath
renalty?" And the end joke about Yogi...best one of the night (so far).
GRADE: A

EMINEM feat. DIDO - Hey! Dido! She's hot. Too bad some dumbass white
rapper had to screw it up by saying pointless "what"s into the mic while she
was singing, and then do some more *snicker* singing inbetween the good
(Dido) parts. Wow, Eminem made a Phil Collins reference. Another crappy
artist. They must smell their own. Man, John Lennon gets shot 5 times, but
Eminem is alive and kicking. Where's the justice?
On another note, since when does the song come before Weekend Update?
GRADE: NONE.

WEEKEND UPDATE - All right!! Jimmy Fallon and new girl Tina Fey! And look!
The jokes are funny now! I think it's better when there's two people. And
Jimmy Fallon looks funny in a suit. "I watched Dark Angel. It was
awesome!" I agree. And Leon Phelps! Hol-ee shit, this is the best it's
been in years. Not perfect, mind you, just the best. Once again...so long,
Colin. Don't come back! Grade went down with Eminem's appearance. Did I
mention I hate him?
GRADE: B

AIRPORT BAR - Wondering where the joke was. Was that Kattan's first
appearance all night? Aw, screw it. I'm making a sandwich. This is worse
than Sally O'Malley.
GRADE: F

DATELINE NBC - Ohh, it's the intro recording. This is actually how they
talk though, so it made me laugh and worry for the future at the same time.
Rob Lowe does a good Stone Phillips. This reminds of this one sketch a few
years ago with Ted Koppel prerecording things for when he goes on vacation,
in case anyone dies. And it was sorta one-joke.
GRADE: C

EMINEM #2 - For this, a haiku:
Rapper Eminem
Sucks a ton of major ass
Please shut up and die.

Ha! Sell out Eminem censor f-words! Radiohead had better get two songs
next week. By the way, if you have the cash, pick up Kid A. It's the best
15 bucks you'll ever spend. Now where's my cartoon already?
GRADE: NONE

SNL OLYMPICS - This was exactly like what NBC's Olympic coverage did. Great
parody, and his parents explain Mango and Mr. Peepers in a nutshell. Too
much like filler though.
GRADE: B+

DREAM TEAM 2000 - Just plain funny, because you Goddamn Americans totally
ruined the Olympics by acting like you invented oxygen. The most gratuitous
forms of vulgar celebration I have ever seen. Bunch of Savages.
GRADE: A+ (from a proud Canadian)

THE END. Where the hell was my cartoon?

POSTLUDE: A solid way to start the year. Great skits in the Scooby-Doo
Court TV and Monday Night Football, a better Weekend Update, and Dido.
Unfortunately, they also had crap like the airport bar sketch, and Eminem.

Anyway, my average for this week is B+. Certainly nothing to sneeze at, but
aim a teensy bit higher next week. Plus Radiohead. I'm stoked.


Episode Review written by Dave Bennett


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