Lucy Liu / Jay-Z
December 16, 2000


Hey everyone. Happy holidays.

I have a sinus infection and I'm leaving at the crack of dawn tomorrow to catch a plane to India. The trip should be cool. The sinus infection is gonna make it hellish.

I need to finish packing and take a shower.

Needless to say, I'm really gonna make an effort to keep this review short and sweet. Which means that I have to refrain from going into a huge tirade about how pissed I am that George W. Bush is going to be our 43rd president. Gaaahhhh. Thank god I'll be eligible to vote in 2004.

Anyhoo, without further ado

[Pre-Show Thoughts]
Lucy Liu is cool. I have said before that the only reason I watch Ally McBeal is for Greg Germann and Peter MacNichol, but I lied. Lucy Liu is great, too. I also saw the Charlie's Angels movie (it's so completely not a movie that I would typically see, but one of my friends convinced me to go with her), and she did a pretty good job in the movie, despite the fact that that the plot was fairly predictable and the script was pure crap.

Yep.

I am not a rap fan, so that should give you a hint about my feelings towards Jay-Z.

 

[OPENING] What The Hell Is Going To Become Of Our Country Once This Man Takes Office?
Yet another Gore and Bush opener.
I love how the audience always cheers when Darrell comes on as Al. It makes it even more of a shame that Gore isn't the president-elect.
Will's Dubya still needs work. He's got those facial expressions pretty well, but he doesn't sound a bit like him.
I loved how Will/Dubya said "That Dick Cheney's gonna be one tough boss!" That was great.
Hell, the sad part is that it's true.
Anyhoo.
They should let Darrell/Gore say "Live from New York" once in a while.

Grade: A-

 

[MONOLOGUE] Lucy Liu
This wasn't bad. It was mildly amusing. What's more is that it was short and sweet. Short and sweet is always good.
"Save the calls, people!" I wonder if anyone really did call in to complain about the monologue. Hmmm

Grade: B+

 

[COMMERCIAL] Priceline.com
Darrell's William Shatner has gotten better, but it still sounds a little like Regis Philbin.
Shatner really should get out of Priceline.com before it seriously goes under.
Wow, I guess Shatner's only claim to fame really is Star Trek, huh?
This went on far too long. It got painful to listen to. Whatever happened to short and sweet?

Grade: B-

 

[SKETCH] Gemini's Twin on TRL
And Jimmy's Carson Daly has gotten better, too.
I sense that this band is gonna become a recurring thing like that 7 degrees Celcius thing they did for a while.
They didn't do a bad parody of "Independent Women Part 1" (the song that Destiny's Child did for the Charlie's Angels soundtrack).
This was pretty good. It was much better than the one they did with Charlize Theron.

Grade: A-

 

[SKETCH] Jeopardy!
I love the Jeopardy sketches.
Will's Alex Trebek still sucks. Will just isn't that good of an impressionist, in my opinion.
Jimmy did a REALLY good Robin Williams. I'm not saying that just because I love Jimmy. I swear, that was a dead-on impersonation of him. Wow. That was cool.
Lucy did an okay job as Catherine Zeta-Jones. "The diapers are in the bedroom closet and the baby's diapers are under the bed!" Hee hee hee. (I don't think I have that quite right, I'm not sure if the baby's diapers were under the bed or someplace else. I just know that that made me die laughing.)
And as always, Darrell's Sean Connery was magnificent. I loved the "Anal Bum Cover" ("An Album Cover") bit. That was priceless.
Incidentally, I wonder if Sean Connery has ever seen one of these sketches. I wonder what he would think. Hmmm

Grade: A

 

[SKETCH] Pretty Goddamn Living
Molly really needs to retire this character. You've seen Helen Madden once, you've seen her enough. There is absolutely nothing new you can do with her.
Helen Madden nauseates me.
And this sketch went nowhere. Hell, if they were gonna have Lucy's character be in love with Helen, they should have given that some sort of a resolution. This was just stupid.
Gack.

Grade: C

 

[SKETCH] Jarrett's Room
Wow, so far Jimmy's been in quite a few sketches. Cool. That's always good. I LOVE JIMMY!!!
Oh, man, Hampshire Collegenever mind, I won't go off about that. Except to say that the fact that Goby (Horatio's character) is still a sophomore after four years has a distinct ring of truth to it.
Hey, to quote Adam Sandler's Gap Girl, "I'm just telling you what I heard."
Anyhoo, this was okay. It was only slightly amusing. I cracked a smile maybe once.
Meh.

Grade: B-

 

[WEEKEND UPDATE] with Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
I've already declared that I love Jimmy twice, so I'll refrain from doing it again.
I liked the crack about Bush appointing Colin Powell as Secretary of Please Black People Don't Hate Me.
Rachel's bit was wildly unfunny. And her voice is just too high to even attempt to play a male character.
Changing Kattan's (as Baby New Year) diaper was something else to add to my list of "Things I Never Needed To See."
BUT I LOVED JIMMY'S SONGS!!! I hope they'll keep on letting him do this periodically, even though he's now an anchor. He did a damn good impression of Creed's lead singer. And I loved how he put on those glasses to do the "Beautiful Day" parody. DAMMIT, I love that song! And I love Jimmy!
And now I hate Tina. Well, not really, but I resent her slightly for getting kissed by Jimmy.
That's really unhealthy, isn't it? I really have to snap out of this.
But I love Jimmy
Okay, time to shut up.

Grade: A+ (Jimmy's songs were what made that grade so high)

 

[MUSICAL PERFORMANCE] Jay-Z
This is where I got up to make a cup of mint tea for my sore throat.
Damn sinus infection.
Anyhoo, since the TV is in the room next to the kitchen, I could hear Jay-Z's performance.
Yep, I'm still not a rap fan.

Grade: DIDN'T LIKE IT (in case you're not aware, I have given up trying to give the musical acts letter grades and am now simply stating whether I liked it or disliked it)

 

[SKETCH] Why The Hell Are The Ornaments Talking?
This was just such a complete flop.
I'm serious. This just plain wasn't funny.
This was stupid. I didn't even crack a smile.
Oh, wait, I did once, when Lucy said that she'd always wanted to see the inside of a dumpster. That was kinda funny.
This is the fifth sketch Jimmy's been in all night, including Update. How exhausted must he be?

Grade: C-

 

[COMMERCIAL] Robert Goulet Raps Again (This time with Jay-Z)
I'm sorry, Will just sucks at impressions.
This was funnier the first time they did it.
Now it's just annoying.
And WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH THAT DAMN BIG-HORNED SHEEP??!!! I completely do not get that.
So confused.
Bottom line: this sucked.

Grade: C-

 

[SEASON'S GREETINGS FROM WEEKEND UPDATE] with Jimmy and Tina
This was cute.
And kinda funny.
Yep.
(There is seriously not much else to say about it.)

Grade: Uh, A, I guess. I'm not sure if this counts as something I should grade.

 

[MUSICAL PERFORMANCE] Jay-Z
Time for some more mint tea.

Grade: DIDN'T LIKE IT

 

[SONG] Horatio, Jimmy, Kattan, and Tracy
YAY!!!
I loved this last week! And any excuse to do it again is good enough for me!
To quote what I said last week, this is just about the most delightful thing I've seen on SNL in a long time.
This was just adorable.
Man, I loved this.
That would be so much fun to do. I don't know how they keep straight faces while doing the song, though.
This was great.
I LOVE JIMMY!!! (sorry.)

Grade: A+ (I can't help it, it's just too cute.)

 

And that's the show. Lucy did a fairly good job. I don't like rap, so therefore I don't like Jay-Z.

Jimmy was in seven sketches tonight, if you count Update and the "Seasons Greetings from Update" and the song. That's the most sketches I've seen anyone on the show appear in for a while. Not that I mind. It's JIMMY, after all, and I L---yeah, okay, fine, I won't say it again.

I wish that NBC wouldn't cut out the SNL credits so soon and so abruptly.

Anyhoo, I should go shower and finish packing. Long journey tomorrow.

Happy new year, everyone! I'll see y'all in January!

THAT'S IT!!! THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! GOOD NIGHT!!!


Episode Review written by Renee Epstein


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