Katie Holmes / Dave Matthews Band
February 24, 2001

Katie Holmes is not my favorite actress by any means. I enjoyed her in "Go"
and "Disturbing Behavior," and "The Ice Storm," but I didn't think she was
spectacular or anything. Just a cool girl and all right actress. I haven't
seen "Dawson's Creek" for years. I watched it when it first came out and
was very impressed. Then, the soap opera shit started and I became totally
cynical. I only started watching again when I was getting hot for Josh
Jackson. The show is so damn ridiculous, and Dawson is such a whiny baby.
I have some respect for James Van Der Beek, but not Dawson freakin Leery.
Nobody gives Michelle Williams enough credit though. She's the best actor
of the lot! Sigh. Isn't that always the way

Dave Matthews Band are my 3rd favorite band, along with Aerosmith and Billy
Joel, and among many others. Their sound is so unique. They were the first
band that made me dare to be different and like back in sophomore year of
high school (they weren't very popular among my age group during Under the
Table and Dreaming). I'd say I have an eclectic range of interests though.
I just don't have enough money to keep buying CD's, and I don't have
speakers now, so Napster's out of the picture. But anyway.

On a happy note for me, I just have to share: I'm going to NY in 20 days to
(dum dum dum dum), see Alan Cumming's new
It'll be on a Saturday, so I'm curious to know who's doing SNL that week.
But if I meet him where everybody else does outside the stage door
I will die a content lady.
And he's all pierced again
I even started another countdown on my answering machine.

Anywho, on with the review, and pardon my Jimmy squeals. I usually resist
better, but I couldn't this week!


CLINTONS: Darrell, Ana, Horatio, Parnell
I guess nearly every opening is destined to be political. "I do what I
likes, and I likes what I do!" Hillary's cracking up was the best. Have
they ever had her crack a smile? "We're like the Sopranos in a pickup
truck." You know, Chris Parnell really isn't bad looking. This was funnier
than last week's, but I don't like how they're pulling a Leno and still
focusing on the Clintons.
SCORE: 3.5/5

Rachel's still featured? Waah.

MONOLOGUE: Katie, Will
Black satin is hot. Her hair definitely has shine, but it's SO flat! Ok
Katie, you should have paused before saying "Dawson's Creek," not like the
joke was that funny anyway. Actually, she does sing and dance-- Rosie
O'Donnell tried to get her to on her show. Ok, yes, you knew this was
coming this reminded me of the Alan Cumming opener (runs and hides).
They're always trying to find hidden talents. Will was very funny.
"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Turner and Hooch, Turner and Hooch" I
wanna tap too, so I can dance like Columbia from "Rocky Horror." Ok, the
Fosse thing rocked. That's my favorite kind of Broadway, besides the
raunchy "Cabaret," of course. Three things: You hit the wrong note. Could
your skirt slit BE any higher? She is TOO skinny.

PEEPERS AT THE CREEK: Jimmy, Katie, Parnell, Kattan, Horatio
Ok, I was crying at Jimmy's Dawson. That was so fuckin cool. Parnell does
a GREAT Pacey. Katie really looked gaunt here. Her eyes were Calista
Flockhart-esque. Ah, but they played "Teenage Dirtbag," sweeeeet. You
gotta admire the actress willing to be spit on by Kattan. "You have the
most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." What reactions!!! Who was Horatio?
(I haven't seen the show in forever). Ah, nice soft lighting during the
seduction, perfect! Kattan's really making with the ladies this season.
Pretty funny. Oh, Katie's self parody was just beautiful. "I'm going to
remember him for humping the couch just as much as he humped me." She's
really trying to bare her ribs, isn't she? Heh, she's taller than Peepers.
The CPR was great. Ok, I would have lost it if Peepers was on me like that.
And he fell!!!! Ha! This was so great.

CONAN!!!!!!!!!!! Don Henley? Bleh. I'm hoping for some Sully and

DREW AND TOM: Maya, Katie, Jimmy, Tracy
Katie did an excellent job of Drew Barrymore, voice and expression-wise.
Kate Hudson just had the advantage of looking more like her. "My bum is on
fire, and I am not a liar." And Tracy-- "Hell no, that's going to burn
down to the ground!" and "I sure wanna get it on with you!" Jimmy
licking. Icky b/c Tom, but yummy b/c Jimmy. That dog ruled. "He makes
David Arquette look like a genius."

TV FUNHOUSE: Backstreet Boys
Hehehe. "You guys rock." "Thanks Mr Tesh!" I've already said that I can't
grade TV Funhouse's and music. But this was very funny, I'll say that.

LAH-VAHS: Will, Rachel, Jimmy, Katie
I've said it once, I'll say it again: "It's funny b/c it's true." "And we
make love right there in that chair you're sitting in." It's so true--
Will can say ANYTHING and make it hilarious. Everything Katie said at the
end.yes. This reminded me of a verbose Zimmermans, with Dieter vocabulary.
It cracked me up the first time around, and that's good! No problems with
anybody here.

Oh yeah. "I Did It." Dave really is becoming sexy to me, even though the
beer is starting to stick to him. I'm so pissed that the only fiddling Boyd
could do was in between commercials. Dave rules. Oh man, this would be a 6
out of 5 if I was scoring. I want to go see them in concert again!

WEEKEND UPDATE: Jimmy, Tina, Horatio, Parnell
Why did that TV go up and down at the beginning? (On being compared to
Eminem) "The president responded, 'Yo bitch I'm going to kill you and put
you in the trunk of my car.'" That Unimog frame lingered for too long.
(Kennedy's) "I didn't want to be involved in a sex and death scandal, but
it was my turn." Did Tina just do a little tongue flick? How cute. Ok, I
knew the midwife joke was coming from her. Yeah, female gynecologists are
better. "I'm not going to fire him yet, I wan tto see how wthe pictures
turn out!" Making fun of Lopez already? Sweet. Loved the jilted lover
thing. Ok, Elton and Eminem. (Elton's Grammy suit) "It looks like contact
paper from John Waters kitchen! Hello!!" Ok, Parnell does SUCH a good job
as Eminem! I knew what the joke was going to be, but I did not know they
were going to take it so far! And boy is Parnell getting some male ass this
year. Ooh, Jimmy looked like he was about to hump Tina at the end!

JARRETT'S ROOM: Jimmy, Horatio, Katie, Parnell
I've said it before, Jimmy really looks good with that hair. Smile, smile!!
Horatio is frighteningly accurate. "She's in my women's studies class,
which by the way has not paid off like I was told." Ok, hey, we're not all
lesbians or uptight! Stereotypes really need to be shattered and speaking
of stereotypes, mesh tank tops! HA! Hey, I love Billy Joel. "Yeah, well,
I happen to have a bottle of red and a bottle of white." I think Horatio's
funny sometimes, but I just don't like the way he delivers jokes a lot of
the time. He's just so loud. Obviously I wasn't a Farley fan.
SCORE: 3.9

TOUGH AS NAILS: Will, Katie, Parnell, Kattan, Tracy
Will's facial expressions were priceless. "Don't stop squeezing until you
hear a crunch." Hahahhahaa. This really did remind me of the self
defense/groin kicking skit with Chris Elliot. "These babies are big, red,
and sore as hell." Funny once again! Wow, this is great!!

Jennifer Lopez again?! WTF? It wasn't even a good show.

"Space Between Us." Ah Dave. I can't wait till Tuesday for the CD to come
out. That sax is really sexy. This is nice, non-cheesy, slow music that I
can appreciate.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PAM: Katie, Kattan, Jerry, Maya, Ana, Jimmy, Will,
Parnell, Horatio
The barbershop quartet was great! But Ana's voice is SOOOO grating!!!!!!!
I liked Jerry's "Thank you?" He really makes the most of his lines. I've
glanced at the board before I wrote this, and I do agree I completely
thought of Molly when I saw this. Yes, it's a different kind of character,
but I just expect more from Ana does she really need an annoying recurring
character? Thing is, I could've written this skit!
SCORE: 3 (singing saved it)

SINGLES CRUISE: Katie, Maya, Parnell
Nice to see Maya have a leading role in something. Could Chris' shorts been
any shorter? He's very comfortable with himself which is awesome.
"Redheads give me the creeps." Hey!!!! (ok, technically not naturally red
here). I'm noticing a whole"Yeah, ok" schtick with Maya. "Yeah, she's a
neat girl." It can be funny, I just don't want it to get old. Hmm. I have
nightmares about being in Katie's position, where I can't kick customers out
of the store when we close. Not too bad an ending. Katie had that wig on
during the promo commercials.

Rachel's wearing the same dress she did on Conan. Rock on. Ya know, the
cast didn't seem very enthused tonight. But Jimmy was really talking to
Dave, who he imitates flawlessly, which rules.

OVERALL SCORE: 41.4/50= 83%
Okey dokey. Katie did 8 things, very nice. Chris Parnell ruled, with 7
skits! And, ::gasp:: they were significant roles too! Jimmy's shining
again with 6 skits. Believe it or not, Horatio came in third with 5. Wow!
Will had 4 damn funny ones, Kattan and Maya (!) had three, Ana and Tracy had
2, and Darrell, Rachel, Jerry, and Tina had 1. Why is Darrell still there?
I feel so bad for him. He just doesn't have anything to do! Thank god
Clinton had a scandal, ya know? But he can't keep doing that forever,
that's sad. Rachel better be used during the Conan show.

Funny, Molly leaves and the original 3 "breakthroughs," Jimmy, Chris, and
Horatio are the ones who rule the show! All in all, I enjoyed the show.
Hate to say it, but I'm upset that Sean Hayes had to do Molly's last show,
otherwise his would have been perfect. Katie's was such a breath of fresh
air that I probably rated more generously than usual. The cast really did
seem to be having a good time again. I just fear for Ana and Darrell
getting burned out, and hell, even Tracy. Jerry and Maya are working their
way up. Rachel I just want to hug that girl. I still think Kattan's
funny, but he's been used as an extra a lot lately after doing one big skit.
I don't want him to leave. And Will didn't do Bush tonight! Weee. I'm
looking forward to Conan!

Episode Review written by Christina Costello

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