Tom Green / David Gray
November 18, 2000


Greetings and Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I don't have much time this week. Seriously. I mean it this time. In roughly five hours I'm leaving to go to Washington DC for Thanksgiving. So I really cannot type out as long of a review as I normally do. This really really has to be short. So without further ado

[Pre-Show Thoughts]
Tom Green irritates me to death. I don't find him funny. I find him stupid. I find him completely overrated. He appeals mainly to a demographic of young dumb adolescents who will laugh at anything that is so moronic and asinine in its nature that it makes normal human beings vomit (yes, I am talking about those two assholes in my carpool who spent the entire ride to school last Friday morning reminiscing about the "Tom Green Cancer Special"---which was a program that I thought crossed the line into very poor taste. In my opinion, cancer isn't something that should be laughed at). I don't know if what I just wrote made sense, but that's okay.
Tom Green is engaged to Drew Barrymore, too. That's kind of a quirky couple---oddball idiot and the ditzy airhead. I guess it works.

As for David Graywell, I've never heard of him, I don't think. I don't think I even know any of his songs.

Anyhoo, should be anuhinteresting show.

[OPENING] Indecision 2000 (yes, I did steal that from Comedy Central's Daily Show, and no, I don't care)
SNL is on a roll with this whole election thing, huh?
Parnell's Brokaw is still really good. Will's Dubya still sucks. I don't know what SNL will do if Bush becomes President, cause Will's impression just doesn't work.
Darrell's Al Gore, however, got cheers when he entered. It's a hit! Now we can only pray that Gore becomes our leader (not just for SNL's sake, but for everybody's).
I liked how Al had to wait for a teleprompter to be set up.
And the "I Got You Babe" thing made me die laughing.
Enough said.

Grade: A-

[MONOLOGUE] Tom Green
This wasn't very funny. But then again, neither is Tom Green. Although I'll admit it's kind of a cute idea to get married on the show.

Grade: B-

[COMMERCIAL] Magic Mouth
NOT THIS AGAIN!!!
This is the stupidest commercial I've ever seen on this show. As I said when it first aired, it's just an excuse to make a tons of fart noises in 30 seconds. Not good. Not funny. Just stupid, and way below the standards I hold these people to.

Grade: F

[SKETCH] Those Are Some Big-Ass Eagles
What the hell?!
Why did Jimmy (I LOVE HIM!!!) sound like a southern hick? I mean, Molly didn't use an accent. It just seemed kinda weird. As was the idea of putting Tom Green and Will Ferrell in eagle outfits.
Um, yeah, this was just odd. And it went on far too long. (I wonder if Molly and Jimmy had to improvise the stuff they did while Tom was going through the audience.)
Yeah, what was the deal with the audience interaction? Not too funny.
And the last time I checked, eagles didn't caw like crows.
Hmmm

Grade: D

[SKETCH] Rap Street
I sense that Grand Master Rap and Kid Shazaam are gonna become recurring characters for Horatio and Jerry.
Tom's inept "good boy" rap made me chuckle---until he started going off about undies. Then it just got dumb.
I'm assuming that Maya's singing was supposed to be a takeoff on Dido performing with Eminem.
Anyhoo, this was okay. Not bad, but not great.

Grade: B

[SKETCH] Lorne and Tom in a Tub
Now this was just plain surreal.
But no matter what Lorne does, I love it. Lorne just cracks me up. God knows why.
Tom's duck routine got on my nerves.
But Lorne liked it, so(although he did sound sarcasticalthough that's the way he always sounds)

Grade: B+

[SKETCH] Oh Please No More Indecision 2000 For God's Sake
Ana looked exactly like that partisan bitch Katherine Harris. I wanted to smack her across the face, she made me so madas does the real Katherine Harris. So I say GOOD JOB ANA!!!
And Darrell didn't do a bad job as that right-wing bastard Chris Matthews.
Oh, sorry, am I being too blatantly obvious about my dislike of Republicans?
It was very accurate how Chris Matthews didn't even let the Gore spokesperson talk. Has anyone ever seen this show? That is EXACTLY how Matthews behaves. It pisses me off, I tell ya.

Grade: A (whaddaya know, best grade of the night so far, and Tom didn't appear in it. Coincedence? I think not.)

[CARTOON] Fun With Real Audio---Sex and the Country
Uhhhyeah.
This was a little much for me.
Yeah.
I am at a loss for words.

Grade: C

[SKETCH] Dog Show
I HATE THIS SKETCH!!! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!
THIS IS THE DUMBEST IDEA THE WRITERS HAVE EVER COME UP WITH!!!
THIS IS JUST SOOOO BAD!!! It's NEVER good! It ALWAYS sucks! And do you want to know why? BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!
This is the extent of Molly Shannon's talent. Every single freaking character she plays is like this. I wish she would leave. And while we're at it, I hope Will leaves, too. These guys are currently the most overrated players on the show. I willed Cheri Oteri to leave, I bet I can do the same with these guys, too.
The dogs were cute as always. And that baby pig was damn adorable. Man, he was freaking out, though. Poor piggy. That's one loud-ass baby pig.
But the sketch, as always, was horrible. And what was the deal with Tom pretending the pig was a dog? I mean, what the hell?

Grade: D

[WEEKEND UPDATE] with Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
I LOVE JIMMY!!!
I liked the crack about Michael Douglas being old and creepy.
I liked the crack about people thinking that Barbara Bush was the mother of a president for four years.
I liked the crack about Macaulay Culkin and Michael Jackson both wishing that Macaulay was still nine.
However, the talent showcase with Jeannie Darcy? That was just dumb. I hate to quote it, but "Don't get me started." And it completely didn't work. I know the point of it was that she isn't a good comic, but the audience was barely laughing at THAT.
And I now hate Gweneth Paltrow. I hate her I hate her I hate her. That damn lucky bitch, getting to kiss Jimmy on national televisionoh, uh, ahem, sorry about that.
Uh, I'll agree with Tina: that lovey-dovey bit Jimmy and Gweneth did was gross. It nauseated me.
AND DAMMIT I HATE GWENETH PALTROW!!! Back off bitch, he's MINE!!! Oh, ahem, sorry again. I don't know what's come over me *smiles angelically*

Grade: ehhhB+

[MUSICAL PERFORMANCE] David Gray
Oh, dude, NOW I know who this guy is! He sings this song! I LOVE this song. "Babylon." This is a damn good song. I've been wondering who sings it, and now I know! This is soooo cool!

Grade: A (I just like this song!)

[SKETCH] Oprah
I miss Tim Meadows. Maya didn't do a bad job as Oprah, but I still miss Tim.
And this was just stupid, repetitive, and once again, it went on far too long.
The writers JUST DON'T GET IT, do they? God.

Grade: C-

[SKETCH] VH1 Storytellers with Air Supply
Why did all of the songs have the word "love" in the title? Oh, I guess that was the joke. Not too funny.
Why do Will and Kattan always end up making out everytime they are in a sketch together? I'm now remembering Will as Janet Reno and Kattan as Juan Miguel Gonzales from the Chris Walken episode last season. Weird-ass.

Grade: B-

[RANDOM SINGING INTERLUDE] Rock Around The Clock
Did Tom really not realize they were on the air at the beginning? Hmmm
What the hell? This was sooo random.
I could see someone crouching near the audience motioning to Tom to fall over the clock. That kinda ruined things for me---almost like seeing a cue card.
WHAT THE HELL??!! Someone has to explain this. This made no sense whatsoever.

Grade: uhhhC, I guess

[GOODNIGHTS] Tom and Drew's Wedding
I KNEW IT!!! I had a funny feeling that they really weren't gonna get married on the show, and I WAS RIGHT!!! Oh yeah! I feel so psychic now!!!
Hey, for once, they showed all of the credits instead of cutting them off rudely.
But this, again, was kinda stupid. The only time I laughed was when Tom fought with the dude over the flowered arch.

Grade: I'm not sure if I should grade this or not, but: C

And that's the show.

The one word I see popping up most of the time in this review is the word "stupid". That just about describes this episode. STUPID. I liked David Gray, I liked the Indecision 2000 sketches, but the rest was just plain STUPID!!!

God.

Well, this just confirms my belief that Tom Green is an overrated stupid little man.

And that's it. Seriously, that's all I should say. I have to go finish packing.

The next live episode will be hosted by Val Kilmer with U2 as the musical guests. I haven't seen Val in anything in a long long time. I wonder what he's been up to. And I always love U2, soI'll be looking forward to that.

Until then, au revoir, mes chous, and once again, Happy Thanksgiving!

THAT'S IT!!! THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! GOOD-NIGHT!!!


Episode Review written by Renee Epstein


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