Lara Flynn Boyle / Bon Jovi
May 12, 2001

Hi, I'm Jordan Davidson, and not only that, that's also my name.

I don't have much to say, just that I still haven't been fired from that job I got, and that I'll post the Larry King list in next week's review. If you want, send your last minute entries this week!

As of the completion of the review, it's hours before Game 5 of the Raptors and Sixers. 5 whole games and no one's sabotaged Iverson. This is getting way too tense.

I'm struggling to find things to say, so I'm just gonna get started. I could tell you all about my work day, but I don't really need to live it again. So, the review it is.

Overview ­ I've seen Ms. Boyle's work on The Practice, although she's mostly overshadowed in my view by Dylan McDermott, Camryn Manheim, and that lady who plays the rat-faced judge. Sure, she's an attractive woman, but not really my style. Not that Manheim is, but.. As for Bon Jovi, I'm gonna get a few bashes for this, but I've never liked them much On the plus side, I was a bit surprised the first time I heard that the singers of "It's My Life" were indeed Bon Jovi, because I absolutely love that song. I guess everyone has their high points.

Cheney: The Next Smokey the Bore.. er, Bear. ­ A wonderful way to poke fun at the one thing that American Vice Presidents are best known for. Besides misspelling words at the second-grade level, that is. B+

Monologue ­ Well written and downright hilarious. Adam McKay has proven he belongs in the cast and can finally stop making those pathetic movies. Come on, it's win-win! A-

Corn Chip Nail Tips ­ See my review of the Rob Lowe show, and the other 500 shows this has appeared in.

Looks Like Something Andy Coughman Would Do. Get it? Kaufman, Coughman? Ah, Suck on it. ­ Not bad.. Kinda got weird after a while, but nice to have a nice surprise ending. Not an original surprise ending, mind you, but they can't do everything within one week. B

DiMarco Brothers ­ Might have worked slightly better if Richie and Jon could act. The "Get out" motif was pretty well executed. I didn't think the sketch could go much farther after the guys were successfully hired by Lenny Kravitz.. and it didn't, really. But not bad. B-

Save the Starving Actresses ­ That was nice of Ms. Boyle to make fun of herself like that, but the running gag is slowly dying. No worries, though, as another one may soon be starting. Boston Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez was recently quoted as saying "I don't like to eat. I wish you could just give me a pill that I could take and never have to eat again." Let the stereotype begin! B-

Cribs with Robert Downey Jr. ­ Mean. Dumb. That's pretty much it. C

The Scarlet Letter ­ I wasn't familiar with the concept before seeing this sketch, but after seeing the BJ, it became pretty straight forward, and I had a good enough laugh. However, I will never look at the number 69 the same again.

Reader: Did you know Michael Jordan once scored 69 points in a game?

I'm not listening.

Reader: And the Mets won their first World Series in 1969?

(fingers in ears) La la la

Reader: Do you know how many reviews you've written?

I said shut up!

Reader: The answer was 58. Psych.

Geez, you think you know a guy you made up. B-

Bon Jovi ­ The aforementioned good song, although the quality wasn't that great. I guess they can't simulate the effects of a recording studio everywhere. B

Weekend Update ­ Some good jokes, but this week's Update was sub-par. They could have done without the Lou Reed commentary, too. For the record, I still think Lou Reed's dead. B-

Moulin Rouge ­ Cute. And inspirational. It's good to know I can take just about any existing story and spice it up with 70's music. And it's been done! Look at Grease! Chock full of music from the 70's. It's true, it's true. B

The Golden Girls: They Make Marilyn Manson look like Jordan Davidson ­ Ah, frivolous lawsuits. I've always wanted to try one, and a TV show just might be the prime target. First I'll sue Home Improvement for neglect of safety on the job, Family Matters for the high pitched voice of Urkel, and Two Guys and a Girl for showing that shows can be as bad as Two Guys and a Girl. Anyhoo, SNL's lucky that I have nothing to sue them about, cuz I loved this. A

Wake Up Wakefield, Smell the Coffee, Help Me Into Your Custom Kitchen (I might have used that one already. So sue me.) ­ The quality kinda dipped here, although I still like the characters and premise. Probably just a bad day for this one. C

A Message from the Big Guy ­ The concept had me realizing something. Since you're not actually hearing my voice dictating these reviews, you can't tell if I'm joking or not either. Very well. This was about the funniest thing I've ever seen. That was a joke. C

Bon Jovi ­ This is the sub-par sound I usually expect. What can I say, I just don't favour the guys. C+

Bloater Brothers Return Unexpectedly, Giving Jordan A Heart Attack ­ After the heart attack, I promptly watched the sketch and had another one when I saw that it wasn't that bad. Not a classic, but maybe a classic compared to the other Bloater Brothers sketches. That pretty much adds up to a B+.

Overall ­ I have to say I was impressed and that this was one of the best overall efforts of the season. We haven't had a lot quite this well done all year and hopefully that will change in the future. But for now, kudos. A-

Next week, the season finale with Christopher Walken and Weezer. In hindsight, that kinda bites, cuz I already used all my season finale material in the Zellweger review. I'm sure I'll think of something by then. Also, since I don't have a complete list of Davidson ratings on me, I can't really post those either. What I will have is the Top 50 list of Larry King lines submitted by you, the readers. I will extend the deadline to May 19 from May 17, to give you another little bit of time. Get yours in!

Until then, folks! G'night!

Episode Review written by Jordan Davidson

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