Lara Flynn Boyle / Bon Jovi
May 12, 2001

Well just to fill you in on why I missed the lst episode here we go, I originally didn't start to make the 5/5/01 review till Sunday, then decided to take a break, then Tuesday came, wrote some more, then did some SNL stuff on Wednesday, then came deadline night, Thursday. When I got home from school I wrote everything up till Update. My comp. got fucked up, and I had to sort of fix it. Then I watched some tv, remembered I have to send in a review and came down to the basement and my sister said the printer wasn't working, that pissed me off. I got that working again at 9, and went to Word and guess what was there everything up till opening of the show which was about 2 pages. I went nuts, so I decided to make a review with about every goddam curse word in the book. It was about 2 pages. So I decided to send it to good ol' reliable Sean and when I went upstairs I remember that I didn't send it to his email address, but to another friends email. I went ballistic, but in a way I think it was a wake up call in 2 matters. For one I should start earlier in the week for typing the review and for 2 never make an all curse review, even though it would have been the first.

This review I feel should be one of those ones that when you come onto the site you always want to check out, cause there's going to be a lot of good stuff in. I have been thinking of ways to make it better, but for a few months haven't been able to think of a way, then it hit me, plagiarism. No, kidding, but I can guarantee that this review will be a classic and even though I think this season I have posted about 14, this will get me into the thank you list at the top of the screen where Sean thanks everybody for there hard work.

And now for some tips on how to not to do stupid things, its that guy who always makes an ass out himself, the loveable, and probably hateable, Classclown.

Classclown: For starters the finger is not always a good thing to use when giving the flag salute. Also pretending to give your teacher the finger while really putting your hand in a palm is not good.

If a student pretends to cough in class and the teacher yells at them for making a remark, and then the student says he has a cough don't say in these words, "You should get a coughdrop." It's just not good doing that, trust me, I did that once and it was just bad with all the fingers pointing at me and all the laughing.

Oh yeah if a teacher asks if a couple is going out and you say she's also been flirting with a lot of guys and it shows they are not going out, but you know the girl is a big time whore, do no say in these words to the teacher, "Yeah, there's names for her on the street." Yup, I got the evil eye from my gym teacher for that one. Well you know I can't think of much more on the top of my head, but the next time you are in any situation like these, don't be a classclown.

Well what an editorial, even though I said all those things, and 2 of them were from friends of mine, except the finger thing, well anyway lets hope by next Sat, I make a jackass out of myself so I can tell you more ways I try to be a classclown, but really fall down on my big floppy shoes. Kidding about the shoe thing.

Track countdown: 10 days as of May 12, 2001

Yes I am looking very much forward to the end of track event though I have ditched the past few days of track, but it will feel good to not have to go, while getting in trouble.

As of now its Monday, I took a day or 2 break and forgot about yesterday. Now there is 8 days left of track. Yahh.
You know school is ending really soon and ofcourse with the end of school coming the 2000-2002 TV season is ending very, very soon. The stations are really pumping the upcoming season finales a lot. Now I'm not saying what to watch, but you know rarely many shows give 2 part season finales. Luckily the fans of one of my fave shows, Boot Camp, get a double dose of it. And I might be sent to court for plagiarizing this, but in TV guide they said that, "Bootcamp was one of the greatest shows ever, well next to John Goodman's gay show." Speaking of Goodman I guess hes not showing up this season. He broke his streak of about 10 years, with not hosting or even making a cameo. I know he had a movie out recently, guess it sunk worse then his show. So for once in his SNL career he would actually have something to promote. I remember in his 3rd show he said, "The past 2 times I didn't promote anything, but for my third show I am." And then the next few years he just had Roseanne, and Blue's Brother's to basically promote. Now for once he could have something to, but no, SNL goes with actors/actresses who just go up to SNL for the hell of it.

Dana Carvey: What are you talking about?
Greg: Well you really didn't promote anything up there, all you did was stand up and between you and me, you really have been in a cave the past 3 years.
Dana Carvey: What do you mean, I did a cameo in '97 for SNL.
Greg: (Coughs) Oh sorry I forgot about that, wasn't that played at like 12:45. If all your movies are sellouts the go back to TV or something.

Oh yeah if you ever see me say Greg:, that means I'm commenting to either what I say or the fake line that a guest says. For all the morons who thought that was really Dana, it wasn't. I was just making him as one of the people who didn't promote anything, but I sometimes like the hosts who do just go up there with noting to promote, such as former cast members and big stars.

Well let me just say that what I am about to put on the review right now might be offensive or not to some people. I've told some people at school and they think its funny. Even the dirty girl endorses it. Just kidding, well actually no I'm not. Well without further ado, get your dirty minds opened up and this is the first of many animations that will be called.

I did in deed make this up after learning how to be able to put pics on word from a good friend at camp, thanks Kristen. Well next week I hope to make a new pic and now I do know how to put the pic on so, I don't need anymore help chat site 54. All you 20 people were so helpful.

Okay enough dirty animation and school crap talk, let's get into the show.

Pre-Thoughts: The 2nd practice star to take the stage, Lara Flynn Boyle, is ofcourse on the show The Practice, which suprisingly is a good show. See I started watching the show after seeing that one comm. where this couple was in the shower, uhhhhh I don't think I should be sharing this, I mean who wants to hear about shower talk and watching TV, anywho, she really hasn't been in much, on the other side of the show Bon Jovi is returning for his I think 3rd time, looking forward to that performance. Notin else really, hope you like the review.

And for the 14th time on this review, let me start the review with those classic lines, And onto the review and off your hot sister. Kidding again, man I'm a fucking kidder today.

Opening: Cheney speaks (well 'bout time he got out of the hospital)
Started slow, picked up a bit, then just finished up with his weird gestures. That Elation stuff was pretty funny. Darrel does a good VP.
Grade: B-

Mono: Lara Flynn Boyle
Good mono. Adam Mckay really is a funny guy, maybe he'll join the cast soon, cause that'd be cool. That bald guy in front of Adam really had a glare cause I was had to turn to the side.
Grade: C+
(I was going to put in that line about Jack Nicholson, but it made me get sick thinking about her an him shacking up, why'd Mckay have to ask her that)

Comm: Corn Chips (again, holy hell what the fuck is going on)
As I said in quotes, what the fuck, 4th time being repeated, is this cause of those writers going on a strike. Well it's getting dumb now. Go on a strike cause it isn't getting any better you morons at Studio 8H.
Grade: D+

Skit: Stop Coughing Dammit
This was one of those little 2 mins. skits that SNL puts o right b4 commercial or real TV comm. It was okay. Lara looks like Debra Messing from Will and Grace. SNL usually once in a while puts on of those skits where they make no sense and then at the end like they did here, they had Darrel saying, "Who are you people." Funny stuff.
Grade: C-

Skit: Demarco Bros. In tryouts for Bon Jovi
Last time we left these guys they got hired by Lenny Kravitz, now they're going for Bon Jovi and that guy next to him. 3rd time they've been put on the show, and first time out of their usual 12:30 slot. Kattan and Parnell got some good recurring characters. I only recognized 1 of 'Jovi's songs, that's sad. If they did the songs they did with all the dancing in a music video I guarantee it would make it on that homo Carson Daly's list. I hate that guy by the way. For the people who know about his past dating life look up some of the names, and there ya go. For 3 years now I've hated that guy for doing that. Even though him and JLH have been broken up for a year I still hate that guy. The "seizure" line was funny.
Line Alert: "I don't usually give people second chances, so get out!!!"- Bon Jovi to the Demarco Bros.
Grade: B+

Skit: Cribs with Robert Downey 'and out of Ally Macbeal' Junior
Funny little short, much better than the last Cribs with Gemini's Twin. When I first saw the Cribs I thought they were playing that god awful skit again, but since 12:02 popped up and I knew Church day was starting I decided to pray for no Gemini's Twin, and guess what Kattan came up and did a terrible impression of RDJ and saved us from those hores.
Grade: B

Misc: Save Starving Actresses (and the speaker is a twig herself, Lara Flynn Boyle)
Put on a shirt or something, I don't want to see that fake skit you put on yourself to look even the least bit bigger. Also I don't want to vomit up my tacos from last nite, so please stop looking into the camera. This skit got stupid after a while.
Grade: C (I turned between her and some other show, so that's why I gave it a C)

Skit: What the hell is this crap, oh wait stuff about BJ's
Slow, very slow in the beginning, picked up, then it was funny. Horatio's face was so funny when Lara first came I or whoever the first girl was. Oh yeah the title was Premier Playhouse.
Grade: C

Music: Bon Jovi- "It's my life"
First of all, this song was a hit 7 months ago, why's he playing it now, if he had played instead of Jay-Z in Dec. that month would have been the best part of SNL's season in a long time, but no, he's doing the show now. Great performance of a great song is the way to say to basically explain Bon Jovi.
Grade: A-

Update: Fey 'n Fallon
Good early jokes. Did anybody notice that Tine had light blonde highlights in her hair Only me yah I expected that. Wait what about the horny Fey fans

Horny Fans: Yeah, what about us.
Sorry guys. Well anyway, who the hell is Lou Reed. Good Charlie Sheen joke. I like how they make fun of old hosts in any kind of skit, but an Update joke of an old host is the best way to say, that you really need to be made fun of. Jeb Bush joke was ok, what kind of name is Jeb anyway, I mean really what is a Jeb. Short update, maybe saving an extra song for Bon Jovi. Hmmmmm.
Grade: A-/B+

Interlude: by me
12:23 and Update and first song is over. What the hell?

Skit: Moulin Rouge
Horatio was going nuts up there, who were Maya and Ana supposed to be.
Grade: D (what an f-ed up way to start up 12:25)

Skit: MSNBC Investigates: Jackass fans move to an Old ranch house
Think about it, teens portraying old ladies, that's funny shit. Jimmy was funny as the old lady, I think her name was Rue. Seeing Kattan as that kid when they are talking about them playing old ladies is really funny. If Horatio, Jimmy, Tracy, and Kattan ever get best of tapes of themselves this will definetly be on the tape. Ana got a great impression of Bea Arthur going. The tribute of Kattan's character and the singing was probably the best part of the show so far.
Grade: A+

Skit: Wake up Wakefield
Better skit at 12:40, not the first one on the Stiles show at 11:50. Maya was much better this time, and Rachel got weirder as Sheldon. Who was Lara playing? Horatio was funny as the teacher guy. When Jimmy came in, Mayas face went ballistic.
Grade: B-

Misc: Message from Shaq
What radio thing was he talking about. Funny little short, but it gets a C.

Music: Bon Jovi
Tied with U2 for performance of the year. Don't know the name of the song. I think this song was better cause Jon was playing the guitar.
Grade: A

Skit: Shooters and Demarco Bros.
Parnell's 2nd recurring character tonight, not a bad last skit. Fallon was okay. I did not realize there names were Wayne and Kip last time they were on. Lara was okay, but a not to all the Lara Flynn Boyle fans, now actually you know let me put this into p-graph form and explain about her and her life. Lara Flynn Boyle is like Calista Flockhart, they don't eat, they put on push-up bra's like she did in this skit here, and parade her onto SNL as a eating girl, but you know they do use Horatios shirts for her, so it looks like she does eat. Back to the Shooters thing. When she flashed them there comments were funny. They used the same bar in the Julianna Marguilees show and in an old show from '92 with Sharon Stone. Odd ain't it.
Grade: C+/B-

Good-byes: I missed some of it, but I'm going with what I remember. The cast was pretty distant from her, though they cues to commercial before she got a chance to finish , so just X out that last sentence
Overall Grade: B+

Well another May episode done. No big suprises. A lot of new recurring characters brought back from last season. Oh yeah no offence all the Adam Mckay fans, but he should stick to live comedy instead of those little movies. They get old after 1, really they do.

Well next week is the season finale of SNL. Ending its 26th season is Christopher Walken for his 4th or 5th time and Musical Guest Weezer. Not pumped up about this show, my guess is a few dry skits, some big skits, of course they do Continental skit. Also this might come as a weird surprise guest, but I think Colin Quinn will show up. I have this weird feeling he will.

Well its time to jet. It's time to study for a craptastic Bio. test. And guess what the topic is: Female and Male Reproduction System. Yahhhh, not. Here's a new trend for ya. Shoeby. More on that and the story behind it next week.
And that's the review for this week. See ya next week one fan.

Deepthroat Useless rules by the way.

Episode Review written by Greg Haledjian

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