Alec Baldwin / Coldplay
April 7, 2001

Hi, I'm Jordan Davidson, but my friends call me Jo-Jo-Ma. Sweet mother of
God, I wish they'd stop doing that.

A couple of weeks ago on the SNLMB, I started a contest, asking for fans to
submit "homemade" Larry King-esque quotes. (ie. "The more I think about it,
the more I appreciate the equator".. except you gotsta make 'em up
yourself.) I'll be compiling a list of the Top 50 (or 100, if I have enough
good ones) in either my May 19 review, or in the event of a writer's strike,
likely on the SNLMB. The deadline'll be May 17, so have fun with this!

Speaking of this prospective writer's strike, I have a position on it. Not
on the actual dispute, but a way for SNL to avoid canceling the final three
shows should this strike come to fruition. And to me, the answer is as
simple as a Beethoven composition to... well, Beethoven. And the answer is
this.. hire the episode reviewers as replacements. Let's face it, a lot of
us have obtained "witty" reputations over the time we've been doing it.
We've been pleasing some of the hardest people to please--the fans of SNL
themselves. Even when the show sucks, the fans can turn to us and say
"Hehe.. they said something funny about the show that sucked!" And the
beauty part is, many of us will be finished university in May, sitting on
our asses, watching baseball or something and twiddling our thumbs, saying
"Ho hum," with "Ho hum" being the polite way of saying "I'm gonna go f**king
berzerk if something doesn't happen soon!"

Mark Polishuk: I want my name mentioned on SNL!

Say Mark, how about if they mentioned your name... in the credits?

Mark Polishuk: Hot diggity jam!

Hehe.. I knew he'd say that. Partially because I wrote it. Anyhoo, other
than the fact that we'd more than likely write pretty generous reviews about
ourselves, there's really nothing to lose, is there? It's that, or have
your May sweeps ratings go out the window. We'd do a good job, you know I'm

On to the review, with a nice reminder that next week is potentially the
season finale, so I'll try to do the wrap-up thing then, and I'll have a
pretty amusing anecdote to tell as well, you can be sure of that.

Overview - Alexander Rae Baldwin III hosts SNL for the ninth time, which to
my knowledge ties him for fourth all-time with Cornelius Crane Chase. An
early bet.. Alec will become the fourth ten-timer in a season or two.
Meanwhile, Chevy will be asking his friend Dana Carvey if the rock he used
to live under is still for sale. As for Coldplay, I don't mind them, but
they seem to be one of those bands that are just "there." As much as I sort
of like them, I wouldn't be surprised if they come knocking on Chevy's rock
in five years or so.

I watched this episode with my friend P. Ronald "Ronnie" Cavell. That's not
the name he normally goes by--in fact he hates that name immensely. But
hey, he never reads these, so I think I'm in the clear.

Bush Opening.. Huh huh.. I said Bush. Then I said Opening. Huh huh - Same
old, same old.. Bush is a hick, Bush is childish, don't mess with Texas.. I
think most of us get it by now. Nice to put the caricature in some new
situations, but some fresh lines would help now and again. C+

Monologue.. Huh huh.. log. - Once a host gets up to his ninth monologue,
it's gotta be hard to find him something new to do. I guess the new
situation in his life helped a smidge, but still.. he's done so many
monologues it kinda loses all meaning. B-

Stock Market Commerical.. Huh huh.. Actually, there's nothing really funny
about that one.. - A lip curler, but nothing to wake the kids and phone the
neighbours about..

The Kids and the Neighbours: He's finally getting it.

Yeah, sorry about that, guys. It won't happen again. B-

Viva La Schwetty! - There are so many reasons this should have been a bad
idea. 1. It was obviously a made in desperation. They made a new character
to replace the one played by the departed cast member, just so they could
bring back Alec's classic character, Pete Schwetty. And yes, you know it's
a classic when my pal "Ronnie" recognizes him and he barely ever watches the
show. They could have brought the character back in some other context, but
they had to revive the famous recurring sketch within the recurring sketch.
Again, there are so many reasons this should have been a bad idea. Then why
was I so bloody entertained? Not as classic as the first one, but still
packed a whallop of good laughs. A-

Chinese Army Sketch - Had its share of good lines, but overall quite
forgettable.. In fact, I've forgotten most of it. I think I remember
thinking it was C+ material, so I'll stick by that grade for now.

Inside the Actors Studio - Despite my ignorance about Charles Nelson Reilly,
it had some good lines. Sure, the sketch works if the actors are obscure,
but not so obscure that most of the audience has no clue who they are. The
"Ghandi as a child pronographer" line got possibly the loudest laugh of the
night. B+

Weekend Update - Lots of great stuff this week. Tina's whore commentary was
very interesting, as were Jimmy's opinions.. But seeing Kid Rock at the
Hollywood Minute desk was a laugh in itself. Spade actually makes a good
Kid Rock, too.. Funniest role reversal since Teri Hatcher-Spade way back
when. Whatever happened to Teri Hatcher anyhoo? I used to love to behold
her massive hotness. (There Adam, I said it again.) B+

Coldplay - Not a bad song.. Kinda catchy. Again, not something I'll rush
out and buy, but nice.

"Ronnie": I'm getting really sick of the word "Yellow."

Hehe.. you sure are. B

Those Wacky Goulets - Hehe.. This won't go down in history as a funny
sketch.. and that's every sad. Just about everything about it was
brilliant. The performance was funny, and the reviews were even funnier.
Great great stuff.. A

The Funniest Sketch Featuring a Dead Animal That's Not A Bird - As SNL has
taught us, seeing the dead makes everyone vomit. In fact, I was vomiting
before I even saw the squirrel.. Oh yeah, I forgot. Politicians make
everyone vomit too. :) B

Brandy Glass Pictures - I still don't really see the point, but I recall a
few laughs. C+

Coldplay - Catchy, although quite short. I don't know if that was on
purpose due to time contraints, or the song is really that short. Not bad
anyhoo. B-

Overall - Alec always seems to bring a ray of light to this show, and I
don't think he disappointed this time. As is usual when Alec shows up,
solid all the way. B

Next week, what very well could be the season finale, with Renee Zellweger
and Eve. For that, I'll try to throw together a season finale package for
ya, and if it's not the finale after all, well, you'll get two finale
packages for the price of one. How cool is that?

Until then, Happy Easter, and to my Jewish friends have a great Passover.
Hmm.. I guess you should have already done that. Hope you did.

Bye now!

Episode Review written by Jordan Davidson

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