Friday Evening -

My friend Ivan and I made our triumphant return to "Saturday Night Live" for the show's 26th season premiere. Rob Lowe was host and Eminem was musical guest, but neither of them were responsible for us making the 90 minute trek into the Big Apple. It didn't really matter who the guests were, because for the first time in my 17 years of life, I had guaranteed tickets to the live show!

Now I've been lucky enough to see "SNL" dress rehearsals twice before. Last October I got a coveted up-close floor seat for the Norm Macdonald-hosted dress; and in April I had the crappiest seat in the balcony for the hilarious Christopher Walken-hosted dress. But this would be the first time I'd be there for a live show.

Ivan and I decided to head to New York a day early, on Friday, and wait in the stand-by line with our friend Billy. Since we already had tickets to the live show, we had hopes of getting into Saturday night's dress rehearsal with stand-by tickets. (I had forgotten that standing in a line for over 15 hours, outside in 45° damp weather, is not always a pleasant experience ... but we had fun).

The three of us arrived at Rockefeller Center on Friday afternoon and started the line. Longtime stand-by king Louis Klein -- who has attended the show over 400 times -- and his fiance, Jamie, soon joined us. While most folks didn't show up until early Saturday morning, we didn't have to wait long before three young Web-mistresses arrived: Cayce (who runs Chris Parnell: A Comedy Genius), Becca (The Jimmy Fallon Shrine), and Jennie (The Rachel Dratch Hideout) all showed up with their respective friends/relatives. Shout-out to Becca's friends Katie and Jared.

At one point Friday evening, Ivan ran out to the line and told me Green Party presidential hopeful Ralph Nader was in the main lobby. We went in the building and sure enough, there he was. He was standing impatiently at the NBC desk. The NBC security guard responsible for letting people in the elevators had to phone up to "SNL" to make sure Mr. Nader was allowed up. After getting off the phone and letting him by, Ivan and I approached the security lady to find out what the confusion was all about. She asked us who the guy was. When we told her it was Ralph Nader and he was running for president, she told us she had never heard of him. "I thought it was just Gore and Bush," she said.

In between trips to the nearby Variety Cafe and Ray's Pizza, we got to see much of the cast as they exited from rehearsal Friday night. Darrell Hammond posed for a picture with Ivan on his way out. Chris Parnell chatted with some standbys and signed autographs. When he saw me he asked, "Are you Sean the Webmaster?" I was pleasantly surprised he knew who I was, especially since I had a baseball cap on. I got a picture with him and he was on his way to catch some sleep.

Horatio Sanz and Will Ferrell came down together and both posed for pics and signed autographs. Same for Chris Kattan, who also put to rest rumors we had heard that afternoon that Eminem would be appearing in a Mango sketch. "I don't think he wants to do it," Kattan told Ivan. Apparently the Real Slim Shady hadn't shown up for rehearsals that week and the odds of him appearing in any sketches were fading away.

Saturday Morning -

Saturday morning slowly arrived and Ivan, Billy, and I got our stand-by tickets and went on our way. We had to be back at Rockefeller at 7:00 p.m. to see if we would be admitted to dress rehearsal. The three of us went back to the Columbia University dorm of our pal Chrissy for a nap and a shower.

Saturday Evening -

Back at Rockefeller, we were eager to see if we'd get in. It was 7:50 p.m. (dress rehearsal starts at 8:00) and still no word. Finally they started sending stand-bys up, to fill the seats of regular ticket-holders who didn't show up. Ivan, Billy, and I made it up and, although we were separated, all ended up with good seats. Mine, in fact, was a second row balcony seat towards the center.

Don Pardo got the crowd pumped. Jimmy Fallon warmed us up briefly. The "SNL" Band played a tune. Finally, at about 8:15, the dress rehearsal began with a cold opening about George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) calling Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) to find out what he'd be wearing at the debates. It ended up being replaced in the live show by another debate sketch which we also saw in dress rehearsal.

Some other stuff in dress that didn't make it to the live show....

Mango - Rob Lowe studies Mango (Chris Kattan) so he can play him in a movie. The movie ends up being a gay porno, in which Will Ferrell and Brendan Fraser also appear.

TV Funhouse cartoon - A Fun With Real Audio segment called "Sex and the Country," with real audio from the HBO series "Sex and the City" being spoken from cartoon barnyard animals.

"SNL" Olympic Profile - In addition to the Chris Kattan Olympic Profile seen in the live show, there was also this funny one featuring Ana Gasteyer in dress.

"Access Hollywood" - Reporter Pat O'Brien (Rob Lowe) is covering a story on 9 year-old pop superstar Sissy (Rachel Dratch). Sissy is the new Brittney Spears and her audience is populated by middle-age men.

"A Minute Inside Hollywood" - Bruce Paltrow (Will Ferrell) calls his daughter Gwyneth on the phone and tells her he has a great movie about Karaoke he wants her to star in. He ends up crying over the phone before she agrees.

Voting Booth 2000 (fake commercial) - Your incentive for coming out to vote in the Presidential election this year? Women in bikinis and mud-wrestling.

"Wednesdays with Bosco" - A take-off on "Wednesdays with Morrie," except Bosco (Horatio Sanz) is an obnoxious pervert who was fired from his job as a Gym teacher. He's being interviewed by a former student (Rob Lowe).

Magic Mouth (fake commercial) - Anytime you break wind, the Magic Mouth will play a pre-taped voice over the sound of your gas

"Weekend Update" bits - Cut from "Weekend Update" was a Movie Minute segment with Jimmy Fallon reviewing "Meet the Parents" (which ended up being performed on the Kate Hudson episode) and commentary from Bill Clinton about neither candidate being any good (which ended up being performed on the Kate Hudson episode). Random observation: "Update" now uses five cameras instead of two.

The dress rehearsal ended at about 10:30 and Ivan and I went down and got in line for the live show. By 11:00, we were seated back upstairs waiting for the live show to begin. Similar warm-up rituals commenced with Pardo and Fallon. This time, Horatio Sanz joined Fallon to perform a song.

At 11:40, the show began (delayed due to a Yankees game). The only notable thing I can tell you about the live show, that you didn't see on your television, is that I was sitting a few feet away from TV's The Fonz. That's right: Henry Winkler from "Happy Days" was in the audience with his teenage son. Apparently Penny Marshall, Dan Aykroyd, and Farrah Fawcett were also there -- though I didn't see them.

After the show, Ivan, Billy, and I stuck around outside for a little while and saw most of the cast exit the building to hop in limos and go to the cast party. It was pretty mobbed, with dozens of people hoping to catch a glimpse of Eminem leaving. One of the show's producers, Michael Shoemaker, was kind enough to come up to me outside and introduce me to Tina Fey, the show's head writer and new "Weekend Update" co-anchor. She told me she thinks my Webpage is awesome and posed for a picture before hitting the road for the party. It was a great end to a great weekend.

Writing essays in school is a real pisser because it takes me a long time to come up with good endings, so I really don't want to worry about that right now. This is the end. Thanks for reading.

Click HERE to read my pal Ivan's account of the trip.